Posted: Sep 24, 2007 3:54 PMGo to messagein response to: futurefiance
I can totally sympathize! The first time I met any of FH's friends or extended family they asked us that! I felt so horrible, like FH was going to be pressured into asking just to shut those nosey you-know-whats up! It's so not fair to put someone on the spot like that! Too bad I couldn't tell his dear sweet grandma that we'd get married when we were good and damn ready!
"If we weren't all crazy we would go insane" ~Jimmy Buffett
I can totally sympathize. I was 17 when I began dating FH. 4 months into our relationship, I met his extended family for the first time - at FH's brother's wedding! Do you know how many, "We should just make this a double wedding" comments I got? It was ridiculous!
We knew we wanted to get married, and had discussed it, but we were nowhere near ready to get married, financially or mentally. Since then, we have endured questions like that constantly (especially from his family, to whom it is normal for people to get together, have kids, and get married all within a year). FH's mother adores us because we didn't make her a grandmother AGAIN before she turns 50 (she has 4 grandkids already, three of them before FH's brother was both 20 and married).
We just said, "We're going to make sure we're ready. No reason to rush it and wind up divorced." That usually shut them up.
I can relate, but to be honest, I don't know how much I really sympathize. If you think it's bad to deal with the questions for 2 years, try dealing with them for 7! We're 25 and 28 and we dated for 7 years before getting engaged, so we got a LOT of those questions and I got really damn sick of the inquiries into my personal business. Yes, of course we had excellent reasons for not getting married until now, but like you, I didn't want to explain them to everyone who asked. One of my bridesmaids has dated her boyfriend for 8 years (they're both 26), so she has it even worse! Seriously, just let it go. You'll drive yourself crazy if you don't - and it sounds like you're probably going to be getting engaged soon anyway, so it won't even be an issue for long. Trust me - I know it's easier said then done, but don't let it get to you.
On a related note, this bothered me even MORE than the 'when are you getting married' questions. It drove me INSANE that at EVERY wedding we attended, SO many people would say, 'Don't worry - you're next,' or some variation thereof. #1 - I'm not worried. Believe it or not, I've always lived a fulfilling life, despite not being married yet. #2 - No, I'm not next! We always planned on getting married when I was finished with grad school. I knew exactly when that would be, so no, I knew that I wasn't next since another one of my stupid friends would likely get engaged to some guy she'd dated for 4 months! (haha - recent experience. I'm not bitter, but I'm worried about her) Anyway, those comments bothered me even more than the 'when are you getting married' questions.
i understand exactly wahst you mean. kyle and I are having that same problem
for a long time it would bother me cuz i wanted to be married sooner and people bringing it up just made it worse to think about.
but then i realized how much support it was. i mean there not putting you down or saying you shouldnt, take it as a complimnets or a grain of salt. you know that plans for your futrue and thats all that really matters