Name Change Anxiety

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sposabella Posts : 49 Registered: 4/22/07
Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 11:49 PM

Hello Everybody,

First time in this forum. Wondering... How did you feel about changing your name? Was it difficult to adjust to? If you don't consider this question too personal, what were some of the reasons you decided to change, or not change your name? I had originally thought I would keep my maiden name for several reasons; for example, I think it sounds beautiful with my first name, and I love the history behind it and all it represents. However, I have begun to think I might like to change it to my future husbands surname for the purpose of unity, especially after we have children. Please share your own insights on your own name changes. 

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SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 1:27 AM Go to message in response to: sposabella

I knew my husband for 7 years before we got married so I had a lot of time to think about this. I went back and forth for all the usual reasons. I decided to change it because I just like us both having the same name.

I also had a last name that went beautifully with my first name, both very Italian. I dropped my given middle name (which I always disliked) and made my maiden name my middle name, so I didn't give it up entirely. I kept it just for me.

When I was in my 20's, I was adamant that I would not change my name when I got married. But I didn't actually get married until I was 43. You would think I would be more attached to my name in my 40's, having had it so much longer, but it wasn't the case. 

I also tried out using my husband's name before the wedding. I gave it as my name at times when it didn't really matter (dropping off dry cleaning, putting in for a table at a restaurant, etc.) just to see how it felt. It was a little odd at first but I also liked it, it gave me a cozy, happy feeling.

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66nova Posts : 346 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 2:20 AM Go to message in response to: SeasideBride06

Before I got married, I didn't have a middle name, and I also loved my maiden name.  I, too was very adamant that I did not want to change my name.  I still did (just legally though)  right after our honeymoon.  In just three months after the wedding, I've run into a lot of problems (family, friends, salespeople, everyone) in trying to keep my name.  I've gotten those that don't believe I'm married, and I've gotten crap from his family saying that I must not want to be married to him if I don't want his name.  I just got my name changed last week, and I regret it - I still go by my maiden name.  While I love being married to him, and I believe he is my soul mate, I don't want his name, because I feel I'm losing a part of me.  DH understands this, but he's also very hurt, so I'm not sure what to do.  He says I could change it back, but I'm not sure if that's what I should do.  If the thought of changing your name is freaking you out, maybe you should wait a little to figure out if that's what you really want.  IMO, I don't think that not sharing a last name means is a bad thing.  Think about it for yourself.  I'm personally having a hard time, so it shouldn't be this way at all for you.


 

Our Wedding Page:  www.theknot.com/ourwedding/JanetSaenz&BenjaminMcDaniel

My MySpace Page:  www.myspace.com/chevy2rage  

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LizS Posts : 1,982 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 4:07 PM Go to message in response to: sposabella

My maiden name was a very long, hard to pronounce, hard to spell German name.  And. my husband's name is very easy.  So, I decided to change my name.  I actually never considered keeping my mainden name.  I like the idea of having the same name as mu husband and our future children's name.

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mindykatz Posts : 198 Registered: 5/27/07
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 4:13 PM Go to message in response to: SeasideBride06

I'm "trying out" my FH's last name too - my screen name is mindykatz...my first name is mindy, and my fiance's last name is katz! I've been using this as a screenname for a while now, so much so that it just sounds almost as natural as my real last name!!

also - im going from a 9 letter later same that is hard to sign because of weird d-to-g direction changes (lol), to a nice, short, easy to spell 4 letter last name. No complaints here!

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bridezilla1872 Posts : 4 Registered: 6/25/07
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 4:18 PM Go to message in response to: sposabella

I still don't know what to do. I want to keep mine because IT'S MINE, but my FH seems offended by the idea that I "don't want" his. And then I wonder who the kids will be named after....  And I do suspect people will see it as a lack of commitment on my part.

I'm leaning towards changing it, because he sure won't take my name or make up a new one, and I want the whole family to share one name when we have kids.

Will yours change his name?

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Guest
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 7:18 PM Go to message in response to: sposabella

I never even considered keeping my maiden name. I didn't dislike it or anything, I just felt like that is one of those things you do when you get married. I might be kind of old-fashioned for my age (19), but when getting married I just think the bride is supposed to change her last name. To me, It's just the famous people who keep their maiden name, and even hyphenating it is a stretch in my mind. I do find the concept of making it your middle name interesting, though. And just for the record, I'm not old-fasioned about everything; we had a female best "man." But, enough of my ranting, to each his (or her) own. Whatever you can live with the easiest is best.

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sposabella Posts : 49 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 29, 2007 1:09 AM Go to message in response to: bridezilla1872

My fiance would not change his name. He says he just couldn't do it that to his father.

