Tired of waiting!

Online Users: 1,337 guest(s), 2 user(s). Replies: 21
Guest
Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 23, 2007 1:22 AM

Hello Everyone!  I've been browsing the forums for a few weeks now but this is my first post.

 My bf and I have been together for 5 years, living together for 3.  We know we'll be together forever and talk about getting married.  My bf is really good about listening to me talk about wedding stuff.  ("Hey!  Look at this ring....look at these favors....do you want a cake or cupcakes").  The thing is....he just won't propose!  I'm so ready to get married (hehe...look at my sn...).  He knows how I feel, but when we talk about it he just won't give me a reason for the delay.  He just says that "when the time is right" we'll get engaged.  What do I do???

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 23, 2007 8:28 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

i would specifically ask him if the right time is going to be in the next 6 months, year..? whatever the timeline may be you need to know and he should stick to it.

 

if one person wants commitment and the other does not the relationship is in jeopardy. (not saying yours is, just in general)

 

it is obvious you are ready for marriage, you need to talk with your BF and let him know that you are wanting to get married now and find out when or if he is considering the same. a lot of times delay is just another word for excuse.

 

i wish you the best and i hope that the situation works out.



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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 23, 2007 12:11 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Girrrrrrrrrrrllll.................. I know how you are feeling... I though i typed this when i wasnt engaged....

I have been with my FH for pretty much 6 years and living together for 3.

I've been asking for a ring a year after we moved in with each other. He said we need to live with each other for at least a year to see if we get a long....

I pretty much got fed up after 6 years.... I gave it 6 years because my friend beth she got engaged after 6 years so i said if she can wait i can wait....

So i gave it 6 years... I bought a house... His name is and will not be on the house... He moved in and helped me with everything... but it finally got to me... and i said... What are you waiting for.... We are in a house... I dont give 2 poops what you do... I clean your clothes i do all this for you... and all i ask is for 1 thing... for you to show me you love me and want to love me for the rest of your life... You say you do... but i need you to commit to me... If not  then we both want something different out of life and i refuse to be a lifetime girlfriend. I do not want my children to have that example.

I didnt give him a time limit... I just told him how i felt... and how him not asking me made me feel....

then 3 - 4 months later... He said he didnt want to dissappointment me any longer. He loves me to much to hurt and he wants me to be with him for the rest of his life and asked me to be his wife.

He probably didn't expect the water falls and hysteria after he asked but I was crying too!  LOL

It did feel weird though for a couple weeks after he proposed... Until i said... umm... why is this weird... but its all good now... i think it was a shift in our relationship and it was fine after that.

now its like the same as it always has been.

But 1 thing that i didnt expect after he proposed....

Did i really want it... lol I wanted it so bad... and was wondering why he wouldnt do it... and finally when i got it... it hit me... this is the man i'm going to spend the rest of my life with... Do i really want this? Can i love him forever.... or is he going to annoy the shit out of me...

Well.... i was looking at him one day... and realized how much i do love him... and how he makes me laugh... so yeah i'll keep him.

 

Sorry this is so long... I just Completely know what your going thru... I almost broke up with him

I told myself... If i don't get it by our next Anniversary its over.

 






http://DarellandMariam.brides.com

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Guest
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 23, 2007 8:20 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

Thanks for the replies.   I will continue to try to talk to him and let him know how important it is to me..

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 24, 2007 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

For me, the minute I stopped stalking about the wedding, getting married, the ring, and anything wedding related, that is when he proposed.  If you bf is anything like my DH, he wants you to be surprised and won't do anything until he thinks that will happen.  So stop talking about it.  

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hulabride08 Posts : 270 Registered: 10/22/07
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 24, 2007 3:10 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

I completely agree with futuremrsperry!!!  I too, waited for what seemed like eternity.  We were together for 4 yrs, lived together for almost 3yrs.  It was agonizing because I had so many friends that started dating their BF after me, had gotten engaged, and married in the time I still hadn't gotten engaged!!!  But as soon as I forced myself to not push or talk about it (IT WAS HARD!), it happened, & it was fabulous! Please...just give him time (like he hasn't had enough, right?)! 

 

 

 Can't wait til my Honey Pot is my Husband!!!

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 25, 2007 8:44 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

you know, when you're ready to get married, it's hard to wait no matter how long you've been together. FH and I have been together 8 months and he's had the ring for three (my grandmother's diamond, I picked out the setting, and was there when he ordered it) The fact that I know about it has made his delay all the harder on me. And then there's the well meaning friends that hurt my feelings constantly by talking about their weddings and then asking why FH hasn't popped the question yet. So even though I've been waiting for less time, I completely understand. I think every girl who wants to marry their sweetheart does. So you're totally not alone...however I have taken the route of the two ladies prior to my post and stopped discussing wedding stuff...when you do I think they tend to panic a little, hehe 

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

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MrsBrock2008 Posts : 101 Registered: 10/9/06
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 25, 2007 10:12 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm going to give an old fashion view of this. Why buy the cow when you already got the milk. He may feel that you are already living together, why do you need to get married.  Will the time ever be right , I think is a question you need to ask yourself.

C James Laughing

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Guest
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 27, 2007 10:05 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I've definitely been in that situation. I just got engaged on Oct. 10th, and we were together for three years/living together for two. I kept asking him when he'd propose or why he felt the need to wait (our situation is complicated: he's 13 years older than me, and this will be his second marriage). But he kept saying, "When the the time is right."

