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Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!

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Soon2BTaylor Posts : 258 Registered: 6/1/06
Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 3, 2007 3:34 PM

Well it seems that our rehearsal dinner has gotten out of control.  Right Now the list looks something like 40 people!!

 

Here's the problem...

Of course we have the wedding party and significant others (if applicable) then the parents, 4 for him, 3 for me (this is including the steps) Then there are the out of town guest..Not many, but enough to make a dent. 

 

Here is the major delima I am having FH's grandparents are also out of town guests, none of mine are.  I however would be perfectly happy just inviting my grandmother, mom's side, and my aunt (they're a package deal)  My mom feels that it would be wrong to invite her mom, without inviting her dad (grandparents are divorced)  Mainly because my mom's two brothers will also be there (out of town guests) so she feels it will be excluding my grandfather.

 

Then there is the matter of my fathers parents (also divorced) but to be honest...I don't really want them there...I barely speak to them the grandfather doesn't even know how to say my name..and sometimes thinks i'm my sister.

 

So if anyone has been able to follow that little tale...any advice?  We are planning to do a very informal thing at the clubhouse at my sisters apartments...and ordering some yummy italian food.

 

Thanks in advance for your help ladies!


september_2007 , rehearsal_dinner
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serendipity3033 Posts : 363 Registered: 5/11/06
Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 3, 2007 8:08 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2BTaylor

God!  Please let me know what you decide to do, because Im in the same boat!  We have a large bridal party (20) so, when you include significant others, our immediate family, and the OOTs that will be staying with us, itll easily be 35-40 people as well.  Youve already given me a good idea though... our apartment has a big common area... I wonder if we can get that to ourselves......hmmmmmmmmUndecided

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,947 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 3, 2007 8:57 PM Go to message in response to: serendipity3033

Well, my reaction when I read that you are including your OOTGs is that you've opened the door for a bigger rehearsal dinner.  Traditionally (whatever that means!) the RD is for the wedding party & their spouses or fiances, bride & groom, their parents.  The purpose is so that everyone who is going to be in the wedding can get acquainted and sort of "bond" before the wedding.  I know at least once when I attended a wedding OOT, a bunch of us staying in the hotel -- including the bride's aunt and some great-aunts and great-uncles --  just got together for dinner at a nearby cheap Italian restaurant the night before the wedding, and then went swimming in the hotel pool.  Nobody felt snubbed by not being invited to the RD.

I guess in some parts of the country, or some families, it's customary also to invite OOTGs to the RD, but if you can avoid this, then you'd have a better line of reasoning to exclude the extended family members you're concerned about.  I think if your OOTGs are invited, then it's very hard to draw the line with extended family. 


Eve T

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MaunaLaniBride Posts : 631 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 11:37 AM Go to message in response to: Soon2BTaylor

I'm not really sure what your question is...is it about how to reduce the guest list?  Or is it about the cost of feeding all these people? 

If your question is about the guest list, it seems you've already opened the door to inviting OOT guests so it would be rude to only invite certain people - especially excluding family members.  If you really want to put your foot down then insist that only bridal party members attend the rehearsal dinner however if you are not paying for the rehearsal dinner then the host of the party really gets the final say in whom to invite. 

If your question is about cost, then explain to your future grandparents that you simply cannot afford to add any additional people.  This may prompt them to offer to pay so you should be ready for that if you really do not want these OOT people there.

We had a destination wedding and invited everyone coming to the wedding to our beach BBQ (in lieu of a rehearsal dinner).  We had our favorite Hawaiian BBQ place cater it and it was a blast.  It was especially great to meet and talk to people we did not know well (i.e. other side of the family or guests of our guests).

It really depends on the vibe you want at your RD though, so figure out what you & FH would want and then talk to your families about it.  Good luck!


