Okay, I realize that this may come across as whiny, but having said that, I shall explain my situation.
First of all, I'm jewish. I've always been jewish. My mother raised me as a Jew. She converted to Judaism but I have always known her a Jew. My father gave my mother the family diamond from his father. they were married for 17 years, then he left her, and now she is remarried (and now she converted back to Christianity only because her new husband refused to be with her unless she did - whatever, her perrogative).
She kept the diamond since my dad was the one who left her, of course. Now I am in the process of getting engaged. She has offered the diamond to me and my future husband, only on the condition that we meet with a pastor to discuss Jesus in our marriage. I'm not against Jesus, but I'm Jewish so honestly he's probably not going to be a big part of my life anyway. I told my dad this, and he offered me the other matching diamond (yes there's a matching diamond that he has and wears as his earring, this diamond was the cause of many arguments between my parents, my mom felt that him wearring a diamond equal to the one on her finger was disrespectful, and that he should adorn her with things that are better than what he has for himself. My father was always a bit self-absorbed and there were other incidents like this one so I see where she was coming from.).
My mother has said that if I don't take her diamond (on her terms) that she will pawn it. Now, I know this is where it may start to sound like I'm a big brat, but try to hear me out. Here's the way I see it (and I have had some agreement on this so far, but need a larger group's denial or confirmation) She is going to pawn it if I don't do this her way. that is a fmaily diamond, and it belongs in the family from which it came. Now, not to be harsh, but she isn't really a part of my dad's side of the family anymore, nor is my dad part of her side. So that diamond should then go to me since I am still a part of that family. It should definitely not be pawned.
So what do we do? Do we go see her pastor and endure his pushing, or do I take the diamond from my dad and use that one for my engagement ring? That seems like the easy answer, but it kills me that if I don't take it she would actually pawn that diamond after it has been in our family for generations. And I'm afraid now that I'll resent her for not being more supportive, no matter which diamond i get or if i don't have one at all. I have this feeling or thought in the back of my head just telling me that any thing I look at on my hand now will just remind me what a pain it was to get, instead of reminding me of the endless love my H2B share. So, do we just get something smaller and maybe simpler for now? Can we just do wedding bands? I'm not sure what to do, I just have so many people and things to consider and weird circumstances too. Anyway, I'll just see what you ladies think. thanks for the input! :)
"Our brighest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks."
You can absolutely just do wedding bands if you chose. I personally would not want a ring from a broken marriage, I consider it to be unlucky for the future marriage (hence why I didn't wear my mother's e-ring or w-ring). If you want something from in the family I would suggest taking the diamond from your father. It has no "bad luck" attached to it as it was never worn as something to represent their marriage. If your mother does pawn her ring and you really want it back maybe you can find out where she took it and buy it back. I highly doubt she will pawn it if she has held onto it all these years though. Plus, with your father's diamond, you will have an opportunity to choose your ring setting and style which may make you happier. Also, if you let her push you around on this one thing (which she must know is violating your beliefs since for the better part of your life she had those same beliefs) she may feel that she can push you around on other things as well. It's really a personal decision but if I was in your shoes I would take the diamond from your father and let your mother throw her hissy fit. Plus, do you really want a ring from a marriage that led to divorce?
I have never, nor would I ever take or receive anything from anybody that has conditions and restrictions on it, including a family diamond. If your mother is so childish that the only way she would give you a family diamond is if you see a pastor from a church you dont participate in, and would threaton to pawn it, I personaly would wipe my hands off and purchase a new one and start a new family diamond. Then remind my mother what the word FAMILY truly means.
Stick to your values and beliefs. Just because your mom has gone back to Christianity does not mean you should too. That was her decision and not yours. Stick to your beliefs!!!
I think taking your father's diamond is an excellent idea. How do you know when you buy a diamond if it from a broken marriage or not? Many diamonds you buy in a jewelry store have been owned before. You will never truly know the history behind each diamond. Forget your mom and take your dad up on the offer. It is very generous of him to offer it to you.
I think your mom is the more childish, selfish and self-absorbed person here. Who actually thinks they DESERVE more than someone else? That to me is the most self-absorbed thing ever!
Where do I begin???? First, Id say take your dad's diamond or buy a new one.
Second... Ive dealt with this kind of situation before. Honey, youve got nooooo guarantee that if you were to meet with her pastor, she'd just fork over the diamond... theres likely to be another hoop for you to jump through, and then another... As for pawining it... ?maybe, I dont know her. But so long as she has the ring, she has power, right?
And your mom raised you as a Jew!!!! Arent you already following the religion she wanted for you?
Posted: Oct 25, 2006 7:36 PMGo to messagein response to: serendipity3033
I'd say find your own engagement ring, then see about having your dad's diamond re-set for either your husband (a tie pin or something, if he'd wear it) or as an anniversary piece for you. Your mom is out of line. And I'm sorry but, you don't ever get to say that your husband should adorn you with things that are nicer than he has himself! He doesn't sound like the self-absorbed one, she does! Furthermore, as a Christian myself, Jesus does not ask us to coerce, blackmail or otherwise pressure people into believing in Him. Belief is an individual thing. If you ever do convert (and I am not saying that you will or should) it will be because you found Christ FOR YOURSELF! Anything else is false and unworthy of the title Christian. Sorry, I just really dislike it when people give Christianity a bad rep by being so forceful and self-righteous about it. Anyway, I really hope that you will be able to start your own tradition. Does your FH have any pieces that his family has passed down? If not, start with a fresh slate!