Vent about not inviting grandmother!

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H4M Posts : 49 Registered: 3/30/06
Vent about not inviting grandmother!
Posted: Dec 11, 2006 7:29 PM

Hi ladies! Its been awhile since my last post but I really need a little vent!

Here's the deal... When we first started planning our wedding FH and I really wanted a DW to one of the island out in the Great Barrier Reef of Queensland, Australia ( I am an Aussie FYI) It was the type of wedding that suited us the most! However we realised that this would mean that our grandparents might not be able to make it. Our families are very close and very important to us so we changed our plans to have a home town wedding...

Fast forward to the past weekend when FH mother mentions that we should not send an invite to his grandmother (who lives in a home 4 hours away) so that she will not want to come. I was shocked! She does require care, but not a great deal and to lie to her so that she will not be hurt is insulting! FH aunt who live close to her has offered to take care of her for the weekend, she only require someone to take her home from the wedding early, help her into bed and out of it in the morning! At my FSIL's wedding her husbands grandfather was in a wheelchair and required help to dress and eat and yet his family still helped him to attend.

I am so upset by this! I told FMIL that I was definalty going to sent an invite and would do all that I could to ensure that she could attend. FMIL just shrugged!

Weddings are about family and I am just so offended that FMIL would not want FH's grandmother to attend (not her mother FFIL's mother)

Sorry just had to get it our! Grr weddings bring out the worst in people LOL!

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Vent about not inviting grandmother!
Posted: Dec 11, 2006 7:46 PM Go to message in response to: H4M

I'm not sure if I understand.  FMIL is the one who does not want to send an invitation to her mother?  (Or MIL, I suppose.)  Is your FH very close to this grandmother?  Are you?  Did FMIL and the grandmother have a falling out or is it just that she is old and frail?  I just wonder if FMIL is trying to spare her from feeling obligated to make the trip.  If she does require any unusual care then it is hard on others but also hard on her and I bet if she got an invitation to her grandson's wedding she would feel like she had to go (and probably wants to go) but the trip may be too much for her.  By not sending her an invitation you are giving her an easy out.  It's still strange to not even send her an invitation so talk to your FH and FMIL to make sure you get the whole story, I am just trying to come up with an explanation for why she would not want to invte FH's grandmother and that is the best I can come up with!

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Guest
Re: Vent about not inviting grandmother!
Posted: Dec 11, 2006 7:49 PM Go to message in response to: H4M

That sounds awful, especially since you changed your plans to be with family! Does your FMIL not get along with her? That is no excuse not to invite her, but maybe that would explain why she was acting like this. Sounds like you have it all together though and if you already have a family member that agreed to take care of her, really FMIL's opinion has nothing to do with it. Is your place wheelchair accessible? I agree, sometimes wedding make people just nasty! and that is not what it is all about!!

 

Good Luck and sounds like you have it figured out. 

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Guest
Re: Vent about not inviting grandmother!
Posted: Dec 11, 2006 7:51 PM Go to message in response to: newsjunkie

Good point news. I didn't even think about that. You should check with you FMIL and find out the reasoning.

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mrslilysolovely Posts : 2,130 Registered: 7/24/06
Re: Vent about not inviting grandmother!
Posted: Dec 12, 2006 4:13 PM Go to message in response to: H4M

Sound like FMIL has MIL issues - and she is continuing the cycle - why oh WHY do these women get so wierd - God please help me not to become one of them (if I ever decide to have kids).

 

Some crappy people just don't want to be bothered, I suppose...I would ask her "how would you feel if you were the one in the home??? It's not so far away you know"....lol JK - I would pay to see the look on her face though - hahaha!


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H4M Posts : 49 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Vent about not inviting grandmother!
Posted: Dec 12, 2006 5:17 PM Go to message in response to: mrslilysolovely

No my FMIL has no issues with her MIL, it is simply the fact that she is elderly and requires a little care. This same issue came up when my FSIL got married - I didn't learn about this until today when I was discussing it with FH. My FSIL invited her anyway but unfortuantly her grandmother was not well enough to make the trip and was very upset. Hearing that I have decided to invite her regardless, like I said one of FH's aunts said that she will look after her and if not one of my own aunts (who is a nurse) has offered. I feel a lot better about it all know! FMIL will get over it, it really won't affect her! I am upset by her actions but so grateful that I still have some family who are will to help!
Thanks ladies for letting me share!

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