Knot planning bio:  http://tinyurl.com/2od5dr

 

Knot married bio: http://tinyurl.com/2zatxp

oot , rehearsal_dinner
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TickledPeenk Posts : 175 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 12:17 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2BTaylor

It's a nice gesture to invite OOTGs but it's not required.  If you really can't accomodate that many guests, just stick to the wedding party and the parents. 

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immigrants Posts : 349 Registered: 4/24/07
Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 10:58 PM Go to message in response to: TickledPeenk

I agree if it's the amount of people thats troubling you it would be easy to cut the list down by just having those that will be participating. My daughter is going to have the bridal party ( no spouses) , parents, grandparents, godparents, readers and ushers only and her bridal party has 20 in it also. Good luck to you.

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immigrants Posts : 349 Registered: 4/24/07
Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 10:58 PM Go to message in response to: TickledPeenk

I agree if it's the amount of people thats troubling you it would be easy to cut the list down by just having those that will be participating. My daughter is going to have the bridal party ( no spouses) , parents, grandparents, godparents, readers and ushers only and her bridal party has 20 in it also. Good luck to you.

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jessd0320 Posts : 1,492 Registered: 7/4/06
Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 11:28 PM Go to message in response to: immigrants

I have the same problem... having a large guest list. Its 38 at last count... but that is only wedding party and immediate family members! I have a big family (seven siblings) so thats pretty much my only option. I'm paying for it too. I'm having it at a cheaper restaurant (but great food) so hopefully the cost won't be too terrible, relatively speaking I guess. I'm hoping I can get through with a $500 bill.

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Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 5, 2007 10:16 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2BTaylor

Why are you including all of these people? You are feeding everyone the next day(your wedding). The way I understood it was you have the wedding rehearsal, then you take everyone involved in the wedding to dinner. They are the ones that are helping you on you wedding day and for anything you need done.out of town guests shouldn't be part of it unless they are in the wedding. You are doing something extra for you wedding party to show your appreciation for them, this is also when you normally give out the attendent gifts and thank everyone for all of their hard work that they have done for your wedding. This is a special dinner for them and it gives them a chance to get aquainted. If you invite everyone it's not really a rehearsal dinner because these people didn't have anything to REHEARSE! If you want to do something for your out of town guests, have brunch or something with them, that way you will have a little time to visit with them, but I would not include them in the rehearsal dinner. However, you may want to invite you officiant to the rehearsal dinner! Good luck!!!

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Soon2BTaylor Posts : 258 Registered: 6/1/06
Re: Out of Control Rehearsal Dinner...Help!!
Posted: Aug 6, 2007 8:51 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thank you for all of the advise ladies.  This has turned out to be kind of stressful..and I know it shouldn't be.  FH's dad and stepmom had offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, so we started to run the list/cost by them, and found out that they were only looking to spend $400 for the rehearsal.  That is absolutely fine by me, I appreciate any help at all, especially $400.  So that is the budget that we are trying to work with.

 

FH had spent some time trying to find a way to feed everyone for about that cost...assuming we decide to keep the list that big...and did a really great job.  Well we were happy we had found a way to accomodate everyone, so I tell my sister/MOH about it, and boy did I get a let down.  I don't think she reallized how much it costs to do a rehearsal dinner, and she thought that we should keep our guest list the way it was, but didn't like our idea for the dinner.  Needless to say I was a bit upset that she didn't understand, and that she thought the idea was bad.  And don't worry ladies...she will not be dictating what we end up doing, but she is still trying to find all of these restraunts to have it at...but she's not getting that if you send me a menu where most everything is $15 a plate...add salads..drinks..we're looking at $20 per person...that is too freaking expensive...i'm trying to be as nice as I can to her in explaining that FH and I would be covering the extra cost if we go over it, and we'd like to keep from it if possible.  She has a problem of spending lots of money that she doesn't have...so maybe she thinks that what we should do too.

 

Oh well...sorry I got into a little rant there.  I appreciate all of the help...I will definately let you ladies know what the final decision is.


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