No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 4:39 PM Go to message in response to: newsjunkie

Well to each his own Newsie....I on the other hand do not see anything wrong with a 4 and 6 year old coming into the back of a room to see their grandparents, great grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins and other people who may be leaving directly from the wedding and are unable to do a meet and greet at another location.  Some things just don't work out that way. 

And to almost every person that went to that wedding totally agreed with me that the bi&%h...I mean bride....was completely out of line for lying. 

 After finding out that she lied to me, I did call and called her on the lie.  Then I talked to my cousin, and told him what had happened.  Needless to say he was pissed, and I also told him that I will be declining the invitation.  I did not attend the wedding, I did however GO to the town where the wedding was, and we all sat around and had our own little "roast" in the b&^ch's........I mean Brides.....honor.  My cousin completely understood.

And Newsie, I am sorry but I do not believe children to be "uninvited guests".  They are children.   

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Guest
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 4:47 PM Go to message in response to: SeasideBride06

I actually considered this idea of saying it was a liability issue only because even after we have told them no children, they still are insisting on bringing them and sometimes you just have to do something else. If just telling them No is not enough, other things have to be done. I feel like its making me feel like a b*tch but like everyone said "its my wedding, I am paying for it and it's my choice" ! People just need to respect that.  I am not going to use that liablitiy excuse but trust me, it would make things easier.

I did send an email to the friend from the East Coast offering up a babysitter at the hotel. I am offering this to the cousins too. If they still dont want it , then they all can stay home!!!! After getting so many responses on this, it made me feel better about my decision and knowing its ok for me to expect people to respect it.


 

 

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mindykatz Posts : 198 Registered: 5/27/07
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 4:57 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

I agree that kids make weddings, which is why I decided to have them at mine, and its why you're having them at yours. But the bride at the wedding you were invited to didn't want them at hers. Why couldn't you have left the reception for 5 minutes to go check on your kids instead of having them brought down to the reception? And if it was at a hotel, I'm sure there was plenty of time for them to see their family before or after the wedding. This isnt the best analogy, but to me its sort of like, if the bride said it was a dry reception, but someone decided to chug a flask of vodka in the back of the room. Yeah, it'd be discreet, but its still purposely going against the wishes of the host of the wedding, who paid a LOT of money to have it.

I agree that the bride shouldn't have lied about it, and it's true, "to each his/her own", but it seemed like you went to an awful lot of effort just to make a point that probably fell on deaf ears anyway. If I read your post correctly, you actually traveled to the town where the wedding was for the sole purpose of "having a roast in the b&^ch's honor"? I'm sure you had your reasons, that just seems a little excessive and in bad taste.

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NYBridesmaid Posts : 11 Registered: 6/7/07
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 5:16 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Seadreamer- Personally I find that excuse feasible, simply because of her event's location.  I would never suggest to say that for a hotel event.  Some people are difficult and won't take 'No' for an answer, only then would I try to come up with some other reason that she might listen to.  


Prior to this forum, I never that guests would be so manipulative when it came to bringing children.  Though, honestly, it never occurred to me to not invite children in the first place.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 5:22 PM Go to message in response to: mindykatz

yeah, blaming a venue is a bit cowardly.  But in the situation where a guest is trying to get their kid to the wedding, either by invitation or by the child coming in just to say "hi" to their grandmother, you're either going to be a coward and lie, or you're going to be a *itch and say "I said no."

Seriously, at some point, the guest is just being a child themselves.  It's like a kid asking "can I go to to the park after school" No.  "Can I just go for little while" No. "Can I just get on the slide?"  No.  "What if I'm good" I said No.

Wether the child is invited, there for a meal, or there to say "hi", it's a child at the wedding.  After you've said no children at the wedding. What's confusing about this?


------------------------------------------------------------

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." --Albert Einstein


Message was edited by MsDenuninani on Jun 27, 2007 5:25 PM

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gregsgirl Posts : 252 Registered: 12/19/06
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 5:50 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

You have every right to chose to not have kids attend. And you are being very accomodating by providing not one but two baby-sitting options.

Apparently no is not a good enough answer for some people. No kids means no kids. Those who show up, be it for the whole night or just five minutes, are uninvited guests.