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, because honestly, I never backed down. I kept nagging and nagging, and he actually convinced me he wasn't going to do it for a while. And then that's when he made his move! haha.

I actually gave him an ultimatum once. I know that's horrible, but I said, "I feel like I'm ready to be married, and I know you want to marry me, and if we don't take this relationship to the next level in a year, I think we need to move on from each other because we are obviously on different pages in this relationship." And I still firmly believe that. If he didn't do anything by this time next year, I probably would have reconsidered being with him.

8 MONTHS UNTIL WE GET MARRIED!

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Guest
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Oct 27, 2007 10:08 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

To MrsDupont: I know what you mean! I wasn't with my FH for six years, but I did want to be engaged so bad for three. I basically thought all the things you did, and then when he finally DID propose, I was like, "Oh my God....FOREVER" but then after a few days of engagement I realized, yeah, this is the right thing to do. haha

8 MONTHS UNTIL WE GET MARRIED!

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Guest
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Nov 1, 2007 3:41 PM Go to message in response to: hulabride08

I completely agree with the pp.  I wanted to also get engaged to my FH and we talked about it all the time.  I even considered breaking it off the longer he waited to propose.  Then one day it hit me.  Did I want him to propose to me because he wanted to propose and spend the rest of his life with me or because he wanted me to stop bothering him about it?  I obviously wanted him to want to marry me so I stopped talking about it.

 As soon as I stopped talking about it (exactly 3 weeks later) he proposed and it was perfect.  I just had to learn to stop pressuring him.  He wanted it to be a surprise and he did a great job.  It was soooo romantic!  I would say stop talking about it and stop pressuring him. 


IMGhttp://www.whenismywedding.com/signature/85342535e338f77b.gif[/IMG][/URL

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luckykelleyk Posts : 113 Registered: 7/24/07
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Nov 5, 2007 8:02 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I know how you feel , and its horrible! We went to look at rings several times, and almost two years ago we went to actually pick out a ring and he actually told the salesperson that he would be buying it soon, and then nothing! Then in august we went to europe together, and i was sure that he was going to propose then, and then he didnt and I was so dissapointed! Then he planned a romantic weekend getaway and I was sure that he was going to propose THEN and he didnt! And I got my hopes up because it was only logical to me, but then the dissapointment is just SO horrible, and I made him feel bad because when I knew it wasnt going to happen I would cry. And I didn't want to pressure him because I wanted him to propose for the right reasons, but its so hard when you have been together that long and people who have been together much less time get engaged and married. But guys dont usually propose at logical times (ex. trips to europe!) Im sure he will propose sometime you wont expect it. For example my sisters fiance proposed to her as she was walking in the door from work! I cant tell you to hang in there and to not think about it because I know thats IMPOSSIBLE! But Im sure he will ask you and it will be worth the wait :-) 
DaisypathWedding Ticker

                                    May 3rd, 2008!!!!! 

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UltimatePink Posts : 367 Registered: 10/15/07
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Nov 6, 2007 1:51 PM Go to message in response to: luckykelleyk

Yes! It will be totally worth the wait when he asks.

My situation is similar, but opposite. My FH actually had my ring for over a year. I told him we'll get engaged when I'm ready to plan the wedding and have my career on the track I'm happy with. So, a few months ago, I said I'm ready. I've made huge inroads with my professional life and have a plan for my financial future and said go. On saturday, we had a traditional asian engagement ceremony and he proposed in front of both our families. For him, it was totally worth the wait and planning.


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missrachelk Posts : 72 Registered: 6/26/07
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Nov 6, 2007 2:25 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I know how you feel! I was browsing on these boards for months before I was engaged.


I read a similar post and used what a pp advised nd it worked out great for me -  instead of bringing up wedding things and asking his opinion, stop all wedding talk completely (not relationship type things, wedding planning things) and the next time HE brings something wedding related up simply say -  I'm not comfortable talking about all this wedding stuff when we're not engaged.  That conversation is one an engaged couple has, and we are not engaged. Whenever we are, then we can plan a wedding.

I said basically that (and had to backpeadal and explain that yes, I did still love him and want to marry him, but all the ideas and pre-planning were driving me crazy)  So I stopped mentioning wedding things and about a month later he bought the ring and a week after that he proposed.

He says that he was waiting for me to stop talking about it so much, so that the proposal would be more out of the blue, unexpected a suprise (which it was)

So I'd say try (even though it's near-impossible!!) to stop browsing the boards, stop thinking about it for a while -  even give yourself a time frame, like 3 months, Then if he still hasn't proposed I think it'll be time for the  - what time frame is 'the right time' for you.....

Sometimes it's about saving for the ring or other things you might not be thinking of (birthdays etc that he wants to avoid proposing near, or he may be waiting for the holidays etc)

You can do it, just be patient!

Message was edited by missrachelk on Nov 7, 2007 8:23 PM

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chicago22475 Posts : 4 Registered: 11/6/07
Re: Tired of waiting!
Posted: Nov 7, 2007 12:11 AM Go to message in response to: missrachelk

ok i'm new to the board and i have been browsing the forums. and i'm in the same situation im in a 7 yr relationship and i live with my boyfriend for 2 yrs and i'm ready to be married we have and condo together so basically we already acting like husband and wife but not legally and i told him if i'm not engage by my next birthday which is coming soon i'm leaving.  i guess i'm wrong for doing that.

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