Waiting for the ring

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Guest
Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 12:28 PM

Hey All, I wanted some opinions. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. The past year or so we've been talking about getting married. Now we talk heavily about it like what we want, colors, etc. However, I still have no ring. I've been waiting and I'm so tired of it. I have family & friends who ask every time they see me if he proposed yet and it gets annoying, nonetheless makes me upset. Why do you think he's taking so long? And how long should I wait for him to do it?

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magicjenna Posts : 363 Registered: 1/28/07
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 12:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My advice to you is to stop talking about the wedding. Stop talking about colors and things with him, the next time he brings it up tell him you don't feel comfortable talking about wedding stuff until you are officially engaged. I would advise also against ultimatums, they won't work and I have heard major fights over the "I want to be engaged by this date."

I don't know how old you and your boyfriend are but ususally age has a lot to do with it. Would he be one of the first of his friends to get married? This could be delaying his official proposal.

Anyway the next time you start to talk wedding stuff tell him you don't want to until you are officially engaged and he will get the hint.

You also don't necessarily need the ring to be engaged, I was engaged for a few months before I got the ring since he wanted something I would like and he needed to save money for it.

As for family who say things to you, I don't think there is anything you can say to them to get them to stop, you will just have to smile and nod for a while and try not to let it get to you.


 

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 12:40 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

All I can offer is this:

Virtually every friend I've ever had who has gotten married spent a good 6-12 months thinking "what the eff is going on with him?"  And each of their husbands were happily independently picking rings, planning proposals, blissfully unaware of their significant other's feelings. 

A good friend once had a huge fight with her then-boyfriend  regarding this issue and almost broke up with him.  He kept saying during this fight "just give it time - I'm not ready yet."  He proposed 3 months later.  At the time of their fight, he couldn't tell her, but he had already chosen the ring; he was just planning the proposal.  Meanwhile, everytime she saw her mother, her mother was saying "you need to break up with him - he's never going to commit."

I had more or less been planning to break up with my now-fiance if we'd hit the 6 year mark and he hadn't proposed.  Unbeknownst to me, he'd been shopping/saving for a ring after our 5 year anniversary.  He proposed just 3 months shy of the 6 year mark. 

You just never know.  He knows what you want.  Give him a little more time to give it to you. How much?  Hard to say.  But I'd ask him directly - whats keeping him from taking the next step?

Also, you could always ask him.  I know it's not the way most women expect to start an engagement, but it is an option.


_________________________________________________
If I am pressed to say why I loved him, I feel it can only be explained by replying: "Because it was he; because it was me." - Montaigne

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 12:42 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

(oops)


Message was edited by MsDenuninani on Jul 10, 2007 12:43 PM

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JAllen Posts : 793 Registered: 9/1/06
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 12:42 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hm...thats a good question!  I was there about a year ago.  We had been together for almost 5 years. I was finally ready for him to ask me, but we never talked about it, like you guys have.  I just kept hoping it was going to happen, and it never did, and never did.  Turns out he wasn't sure I was ready yet(even though I thought I had dropped enough hints), and he want to ask my dad first.  We live in Florida and all of our family is in Oregon.  So he was waiting until we went home to visit to ask my dad, and he was trying to get a loan to get the ring, and blah blah blah.  So maybe he is just trying to work out the details, and do it right!  I would say, make sure that those people  who are asking you if he'd done it yet, are mentioning it to him also.  So he knows he still needs to propose.  He may think that because y'all have already starting discussing wedding plans, that it is assumed you are engaged, and he doesn't have to ask.  Or, just be honost with him.  Let him know that you are concerned about it.  Tell him you'd like to make it official if he is ready to also.  Mention going ring shopping, or mention, that you would still like a traditional proposal. 

