Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 9

needadvice Posts : 3 Registered: 3/8/07
Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: Mar 8, 2007 10:34 PM

Hi Everyone, I need a little advice. I have been with the most wonderful women for almost 2 years (in May). I realize that is not that long, I have had a couple other relationships that have lasted longer, but nothing like this. I can honestly say I knew she was the one from the first time I saw her. I have a great job and could support both of us. I really feel comfortable in my life, but she is the thing that is missing right now.

Well here is the issue... In Sept we decided to move into together, I was hesitant and didn't know if it was such a good idea, but I knew it would make her happy so I gave in. It actually turned out to the best thing! We went to bed together and woke up together and that’s all I ever wanted. She has a job that requires a lot of travel, and she was talking about switching to a different position that would require no travel. I supported her with whatever decision. It was amazing the love and attraction we had for each other.

In Oct she suffered an injury which did not allow her to work. I did not think it was that big of a deal and was kind of excited that I would get to see her every night. After a couple months she became depressed. I didn’t realize how different it was for her, I would at least go to work and see other people everyday, where all she would see is just me 5 out of the 7 days. I told her to go out with her friends and even gave her spending money since she didn’t get as much while she wasn’t working. She then started to really question everything and acting out saying I was holding her back, which I wasn’t. I have always wanted her to have her independence and own life, this was the first time I had ever seen her like this.

Last month she said she needed some space and time. While I was away for a weekend she moved out completely without telling me. She started to feel ‘closter phobic’ when we would talk about her feelings and us. She started back at work a couple weeks ago, about 2 days after she moved out.

We talked after I got back and I told her that this whole situation really caught me off guard and I needed to clear my head and think about things. I think this really broke her heart. So now we don’t talk everyday, maybe 1 every 5, and I have seen her maybe twice on our ‘date night’, which was lunch and a movie. When I dropped her off last time I got upset because I didn’t feel that is was right, I guess everything kind of hit me at that point. That was 5 day’s ago, I haven’t spoken to her since.

I feel that since she was out of work everything has changed. With this time, this is what I have come up with. I’m going to give her space for March and April, then go on one of our ‘date nights’ and see how she is feeling about us at the beginning of May. If it goes well, then I’m going to propose to her in May. I’m hoping that with her working again, she might come to realize what we had and appreciate me more. And with the space and time we are giving each other that too will help us in the long run.

What I have been telling all my other friends in similar relationships is, the thing I regret the most not proposing to her last summer when things were amazing. The only reason I didn’t is because I thought it would last forever so why rush into it? I feel at this point we are at a fork in the road, and she doesn’t know which way she wants to go. If she chooses the ‘other road’, then at least I will know and I can move on.

I have heard that the 2 year mark is the hardest point to get through, because your passionate love you have for someone changes to the long-term endearing love. What do you think? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Message was edited by needadvice on Mar 8, 2007 10:34 PM

Reply
Guest
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: Mar 9, 2007 8:30 AM Go to message in response to: needadvice

Wow, Im sorry to hear that ur relationship isnt going all that well right now. I have been engaged for 4 months now, and we dated for almost 6 years prior to that.

I have to agree with you on the "2 year mark" at about 2 years I was questioning whether he was what I wanted for the rest of my life, seeing my friends constantly switch from guy to guy, and going on all girls spring breaks and girls trips, I thought I wanted that again. I tried everything I could and he would not let me end the relationship because like you, he had already realized we were meant to be together.

At first I was really put off by this, and wanted space, I started trying to hang out with friends, and do girls events, but all I did was watch other couples and by the end of the night I would end up in tears, all I could think about was him, and how much I wanted to be at home in his arms.

After a short while we got back together and we have had our share of fights and dissagrements, but we just learn from them and our relationship continues to grow stronger...

I think you should stick with your plan, just don't give her too much space you don't want her to feel like you really could care less. You want to make her understand that you care about her more than anything or anyone else, if you can show her this and keep some distance, I am pretty sure she will come back to you. Just remember to keep a level head, us girls can get emotional, and do things we don't mean, so just let it roll and keep on loving her... It will work out in the end however it was meant to work out!

Hope this helps some, GOOD LUCK!


Message was edited by Stargrl1185 on Mar 9, 2007 8:30 AM

Reply


MoreThanExpected Posts : 158 Registered: 2/13/07
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: Mar 16, 2007 12:52 PM Go to message in response to: needadvice

OK, I'm sorry but this is almost too weird.  I honestly feel like I was reading my boyfriends diary and seeing his view of the last few weeks.  We hit our 2 year mark last month and it's no joke about trying to get through it.  He's talking marraige and I haven't even been sure that living together is working out so well.  Anyway sorry I'm rambling.  My point is that I can see myself freaking out and getting depressed in much the same way if I was cut off from most everything I knew and enjoyed, I hate feeling that someone I care about has to take care of me and have a tendancy to run when things get hard.....BUT for the right guy I'm slowly changing that.....and trust me when I say SLOWLY Wink. She may be working on something like this as well and hopefully doesn't feel she's already lost you.  I agree with the last poster not to give her too much distance, make sure to call or email her once a week before May so she knows you are still a part of her life....a consistant that isn't going anywhere just because it's a little hard (hypocritical I know since she ran, but trust me on this one) and I honestly believe you'll get your happily ever after.  Good luck with it all as you sound like a good, decent and deserving guy.

