Waiting for the Ring

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slow fiance

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slow fiance
Posted: Dec 20, 2006 11:24 PM

My fiance and I are well into our planning. We've got the ceremony site reserved, reception site too, we've chosen our attendants (haven't officiakky asked them yet, but they know. Our families know, our best friends know, and we know we're getting married. But here's the problem: We still don't have an engagement ring.

See, we talked about it and decided to just do it. We set the date for next fall and gradually over the next few months casually told a few people and now everyone knows. My FH said he wanted to wait till after we moved to get the ring made. So I waited. He needed to wait for my Dad to give him a family diamond for the engagement ring. Dad gave it to him with his blessing. I waited. Now it's been another two months and our wedding that we've already paid for 1/3 of is only nine months away. I'm getting really, really, really anxious. I don't want to push him or be annoying so I don't say anything. He likes talking about the other wedding details, like our attendants and colors and themes and he's great at being involved in that part.

I'm worried though that his lack of motivation to go get the diamond set is a sign that he's not really taking this seriously, even though I clearly am taking this seriously (my Dad is paying for the majority of it and I've used my personal trust to fund the rest. I'm super committed to this. I'm worried that he might not be even though he says he is and is hurt when I ask. So I'm stuck here waiting. Just waiting.

I really want to have an engagement party and my friends do to. Also our wedding will be a destination wedding for every one of our guests since we just moved to a new city and everyone on the guest list will be coming from out-of-town. So we do need to send out Save-the Date cards and soon.

There are lots of reasons I'd like to actually have the ring, but I start to tell him these things and he gets offended and hurt. I don't want to push him anymore, but how do I get him to act on his words? Any tips for getting him on the ball would be appreciated. Thanks ladies.

 

-Jessica

"Our brighest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks."

 


Message was edited by jcyruby on Dec 20, 2006 11:54 PM

october_2007
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gwtwred Posts : 258 Registered: 7/6/06
Re: slow fiance
Posted: Dec 20, 2006 11:44 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm not sure; you know your fiancee best.  But it just occurs to me, maybe the reason that he's slow to give you the ring is that he's got some big, elaborate plan for how he wants to propose and he feels like by pushing him you're going to ruin that plan.  Is there a date that's particularly meaningful to you that's coming up?  Is that an explanation that would make sense, knowing him?

On a side note, I would go ahead and send out the Save the Dates, with or without the ring.  If he's involved in the other aspects of planning, then it doesn't sound to me like he has cold feet.  And there's no rule that says you have to have a ring in order to plan your wedding.  Give him the time to do it right. 

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Re: slow fiance
Posted: Dec 20, 2006 11:54 PM Go to message in response to: gwtwred

yeah..send them out now? with no ring? The ring is supposed to come first though, right? I feel like people aren't taking us seriously without the ring, like it's a joke or something. People seem so dumbfounded when we introduce each other as fiances and they ask to see my ring and we have to tell them we don't have it yet. They seem to be thinking, "oh well, then you're not really engaged, but you're thinking about it." It's so awkward.

Same with some of our family members. The ones that are closest to us know and respect it and are thrilled for us. But explaining it to people who aren't super close to us gets weird. I get a lot of, "honey don't put any stock in it if he hasn't given you that ring yet. You're not engaged till he does."

It will just feel so much more real to have it on my finger. I'm trying to be patient and let him do it, but he hasn't even taken the stone to have it set. It's sitting in our closet right now. I see it everyday and ache for it be in a ring on my hand.

Alas...I want him to do it right. I know he wants to do it right. It will be awesome, but I'm so anxious.

So, I should send the save-the-dates? ask the attendants? have an engagement party? help? can I really do all this without a ring? It seems off.

Sorry to be so fussy. I do appreciate the help, I'm just over-whelmed.

 

-Jessica

"Our brighest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks."

 


Message was edited by jcyruby on Dec 20, 2006 11:56 PM

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Guest
Re: slow fiance
Posted: Dec 21, 2006 1:30 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hello,

Maybe you should try to plan the engagement party with your fiance without any mention of the ring.  If you two agree on a date for the engagement party, maybe he will feel a little of his own heat to get the ring before the party.

 

My only other idea is that maybe he is waiting for christmas??!!

 

Sorry, that's all I got right now

 

CanadianBride


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Guest
Re: slow fiance
Posted: Dec 21, 2006 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Although my situation is quite different, My Fiance and I have been planning our wedding for 5 months now, and I still do not have a ring.  I do want one, and we are looking.. but the ring isnt the biggest part.  You absolutely can have the engagement party without having your ring,  I know plenty of girls who have done all of the engagement stuff, and then gone and picked out their ring.  Some because of finances, and some because they are just too busy.  So dont worry.. i'm sure he's probably planning something sweet, with a nice proposal!  I know my FH is whenever we decide on a ring!  Be patient!  I know it's hard, but worth it in the end!  :)  Good Luck!
May 24th I marry my Best Friend!!!

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Dreambeliever Posts : 76 Registered: 11/21/06
Re: slow fiance
Posted: Dec 21, 2006 4:08 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well, I agree with most everyone here. When I first read your message, I thought that he might either be planning something or (I don't think this is mentioned yet) he might be completely unsure to the type of setting that you want.  I know that many guys take forever b/c they don't know what the girl wants, but they're too chicken to ask. lol

 Also, you don't need to ring to do anything!  As long as you two have agreed to get married and have set a date, that's it!  If people ask, you can just laugh and tell them that you two are still picking it out!Personal story, my mother, due to money, never received an engagment ring until her and my dad had been married for 10 years! lol

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Guest
Re: slow fiance
Posted: Jan 29, 2007 4:29 AM Go to message in response to: Dreambeliever

I just thought I would update this forum. We have now gone to select the setting, and taken the stone to be set, and had the ring  made. It's all done. Now he has it and has told me he wants to surprise me and plan something cool. He wants to propose and make it really special, so now  I'm just trying to not think about it too much, although surfing these forums probably isn't the best way to do that. :) That's all for now. Thanks ladies!

 

-Jessica

"Our brighest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks."

 

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Guest
Re: slow fiance
Posted: Feb 1, 2007 8:39 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

congratulations on getting the ring made!! I still can't imagine how hard it must be for you to be waiting for it. I had no idea when it was coming, as it was really unexpected and more early than I thought he would be ready to get engaged. But at least you know that he cares enough about this engagement and marraige to propose in a memorable way that will be special for the two of you. Let us know how it happens. I'm so anxious to hear!!!

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Re: slow fiance
Posted: Feb 18, 2007 5:08 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

We're engaged! on Valentine's Day we went down to the strip and after an extravagant evening of drinking and eating in style we walked around to the front of the Bellagio to watch the dancing water and light show. Frank Sinatra's "In Other Words" was playing all around us and while I was enjoying the music Nick knew the moment was right. After carrying the box around with him all night he dropped to one knee, i turned to face him and he presented a gorgeousring to me. We both had to catch our breath before he asked, "will you marry me?" My eyes welled up with tears of joy as I whispered, "yes," then I said it louder, then I shouted it and jumped into his arms! He slipped the ring on my finger and we kissed. People around us clapped and wished us congratualtions! Another couple took our picture and promised to send it to us! it was perfect! How wonderful! It was definitely worth the wait!

 

-Jessica

"Our brighest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks."

 

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Guest
Re: slow fiance
Posted: Feb 19, 2007 10:03 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Congratulations!!!!!!!

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