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Guest
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 29, 2007 2:02 AM Go to message in response to: sposabella

I changed my name about a month after I got married.  I had planned to, it just took me a while to actually have time to go to the social security office, DMV, banks, and all of the other various places you have to go to do so.  I don't regret changing my name at all, and I don't feel like giving up my maiden name takes away from who I am or anything like that.  I mean, no matter what name I have, I will always be my father's daughter. 

I felt it was more important to keep my given names, Kaile Lauren, not my inherited ones.  My parents felt the same too, because I feel those names are my true identity and my parents gave them to me knowing that one day I would be married and my last name would change.  Taking my husband's name meant a lot to him too.  I love having his name and it's really exciting for me to add that to my new chapter in life.  We're not quite sure if we want kids or not yet (we're both young and don't need to decide on that for a long time!) but I like knowing that they'll have our last name.

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spring07bride Posts : 363 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 29, 2007 9:08 AM Go to message in response to: sposabella

I had major anxiety when it came to this!  I really didn't want to change my name in the beginning (even though I knew I would!), but then I realized that I wanted to share the same name as my husband and that I was just being petty.  So I changed it and I'm very happy with it.  It's even a lot shorter, which is nice!

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NewMrsSass Posts : 722 Registered: 12/31/06
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 29, 2007 9:42 AM Go to message in response to: sposabella

For some reason (and my opinion/feelings could be totally wrong), I feel like changing your last name to your husband's is like a sign of respect for your marriage.  It shows a united front: you are a team, with the same name and all.  I think it is nice when you have children as well, then everybody has the same name with no arguments and weirdness.  I think a lot of women who don't change their name get called "Mrs. Husband's-name" anyways.

I have no particular attachment to my own last name (neither does my family, although I do have a little brother who will "carry on the name," maybe that changes some people's opinions), and FH's name doesn't sound so great with my first name.  But I will be changing my name.  Since my last name is inconsequential to me (I am still apart of my family no matter what my last name is).


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Guest
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 29, 2007 9:52 AM Go to message in response to: NewMrsSass

I am having a hard time with this as well. FH's name is not longer, but difficult to pronounce, and never said correctly (foreign name). My name, on the other hand, although also foreign, is easy to say. I'm in a profession where my last name gets used all the time. What I may do is keep both names. This will allow me to continue to go by my name professionally, but legally have his name also. He doesn't object to my keeping my maiden name, as many women in my field of work have done so.  Does this sound too complicated?

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RockysGirl Posts : 1,125 Registered: 10/24/06
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 29, 2007 11:43 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well, I was going to type out everything I think and have done about this, but then I read what I was thinking.  Read KaileinKabul's response and that's me to a "t".

 

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Redlandsgirl Posts : 16 Registered: 5/4/07
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 29, 2007 8:31 PM Go to message in response to: sposabella

This will be difficult for me. I honestly don't like my last name, but it's been with me all my life and I'm used to it. I am going to change it but I think it will be very hard to get used to. I also think it will be hard to change my signature.

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: Name Change Anxiety
Posted: Jun 29, 2007 9:57 PM Go to message in response to: Redlandsgirl

I'm glad someone admitted to having anxiety over changing names, because I have felt anxious about it too.  Not really this time -- it's my 4th marriage -- but in the past.  I have always kept my maiden name in some way since my first divorce.  Here's how it went: 1st marriage, I kept my maiden name as my middle name and took my husband's surname.  I liked his surname and felt it went well with my first name.  Divorced, resumed my maiden name.  2nd marriage, did not take my husband's name at all, kept my maiden name.  I didn't think his surname would sound good with my maiden name as the middle name, and was unwilling to drop my maiden name.  Plus, that was the 1970s when lots of married women were keeping their maiden names.  Divorced, no complications this time as I was already using my maiden name.  10+ yrs on my own.  When I got engaged again, I was a bit upset that my fiance expected me to take his name.  I really didn't want the complications and, being over 40, I had established my career using my maiden name.  And I felt that his surname didn't go that great with my other names.  I checked with our lawyer, who said it was fine to keep using my maiden name for business as long as I did it consistently.  That's what I did, and in personal life (and on my driver's license, passport, social security card) I took my husband's surname and used my maiden name as my middle name, despite feeling that they didn't really go together all that well.  When my husband died, no name change was necessary or appropriate.  On becoming engaged to my present husband, we talked about it and he would have been fine with however I wanted to do it.  I dropped my former husband's surname and took my new husband's surname, keeping my maiden name as middle name all along.  And still using my maiden name alone for business.  This time it feels great, I really like my new husband's surname and I think it goes great with my first name.  And my husband likes to hear me referred to as "Mrs."
Eve T

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