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magicjenna Posts : 363 Registered: 1/28/07
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 5:55 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Hi Seadreamer,

I'm sorry I don't agree with you at all. The bride didn't want children for whatever reason. Yes it was stupid to lie about it especially when the venue was a hotel, I think the OP could get away with it because of it being on a boat, provided she does it correctly. Don't say kids are never allowed on this boat, say due to cost it raised the insurance of this particular trip since so many people would be on the boat with alcohol and the OP couldn't afford the large difference to cover the insurance or something like that.

I am going to guess your cousin is the groom? He understood you going to the town where the wedding was to "roast" his future wife? Seems out of line to me.

You see nothing wrong with children stopping by the back of the room but what if other people also had kids? Could their kids also stop by the back of the room too? Why do you get the exception?

Sorry I don't want to turn this into "one of those posts" but your post seemed pretty harsh. I hope you have other issues with this woman besides not having your children invited to your wedding for calling her a butthole.

 To the OP sorry for that, I think you are being more then accomodating offering babysitting. People need to know no is no, I wish you luck.


 


Message was edited by magicjenna on Jun 27, 2007 5:56 PM

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 8:04 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Seadreamer, if they were not invited to the wedding they were "uninvited guests".  That is what uninvited means.  Children do not get an automatic invite to everything because they are children.   Would you bitch at a host who tried to hold a nonwedding cocktail party without inviting kids?

And your cousin was probably pissed because his cousin doesn't understand that her children are not the center of the universe rather than because his FW lied to you. I would have lied, too, if I was dealing with someone who could not rationally understand why it would be awkward to allow invited to guests to bring their uninvited children to the party to mingle- because that is exactly what you are asking.  Have your own family reunion.  You should have declined that invitation with class instead of spreading your negative attitude to the bride, groom, and "almost every person that went to that wedding" who totally agreed with you that she was out of line for lying.  She WAS out of line for lying but you obviously don't get it any other way.  I don't mean to be so confrontational, I just can't believe someone would really go that out of their way- traveling to the town and everything- to be mean to a bride who dared throw a party in the manner you didn't like.  Were you paying for the event?

I honestly love kids but it makes me really angry when guests like this try to dictate the guest list, even under the guise of "they are just coming for a few minutes to see family members they never get to see".  You pay for the party, you invite who you want.  Otherwise, if you don't like it then don't come.  Nuff said!

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Guest
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 11:54 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

 

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Message was edited by SoCalBride2007 on Jun 27, 2007 11:55 PM

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SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 12:45 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Seadreamer, "no kids" means no kids, not "no kids except for when guests decide their kids should get to come to part of the reception." I'm sure their "visit" would have lasted a lot longer than 5 minutes and you seem like you would have justified their staying longer, because they needed more time to say hi to everyone or they were already there so it didn't matter if they stayed longer or some other reason. Perhaps the bride felt the need to lie to you because you obviously couldn't accept the fact that your kids were not invited and were determined to get them into  the reception.

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 8:52 AM Go to message in response to: SeasideBride06

To All-

Ok I knew I was going to catch a lot of slack about this particular wedding story.  I did not go to the town just to have a "roast" on the brides behalf.  I went to see a lot of people that I have not seen since my husbands funeral, and because I made the decision not to go to the wedding, I still wanted the boys to see the family.  So I turned it into a vacation. 

It doesn't make sense to debate the issue of wether the kids would have stayed 5 minutes or 5 hours.  That ship has sailed, and I am not going to speculate on anything.  With me, personally, and my family, No one, including my cousin (the groom at the time) saw ANYTHING wrong with the kids actually being there, so no one could wrap their minds around the reason WHY one person was being sooooo anal about a stop. 

I was NOT trying to get them INVITED to the reception.  I had a bunch of activities planned for them, and it was never even DEFINATE that they were going to stop by in the first place. 

So please do not speculate or judge me for a MAYBE situation.

I tried to leave out a lot of the super bad things that this particular bride has done in the years that her and my cousin were dating.  She made extremely rude comments at my first husbands funeral, she has been extremely rude to many many family members, and she totally went off the deep end when I gave my wedding gift.  ( I had my cousins garage redone and turned into a work station because he is into carpentry).

I understand that "no kids means no kids".  I DO NOT like to be lied to.  I also do not like people to jump to their own conclusions about a situation, when the information has been placed on the table and people want to turn the facts into "Oh she was bound and determined to get the kids into the reception". 

To OP.....Please see my first post regarding this situation that you are being faced with, you are doing the responsible thing.

