who is invited to the bridal shower?

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Guest
who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 12, 2007 4:28 PM

i have to give a guestlist to my sister and my mom soon. my mom will be throwing a shower for family and friends in my hometown, which is straightforward. my sister (MOH) and other 2 BM's will be throwing the main shower. are ALL of the women on the wedding guestlist invited to the shower? that seems weird to me. for example - there is out of town family on both sides that might not even come in for the wedding - should they be invited to the shower? how about family on FH's side that i've never met? what about female friends on FH's side that i'm not close to?

 

Katrina and Jim

July 21, 2007





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MrsMcDAtLast Posts : 860 Registered: 1/1/07
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 12, 2007 5:05 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Who is invited to a bridal shower confuses me, too.  I'm kind of wondering the opposite question that you are, tela: Does everyone who gets invited to the bridal shower HAVE to be invited to the wedding?

My aunt (who I know will help plan a bridal shower for me) was saying something the other day about one for me.  She said something like, ''Yeah, and I know Teresa will want to come, and Megan will want to come...'' Teresa is someone who worked with both my aunt and me at my first job, and I had planned to invite her to my wedding, because we got close when we worked together.  Megan is someone who also worked there, who my aunt thinks is just the most fantastic, sweetest girl ever.  I, however, was never close to her (she gets on my nerves a bit), and hadn't planned on inviting her to the wedding. (She's a strange young woman, she's 23 or 24 years old, and goes over to my aunt's house to stay the night and hangs out there in her jammies that have feet; just seems strange to me)  I just know my aunt will drag her along to my shower, so do I therefore have to invite her to my wedding?

Tela, I wasn't trying to hijack your thread or anything, so sorry for the long post, I just get confused about who gets invited to what, as well. 

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Guest
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 12, 2007 8:32 PM Go to message in response to: MrsMcDAtLast

haha no problem!  i hope people respond to both our situations!  this etiquette thing is so confusing.  i had a similar issue last summer - my parents threw us an engagement party a couple months after we announced the big news.  yes we had booked our location, but we hadn't gotten to the guest list yet.  well, my mom invited all her friends!  she knew that they wouldn't all be on the wedding guestlist and it was kind of awkward because they brought gifts even though my parents were clear about the casual party and insisted that people only bring advice (yeah right - i predicted the outcome of that situation). 

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gregsgirl Posts : 252 Registered: 12/19/06
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 13, 2007 8:18 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Etiquette says that everyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding. The only exceptions are if coworkers throw you an office shower, or if you are having a small destination wedding.

Also, technically, showers are not supposed to be hosted by any member of the the bride or groom's immediate family. Some logic about making it look like nothing but a gift grab when a family member does it. I've never really quite understood that, but whatever.

The basic guest list should include the bridal party, the mothers, grandmothers, and sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride’s closest friends, and closest exended family members (aunts or cousins). Beyond that it is up to you, it's not necessary for all wedding guests to be invited to the shower. Some people consider it rude to invite out of town wedding guests to the shower, because they likely will be unable to make two trips, but will feel obligated to send you a shower gift even if they can not attend.

If you are having multiple showers, it is best to vary the guest list. For instance have one shower be with friends of your parents (assuming they are invited to the wedding) and another for your extended circle of friends. Or have one shower be just for the girls, and one be a couples shower. I've never been to one of the latter, but am invited to one in March (hosted by FMIL, for her cousin) and it sounds like it will be alot of fun.

I hope that helps you both out. Enjoy your showers!

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MrsMcDAtLast Posts : 860 Registered: 1/1/07
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 14, 2007 6:33 PM Go to message in response to: gregsgirl

Very helpful post, Gregsgirl, thanks a lot!

How do I then tell my relatives not to drag their friends along with them, since it would be rude to have them at the shower, but not invite them to the wedding?  My relatives don't seem to understand the meaning of the word etiquette, they think it's perfectly okay to do things like bring uninvited friends with them, or be ''a few minutes late'' to things likes showers and parties. Any ideas? I really didn't want to invite every last person I've ever met in my whole life, as I never wanted a huge wedding.

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Guest
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 15, 2007 11:02 AM Go to message in response to: gregsgirl

Thank you soooo much for your input!! You have no idea what I have been going through with my FMIL and my bridal shower. We are in the middle of an arguement because she wants her friends that I dont' know and my FH really doesn't know invited to my shower. She's says that it's proper etiguette that everyone invited to the wedding should be invited to the bridal shower. You have no idea how this has helped me. I actually printed the post out to show her. Thanks for your help!!!!

 

Joe and Cristina

August 10, 2007


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Guest
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 16, 2007 2:03 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm having two. One of them, yes - my mom is throwing in conjunction with a bridesmaid regardless of what the bible on weddings says and the other one a friend of the groom's mother is throwing it. At the later one, I know absolutely no body...but it's really a tribute to my FH's mom and less too me. They are celebrating and I think that's great. It will be a nice luncheon and it's everyone she works with, her friends in her neighborhood, etc. I think it's nice that she's throwing the party, so I look forward to meeting new people...

The one at my mom's is going to be BIG - 60-70 people and I'm really looking forward to it. All of my work associates, friends, etc. are invited to it. Because we're having a destination wedding with mainly family, we're inviting a lot of people to this one. Should be a good time!

I LOVE parties!

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MxBride Posts : 32 Registered: 10/17/06
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 18, 2007 2:01 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My mother organized the bridal shower, and Everyone that I invited to my shower will be invited to the wedding: close fiends, a few coworkers, all my family, and a few family of FH.

But not all that I will invited to the wedding went to the shower like my Mom cowerkers, FMIL friends in her neighborhood.

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gregsgirl Posts : 252 Registered: 12/19/06
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 18, 2007 11:45 PM Go to message in response to: MrsMcDAtLast

Glad I could help!

As far as telling your relatives not to bring other people, I'm not really sure you have to. When you talk to them about the shower, you can stress that you want it to be a small affair, but beyond that it's pretty much out of your hands. Based on what you've said, it sounds like you could put "Please don't invite other people" on the invites and they still wouldn't get the hint, so I wouldn't even bother making a big deal about it. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but if they lack the etiquette to know enough to not bring uninvited guests, then they probably lack knowledge of the "Shower Invite=Wedding Invite" rule too. 

Anyone you invite to the shower should be invited to the wedding. Anyone you don't personally invite does not need to be included on your wedding guest list, in my opinion.

Good luck!

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Guest
Re: who is invited to the bridal shower?
Posted: Feb 28, 2007 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: gregsgirl

Perhaps you could say "no guests, please" and tell them that is because you are planning "specific activities" (gifts/favours, etc.) for each invited guest, and are on a limited budget?  :->

Getting married January 8, 2007!

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