 

I missed out on mine, because I was with my dad and fh when they started talking about it.  They kept sending me away from the table the get my chips(mexican rest) and I am a very suspicious person, so that is the first thing I thought of.  So I told my best friend what had happened, and she decided to stick her nose where it didn't belong, and ruined the whole thing.  I never got my proposal, I just got him saying he was planning on asking me.  And that was it.  Then we went ring shopping.  I'm still a little bitter about it, because, I had waited all that time, and had been very adamit about NOT just deciding we were gonna get married.  I wanted a traditional, suprise proposal.  Oh well...I got the man, so I can't complain! lol 

 

Anyway, sorry about the rant!  Hopefully the first part of this was helpful! lol  Good luck, and I hope he pops the big Q soon!


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Guest
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 1:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am in a very similar situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 3-1/2 years (living together for 1 year). We have talked about marriage since we were dating for about 6 months. I understand the frustration with "what is his problem, why hasn't he asked me yet". And I almost hated getting together with friends or family because they always ask when are we getting married. My reply, talk to him about it.

My best advice is to sit down with him, at a good time for both of you, and just talk about it, very openly and honestly. Express how you feel and directly ask him where he is at with everything and his thoughts. This is what I did and I got good results. The conversation went very well. He wants to marry me, but he just didn't get a chance to get a ring yet.

Good luck, if you relationship is good and he knows it, it will happen. 

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love4greys Posts : 396 Registered: 1/22/07
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 5:01 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My FH and I talked a lot about marriage a few months before he proposed.  We both knew we wanted to do it he told me he just wasn' ready yet.  What was really going on was that he had been looking and saving for the ring for awhile.  I agree with previous posters.  I would not discuss wedding plans until it has become official and if he asks be honest and tell him you are waiting to make any decisions until it's official.  And who knows you may change your mind about colors and things later.  When friends and family ask about your proposal just let them know that they need to ask him.  If you're really getting anxious just sit him down and have the conversation about you future.  That way you can set your mind at ease just know if he is planning a wonderful surprise you may ruin it by having "the talk".  Keep us posted!

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mindykatz Posts : 198 Registered: 5/27/07
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 5:57 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

It'll come!! Just try to be patient! FH and I used to talk about getting married all the time - this was over a year before we actually got engaged. I was like you - if we were talking about getting married, and we both knew we wanted to be married...wheres my ring!? lol!

I think that often, getting engaged is a bigger step for the man than the woman. This is HIS big step into marriage - he has to buy the ring, figure out what you like, figure out if you even want to marry him, figure out if he's ready to be married, figure out how to ask you.....all you have to do is say yes!! So give the guy a break - like a PP said, he is probably already thinking about or looking at rings for you. It takes time to get all of that together!

He also may have some underlying issues. I found out a few months before I got engaged that FH had a fear of marriage because his parents divorced. I had to pry that information out of him, then we had a long long emotional talk about it, where we laid out all our honest feelings about each other and about marriage and what being married would entail. Turns out that 3 weeks after that talk, he bought my ring.

Try to be patient, and don't smother him about wedding and engagement stuff. If he's worth marrying, then it will be worth your wait.  

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Guest
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 10, 2007 8:45 PM Go to message in response to: mindykatz

I wanted to thank you all for the input. I'm just not going to talk about it anymore. I haven't given him an ultimatum, I don't believe in that. He tells me he has a few dates in his mind & it will be by the end of this year. I'm just jumping in excitement & waiting because he's making it so difficult for me to relax.

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JaviesBride09 Posts : 6 Registered: 4/30/07
Re: Waiting for the ring
Posted: Jul 11, 2007 3:12 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I was in the same spot about two months back! Were had been together for almost 4 1/2 years and I was ready I knew he was the one && I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him! He'd always tell me he wanted to marry me but for those 4 1/2 year all I had was a promise ring Smile i loved the suprise of getting the promise ring, but I thought for sure he'd follow with an engagement ring. It took 2 1/2 years later for the engagment ring....which I finally got 2 months ago!

He'd always talk about how and where he wanted to get married but i guess he just took awhile to get there && ask me. Now I think back & when he started talking about wedding plans i'd change the subject b/c i felt like he'd lead me on....but I'm glad everything worked out the way it did!

Good luck && i hope everything works out 4 u 2! However mayb he wants to propose to you but has a good reason y he hasnt. Give it time, but stop the wedding talk!!


Soon To Be Ms. Torres

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