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Guest
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 9:37 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

OP sorry your thread was completley hijacked because YET AGAIN people have to argue the issue. Kids, no kids. It gets old and quite frankly makes you all sound like children yourselves.

OP did you hear anything back yet on your freinds from the E coast. Hopefully they will accept your offer of the babysitter. I, unlike others apparently, find it very sweet that the mother would stay at the hotel with her child so her DH can attend your wedding. She is not only trying to respect your wishes, but at the same time being pretty selfless as I could bet she would rather be at your wedding than stuck in a hotel room.

And SOME PARENTS can not leave state without their children. It isn't feesable...to whoever said "what is the point of traveling if you are going to be stuck in your hotel room"...the point is so that she can be with her DH and he can attend a wedding (which is ONE night) and then mybe the next day their whole family (yikes yes...her kid too!) Can sightsee or what not.

 

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SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 11:29 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Okay Gin, this is a sincere question, because I really want to know, and it's addressed really to all parents, not just you, but I happen to know that you're a parent:

Didn't you/shouldn't you have considered the possibility of these situations before you had children and come up with a general plan for handling them? Some people (not saying you) act like it never occured to them there might be occasions when they couldn't take their child with them and it's an outrage to suggest that they go somewhere without their children. They couldn't possibly leave the children with a sitter, ever, for any reason, and it's the responsibility of everyone else they may encounter to accomodate their children. 

Sorry, I know I'm highjacking the thread, but I'd really like someone to explain this attitude to me. 

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NewMrsSass Posts : 722 Registered: 12/31/06
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 11:33 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

To the OP:  Anyone who insists on bringing their kid(s) when only the parents were invited is rude.  Period.  You and FH, your parents, and/or his parents are PAYING.  If you say no kids (which is a FANTASTIC idea considering the wedding is on a boat...I'd be having panic attacks worried that one was going overboard), that means NO KIDS.  PERIOD.  You are doing more than enough organizing babysitting services.  If people don't want to use your babysitters...tough cookies.  I know you want everyone you invited to come, but if they can't/won't leave their kids, you will just have to chalk it up as a loss and move on.  Don't change the no kids policy for ANYONE...not only will you have to deal with grief from the other guests, but God forbid anything happen to the little one.

As for the kids "stopping by" the hotel reception story...wow.  I mean...just WOW.  First of all, if the children were in the hotel and just absolutely HAD to see the family, then the grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc could have left the reception room for five minutes to come up the children's hotel room.  NO KIDS means NO KIDS.  If the bride says NO, it means NO.  What in God's name is so damn hard to understand about that?  The bride seemed to me like she had a good reason to lie...because some of her guests were rude and wouldn't take "no" for an answer.  The fact that the hotel was called to check on this lie is absurd.  If she let one guest's kids "make a stop by," she would have had at least 10 other guests pissed off that their kids weren't invited to "make a stop by."  TO EACH HIS/HER OWN.  If I were her, I would have been, as my dad says, "happier than a pig in sh*t" to NOT have any of those rude guests there.

Back to OP:  do not feel guilty.  You are absolutely doing the right thing.  Don't go back on the no kids policy.  In your case, not only is it because of your wishes, but it is the SAFE thing to do.  It is YOUR party, YOU are paying for it, YOU want to be comfortable on YOUR wedding day.  You are offereing sitting services to guests, which is more than a lot of people with a no kids policy do.  Good for you!  Good luck


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Guest
Re: No kids at wedding! Why dont people understand??
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 11:34 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thank you everyone for the advice. I have not heard back from our friend on the East Coast yet. She may not have gotten the email until today and will probably need to go home and talk it over with her husband. Her willingness to stay at the hotel is what has made me feel more guilty about saying no. With the cousins it was just "I have to bring my kid" . They didnt ask they just told me the way it was so that makes it easier for me to say NO to them. I guess its all about the presentation. hehe

Though- another note about the friend on the East Coast. They are going to Vegas a few days before our wedding to renew their wedding vows so they have used this trip to also do what they wanted to do so its just not for our wedding. Not sure who is watching their kid during that unless they are just including her in the ceremony.

And just a side note about the cousins,they are causing other issues now too. The one cousin is all bent I didnt invite her to my Vegas Bachelorette party but she is 7 mos pregnant. Hello- she is pregnant. Its not lot like she is going to go drinking and clubbing with us.  I know thats a whole another topic but it just displays the kind of people I am dealing with.


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