Engagement to Elopment

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PlatinumStar Posts : 24 Registered: 9/24/06
Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Sep 24, 2006 3:58 PM

i have been engaged for a little over a year now and ever since it happened weve encountered nothing but turmoil. our families really dont care about us getting married and we are paying for all this ourselves which his folks wont take into consideration and are asking for outrageous things like having his younger brothers gf be in my bridal party as well as inviting people we dont know and not even offering to pay for them. my mother has shown no interest in helping me plan even after i took her to see my gown. we are torn between just waiting to save up for the wedding and just going on vaca on some nice island just to come back married. thing is i just always wanted my dad to be there. im just very confused.........

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Guest
Re: Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Sep 25, 2006 11:00 AM Go to message in response to: PlatinumStar

That's s tuff one! I understand where your coming from. Eloping would eliminate soooo many headaches but on the other hand, having at least the immediate family there would be great! I have tossed around eloping, that is after we get engaged, just so that we will not have to try to make everyone else happy; after all, it is YOUR wedding. I feel that I would regret it if we eloped so I'm going to try to plan for our immediate family to attend. It is ultimately you and your fh's decision so whatever you two are comfortable with is what you've got to go with. best of luck and just worry about what you want....everyone else will have to just be happy for you!

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PlatinumStar Posts : 24 Registered: 9/24/06
Re: Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Oct 4, 2006 12:24 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

sunday we went to a venue to look at for an engagment party we got a great deal since my FH found out he knew the owner and we set a date ---my mom is telling me not to have a wedding and to just go get married - we havent even told his family yet -we figured we want a real wedding with family but it seems like no family wants to be involved...

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Guest
Re: Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Oct 5, 2006 9:31 AM Go to message in response to: PlatinumStar

That is so sad that family does not want to be involved....a wedding is supposed to be a time to celebrate for both of your families...I couldn't imagine no one being interested. I am very sorry you are having to go through this. I would have to agree with your mom and say just get married and not worry about the family. You can have the engagement party and have all of your friends and family there then just get married whenever and where ever you want. I wouldn't suggest no wedding, especially if neither of you have been married before, but have maybe a destination wedding so that you will get to have your wedding. I've thought long and hard about not having a wedding, just so I wouldn't have to deal with all the complaining and crap that the family will do, but since neither of us have been married, I would feel like I was cheated out of a wedding. As much as it sucks, I wouldn't spend the time, money, and efforts to put on a big wedding if no one else wants to be involved. I think I would end up hurt more if I went through all that work then nobody showed up. (Hence the reason I don't want a big wedding-I've been let down too many times and do not want to be let down on my WEDDING DAY!) That is great that you found a venue for an engagement party, and got a great deal, and I hope the party is everything you dream it will be! Be strong and know that you and your FH will be happy no matter how much interest either of your families show. Best Wishes!

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serendipity3033 Posts : 363 Registered: 5/11/06
Re: Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Oct 13, 2006 11:45 PM Go to message in response to: PlatinumStar

We are planning an elopement of sorts... FH is in love with Hawaii, so we are going to fly out there to get married by like a justice of the peace or something.  We are still dressing up in the gown/tux, and he has three friends who will be my bridesmaids out there.  I want a photographer just for like an hour so that I have pix, but thats about it... no limos, no bands, no stress!!!

 When we get back home, we will take more pix with the immediates and go out to dinner with them.  The reality is this... We refuse to waste down payment money on a four hour party!

So, my point is, I think it is possible to elope and not feel completely cheated out of the wedding experience.  Cool  good luck to you all!

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Guest
Re: Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Oct 19, 2006 4:17 PM Go to message in response to: PlatinumStar

What we did was sit down and make a list of what it would cost to get married at home and invite everybody and there brother. Then we wrote down the cost of a DW in Vegas. We chose the Vegas wedding because we can keep the cost below our budget. AND not go into debt. Plus with the money we save we are going to put the down payment on our dream...a 10 acre lot that we can build our dream home on. A lot better alternative then entertianing alot of people for one day (in our opinion)

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mrslilysolovely Posts : 2,130 Registered: 7/24/06
Re: Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Oct 20, 2006 11:19 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My first wedding was on a bridge over the fountain pond in a office park. I wore a tan pantsuit that my mom bought for me the year before ( I had my dress, did not get to wear it) and my mom, dad and grandmother were there - my mom's friend married us ( brother did not make it). Ex wore blue jeans. Needless to say, (but I will say it anyway) this what not what I had ever imagined to be my special day. I made the choice and I lived with it.

 This time is a whole nother story (that's correct grammer here in the south - LOL). This time I really want to share it with my friends - interest in the wedding ebbs and flows as the months go by, that's why I talk to y'all about wedding stuff, but I think that as the date gets nearer, interest will start flowing...

 

Your biggest problem, as I see it, are your FILs. FH needs to sit down and explain in no uncertain terms, that this wedding cannot be molded to fit their needs. Their agenda does not match your agenda and making consessions is not within y'all's budget. Period.

 

This will make it clear that if they are so very compelled to have these strangers there  - it is their responsibility to pay for them to attend. Bet they won't be so all fired up to invite them anymore. You should definitely stay out of that conversation though - it's between him and his folks, and could backfire when involving anyone else.

FH and I almost bought a home this year, but we lived there first and there was soooo much to do to maintain this 4 bedroom home - we moved out and decided we did not want to tie ourselves to a place right now - we are planning a lot of travel and we figured that we had no idea where we would end up wanting to live ( we are not having children and will be able to move without worrying about uprooting anyone not choosing to go). I got a new, higher paying job and he got a raise, so we are able to put something lovely together and we can all enjoy it together.


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Guest
Re: Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Oct 24, 2006 11:05 PM Go to message in response to: PlatinumStar

I am going through the same thing.  My FH and I can not decide which to go with, small wedding in Vegas or big wedding at home.  He had the big wedding the first time around and is not too keen on doing it again- seems he would rather have a small wedding and a big honneymoon.  I had a tiny wedding the first time around- which was what I wanted at the time, but I would kind of like to celebrate big time this time.  I love my FH and want to shout it from the roof tops!  However, it does seem like it would be so much cheaper to go with the small Vegas wedding. 

I can understand your desire to have your family there, so why don't you talk to them and tell them what you are considering.  Maybe they will be a little more understanding if they realize that they may miss out on such an important event.

Do what makes the two of you the happiest!  Good luck!

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Guest
Re: Engagement to Elopment
Posted: Nov 5, 2006 10:29 AM Go to message in response to: PlatinumStar

 

Have a ceremony.  Invite your parents and anyone else you feel like.  Then take anyone who comes to the ceremony to dinner.  Have a fabulous honeymoon.  

 

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