Reply

needadvice Posts : 3 Registered: 3/8/07
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: Mar 20, 2007 10:37 PM Go to message in response to: MoreThanExpected

Wow, you girls are great! Here’s an update…

Since I last wrote, I have probably talked to her twice, both for only a couple mins, not my choice. Well I talked to her yesterday because we had a date scheduled for tonight. She told me she was crabby and tired, but I told her that I had something to cheer her up. I went to her new apartment, freakin weird by the way, and gave her a big canvas. She’s an artist. I also told her that I missed her like crazy and I think about her all the time. I told her that I was sorry for not listening to her when she was upset, and trying to fix her problems. I also said I was sorry for everything that has happened and for not being there for her when she needed me the most. I gave her a big hug and told her that I hold nothing against her and have no resentment, I just want her back. She said she misses me and thinks about me, but just doesn’t know where her feelings are, I’m not really sure how to take that. So anyway, she called me at 4pm today to reschedule our dinner for a different day, she had to fly back to TX because she to be with a girlfriend that is going through some family issues. I really hope she is being honest with me on this and just not a way of not seeing me. I guess I just have to trust her.

I feel like I laid it out for her last night and got nothing back which definitely hurt. I got a suggestion from someone to start a relationship diary where everyday I would write down things I thought about us, and list things that I love about her everyday. Also put down things I’m willing to work on to make her happy in this relationship. This would be something I could give to her and say ‘this is everything about me, what I think about you, and what I want in the future’. I began this after my first post so its getting long. Then give her a couple weeks with it and let her decide. Is this too definite? I just feel like I’m waiting on her and that kills me. However she does say she wants to get back to where we were which is the only reason I haven’t given up on us. Help me!

Reply

LizS Posts : 1,982 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: Mar 21, 2007 9:42 AM Go to message in response to: needadvice

Honestly, No!  YOU SHOULD NOT PROPOSE!!!  If I were her and not sure what I wanted, I would say "No".  And, if she does say "yes" it would probably be to only not hurt your feelings.  She needs to figure out what she wants from you and if she still wants you in her life in that way.  I know everything was wonderful last summer, but what if you were getting married next month and she was having these feelings???  Nothing would have changed.  Just because you give her a ring does not mean that she is yours forever. Relationships sometimes fall through.  I konw you want to be with her, but you really need to support her and give her the space she wants.  If you propose to her right now, you may make her feel pressured and loose her forever.

Reply

serendipity3033 Posts : 363 Registered: 5/11/06
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 9:25 PM Go to message in response to: needadvice

Oh sweetie, this doesnt look good.  That makes me very sad because you seem to be a keeper too!  Unfortunately, many many people just suck.  It sounds like shes blowing you off which is dispicable since youre not just some bum from a one-night stand... You had a wonderful relationship in the past, and you deserve more than this.

 

On the other hand, its now the middle of April, so maybe you havent posted because she came back and you dont need us anymore?    Tell us if we should be comforting or congratulating you!

 


 

Reply

needadvice Posts : 3 Registered: 3/8/07
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 10:19 PM Go to message in response to: serendipity3033

Wow, thats weird, I was just stopping by just to see if anyone else has replied figuring nobody has. Well here's the update...

 

A couple weeks of staying together and trying to work towards us, we decided to seperate. I could tell she wasn't happy anymore, and she said she can see how much I love her, but she doesn't feel the same anymore (major heartbreak). We both said that we would never want to hate each other and maybe in the future our paths will cross, but we know now its not good to be together. I'm greiving the loss of her now (but I hope not forever) and really trying to move forward in my life. I have started to see a therapist, which is really strange so I'm not sure how long I will stick with it. Its such a heartbreaker, I really felt like she was the one, and I also feel as though I could have been there better for her when she needed me the most. I don't know what the furture holds for me, but right now I just have to find myself again, no matter how much I don't want to end things. I'm not going to lie though, if she came back through those doors now, nothing would make me happier. I have debated many sleepless nights on what I should do next, but I'm not sure if there is a next step. My heart and soul tells me to go find her, pick her up and swing her around, but then this time, never make the mistake of letting her go. I wish I could give you a very happy ending, something great, but I can't. I am even debating if I should post this on such a great and upbeat website.

I wish everyone luck with there weddings, I'm sure you all deserve it! Thanks for your support.

 

Reply

serendipity3033 Posts : 363 Registered: 5/11/06
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: Apr 14, 2007 9:01 PM Go to message in response to: needadvice

Awwwwwwww.... Im so sorry Frown  I think the only step left to take is to grieve, and thats completely normal!  Lick your wounds right now, and in time, move on with your head held high!  Youll make a deserving girl very very happy.

 

And dont worry about posting on here.  I doubt theres anyone here who hasnt had their heart broken too.  The most important thing to help you get through this is to know that you are not alone!  Good luck!


 

Reply


BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: May 2, 2007 2:52 PM Go to message in response to: needadvice

Just remember that everything happens for a reason. Hang in there. you will get through it
The Big Day: 9/20/08

Reply


FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Should I ask her?? Ladies I need help!
Posted: May 2, 2007 3:05 PM Go to message in response to: needadvice

there were guys that i dated that i probably would have married if they had asked because loved them so much at the time but those relationships ended for whatever reason and now i couldn't imagine my life with anyone other than FH

 

love IS a two way street you'll find that girl who will meet you in the middle!

 

and won't she be lucky ;) 



Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine