Is this normal after being newly engaged?

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Guest
Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Jan 11, 2007 8:46 PM

My fiancee' proposed on Christmas Day.  The past couple days we have been arguing more than we ever have about little things.  We laugh about it later, so I figured it's just stress.  He is trying to find a house as his roommate's wife is moving in, and he just got promoted to Sheriff's Deputy.  I'm starting a new semester at school and trying to find a job.  It seems like a rough patch to me.  But tonite my parents, who were very supportive, now point out that I should really think about how we are getting along.  And my mom said we haven't been as loving toward each other since the engagement.  I still feel he and I are okay, but need some time alone together, without worrying about everyday things.  And maybe making extra effort to not take out our stress on each other.  My parents' concern bothers me, though.  Is it normal to argue because of stress after being newly engaged?  And is it normal for my parents to feel protective over me about getting married?

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Jan 11, 2007 10:49 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My boyfriend and I have been the same way (we got engaged on Christmas Eve). I expected us both to be all lovey-dovey and that he'd be just as excited as I am about getting married, but our different reactions in both these areas are causing stress between us. We have never been much for fighting with each other, but we have been a little cooler with one another, I think. I think it's a rough patch, too, and mostly stress related. I wouldn't worry if I were you. 

 As for your protective parents, I'd say totally normal. They want you to make the best decision and look at what's going on and if it's a serious problem, then they're giving you an out before you've gotten to a point of no return. If you're looking for something to tell them, just say you'll think about it and let them know if things are okay, or if things are taking a turn for the worse, but I wouldn't worry. Just try a little harder to see the other side before you start arguing and take a night to be alone together without any wedding talk (I know that's what stressing us out). 

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Jan 12, 2007 12:56 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hey girlys! Don't sweat the small stuff... Im sure is just stress of thinking, We took the first leap and there are so many more steps to take.... Its a lot to take on all at once... Everyone asking you all the questions like "So when's the big day, where are you getting married, who are you having in your line, what are your colors... blah blah blah"  Things will get better.... Just give it time and like watersofmarch said, take a night alone with just the 2 of you and NO wedding talk. Just have a night like you use to! Things will come around!

As for your parents, TOTALLY normal! They just want whats best for you and don't want to see their daughter unhappy! My mom got like this for a while but thats because, when I was having a bad day with FH or somethin I would talk to her about it. My mom and I are really close! But I have found that if you don't talk to her about the bad things are much, they don't notice as much and then things are ok! Because of course they are going to take your side over his! Just give it time! Everything will get better! GOOD LUCK!


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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Feb 3, 2007 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

This is so incredibly normal!  My boyfriend and I after we got engaged were at each other's throats constantly.  We even broke up.  After about eight months, we started talking again and now we're unofficially engaged (again).  The important thing is not to let wedding talk take center stage - the wedding is nothing compared to what you have together, focus on that.  If someone is having doubts, just cease talking about it until it gets better again.  Eventually you will remember why you got engaged in the first place.

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Jerseygal8785 Posts : 144 Registered: 12/5/06
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Feb 5, 2007 5:15 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Wow, I just posted the same type of thing.  I guess it is normal to be arguing.  Life isn't perfect all the time, I guess relationships don't need to be either.  I guess that is the point, we know we have someone for the rest or our life we can be miserable or upset or mad or happy and he will always be there.  I would rather argue with him than be with anyone else.  Good luck.  I found when we get stressed definietly don't talk about the wedding boys don't want to hear it and we get back to our "original" life.  Good Luck

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hairdogri Posts : 18 Registered: 2/4/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Feb 7, 2007 11:32 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think it is normal, Jamielynn.  You have so many things going on it your life right now, and all of them are stressful in and of themselves.  Househunting can be fun, but not always, especially if there is pressure to make a quick decision.  Getting a promotion, while a good thing, is stressful because you no longer have that comfort zone of knowing exactly what is expected of you or how those you beat out for the promotion are going to treat you.  So your finace has that on his plate.  You don't know what your class workload is going to be like and what your free time is going to be like when you factor in having a job, homework, school activities, etc.  Interviews are nervewracking.  I am sure this is just a rough patch-you have a lot going on and I am sure once you get settled with your classes and new job and he with his new job and house, your lives will get back to normal.  You've just been hit with an awful lot in a short amount of time and need time to adjust to these changes in your routines.

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Feb 22, 2007 11:57 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hello, get this!!! The night before my second Wedding my husband-to -be and I had a huge argument that made totally no sense! We were really stressed out due to having none of our family present. Unfortunately we had to wed at the Courthouse since we had moved to a new city and planned to have a huge reception later. So you guys are fine just take some non wedding time to get away and Relax!!!

Good Luck!

-SkaterBride

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 7, 2007 3:18 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thank God I'm not alone, and I knew I wasn't.  My FH and I have not been getting along AT ALL.   I am doing all of the planning essentially by myself, working 65 hour weeks, dealing with a combative roommate, and in search of a new job for when I have to relocate and move in with him in NJ from Philly.  I keep trying to explain all of these stresses to him and that he needs to be a bit more understanding, but he just doesn't seem to get it.  All I hear from him is how I've changed so much since we got engaged and that I'm not my happy-go-lucky self anymore.  I try telling him that maybe if I didn't have to hear those words from him everyday and got a little more understanding from him, I could be a little less stressed.  It's gotten to the point where I've had doubts as to whether or not I even want to marry him.  The whole process is just so frustrating and stressful.

 As far as the parents are concerned.  Mine have reacted in a similar way.  They just offer support and tell me to really evaluate this relationship and be sure that marriage is the right thing to do.  I shouldn't worry about the payments that have been made and the money that could be lost if i decide to call it off.  My happiness if worth more than that.

 I'm glad to hear I'm not alone.

 

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Jerseygal8785 Posts : 144 Registered: 12/5/06
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 7, 2007 3:25 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Relax, things will get better as you get used to the schedule.  I have had doubts but then we have a great day or weekend and I know this is who I am meant to be with.  We are in teh process of graduating, finding jobs, moving, buying a house and planning a wedding.  I've learned not talk about wedding planning stuff unless absoluetly necessary and if I need his decision. I also made a timeline and just said relax, right I need to focus on moving and jobs the wedding can wait a little bit! Good Luck!

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 7, 2007 3:29 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I was engaged once before and I can totally empathize with the fighting- me and my ex fought ALL the time after we got engaged (though come to think of it we fought a lot before we got engaged too lol)...though a large part of it with us was that we were not supposed to get married- AT ALL. And thank god we decided that before it was too late (I did lose a little bit of money on the situation but losing $1,000 or so is nothing compared to all the pain etc that would come from a divorce later...).

That said, I think it's normal for couples to bicker a bit after they get engaged- my FH and I haven't gotten to that point yet but I'm sure it'll come...maybe =) but you should really evaluate how your relationship was BEFORE you got engaged...and if you're bickering because you're unhappy/nervous about marrying him or if it's just that you're stressed about all the planning!

As for your parents- parents are like that...my mom was like that with my ex and she liked him enough- I think people just dont want to see their loved ones make a mistake. You might want to sit down and ask them if they have a reason for their concern about your relationship etc because sometimes other people see what you cant. But good luck and most likely it is just stress!!

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 9, 2007 8:48 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

It's completely normal, don't worry about it at all unless things really take a turn for the worse. This sounds like normal stress to me. I read The Conscious Bride recently and that really reassured me. I think it's a bit too psychobabble-y for some people, but there are some reassuring stories in there that debunk the myth of this being 'the happiest time of your life'. I suspect it's after we get married and start to settle into our new life with our partners that we can really relax enough to be deep-down happy.

Good luck and don't worry.

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JodiMarie Posts : 185 Registered: 3/5/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 13, 2007 12:17 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Perfectly normal. My fiance and I didn't fight all time, but there was alot of nervousness. I guess it's the reality that your actually going to do this, your going beyond dating and taking thing to much more serious level. 

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 15, 2007 3:23 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Jamielynn, I totally understand what you’re going though. My FH and I started arguing over little things and ready to yell at the drop of a pin, shortly after we got engaged. I know now that it was stress, I asked, we sat down and had this really long talk. I told him that it couldn’t be natural to be arguing over little things. I was starting to doubt our relationship. Bottom line, we were both stressing about the wedding costs, planning, moving to our new house, work and my college and we had little communication between us. My suggestion is to sit down and talk, I mean spill everything. Your fears and worries, don’t forget to listen to, it is such a relief. And continue the conversations, continue talking, check in during the day to catch up with each other.
           As for your mother, she really should be encouraging the both of you. If she’s not going to do, and you need to confide in someone I suggest that you find in someone else. Hope this helps.


soon to join the clan
Daisypath Ticker

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 18, 2007 11:54 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

It's most likely stress. I know FH and I have our fair share of pointless arguements over the dumbest little things. Here's a few examples: I metions I don't like it when basketball players dunk the ball, I think it's tacky. He says it's a garentee onmaking the shot. So we had a 15 minute arguement about it. And whenI change the subject he brings it up again, just to annoy me. We also argue about the pays are are being called and the fouls and non fouls that are called. Our arguements are not limited to Basketball, Football is another srouce of our arguments. I told him, as much as be both love sports, expecially WVU sports, it's better to watch them in septare rooms in order to avoid argements. Now that we are 3 months away from our wedding, we have been argueing over the shade of red the grooms men should be wearing. Mine you he's red/green color blind!! It took borrowing the two vests taking them to David's Bridal and comparing them to the Apple dress to convince him that the change we made was a good one.

And with the stress of finishing up planning, student teaching and trying to find a job in his area.... ever arguement is because of stress. And him being 6 hours away and al the choices being put on me everyday isn't helping. Thankfully he is coming us this weekend and we are going to see Riverdance together... it's going to be great!!!

As for your parents.... it's normal.  they just want to protect you.  I know his mother is being very protective of her little boy.  My parents don't want to admit that their kids are all grown up.  My sister moved to Raleigh, NC and my brother and I are moving soon too.  


Message was edited by futuremrsperry on Mar 18, 2007 10:54 AM

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LizS Posts : 1,982 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 21, 2007 9:47 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

My husband and I acted the same with eachother before we were engaged, after we were engaged and after we were married.  So, if you are getting more stressed you should BOTH try harder not to take it out on the other person.  Try being more open and honest with your feelings towards eachother.  It really does help!  Has there ben anything to cause you to get stressed?  Are you planning a wedding in 3-4 months?  We planned our wedding in just over a year and had NO STRESS!  It was wonderful for both of us.  And yes, your parents are just looking out for your best intersts.  I do suggest looking into pre-marital counseling.  Either on your own or through your local church.  It helps a lot and you can learn more about eachother.  We did and were together for 6 years before we were married.

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