Jealousy

Online Users: 1,253 guest(s), 2 user(s). Replies: 9

BlushingBride03 Posts : 220 Registered: 7/15/06
Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 2:15 AM

My FH is more 'experienced' than i am, as in he's been with quite a few more people than i have. 

This didn't bother me at first, but i've been thinking a lot about it lately and it makes me sad... i get upset thinking about the ex that was the 'love of his life' apparantly (that his youngest sister slipped out once)

or the hookup that was one of his friends, who we still run into sometimes, and knowing she had serious feelings for him

or the fact he did things that i dont agree with and even disgust me, like when he told me he had a threesome once Yell

 

i am not the type to get jealous if girls talk to him when we're out or something but lately his past has just been GETTING TO ME. I get so sad when i thnk about it and try to think about something else but it is hard to do. I've talked about it with him several times and there's nothing he can really say except 'im sorry, i'd take it back if i could.' and i know theres nothing he can do, and the past is the past. At the same time i wish things were different.

 

sorry this is so long. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Did it go away eventually?  

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AlyxisPaige Posts : 189 Registered: 4/18/06
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 8:44 AM Go to message in response to: BlushingBride03

I understand your point sweetheart. First of all hugs and I hope that make you feel better somehow.

.

But you're right. Past is Past. My FH saw all the letter and notes I kept from my ex-bf whom we were to be married and engagged. I forgot I had them. He tears all of them apart and literrally feed some of them to my dogs (I don't know if this call animal crual or not....lol) and used the rest for BBQ later on that day. His ex-fiance' called him one night at 2 AM in the morning saying that he's making a mistake getting married with a "CHINESE GIRL". First off...I'm Thai and we're totally different. She says that she loves him and want to get back with him and he's making the mistake of his life. Of course he blew her off --- she cheated on him so many time.

.

I did ask him all the stuff he'd done. C'mon ... I'm curious. He had A--- sex before and that totally weird to me and make me feel sick. Of course I'm jealous. Sometimes I feel like since I don't allow him to have that with me (and yes ... he wanted to try with me---no way! and he respect that so we're good), I'm not fullfilling his need in the sexual way.

.

We're both not each other's first. He's my second and I'm his third. But as far as  relationship wise, he's been with so many girl while I've only been with 3, and one of that lasted 3 days. You can be jealous. But try to look it my way.

.

I take it to the point that when he smilingly introduce me to his ex'es or friend, he loves me and proud to be with me. When he talks about his past, especially stuff I know or think I might not agree or I'll hate it, he trust me and he want me to accept him as who he truly is, was and will be. You don't have to do everything he'd done with other women, and if you have some special need, let's say....bondage? and he's not into it---he doesn't have to do it with you. It's all about respecting each other and that's what get my FH and I through a lot of stuff.

.

My ex-bf was "the love of my life" at the time. And then everybody grow up--things change. Now he's not--just a friend and, occasionally, ass hole that I'd love to kill. Now my FH is the love of my life. The time you're engagged and dating is the  time you find out about the past and that let you know the possibility of what the future might look like. Some of the past you can't accept, some of it you can. But I'm sure there are something in the past of you he may or may not agree on. This is why compromising play such a big part in the relationship.

 .

If you need someone to talk --- PM me or just leave a msg back. He loves you--- other wise that ring on your left hand with be on other girl hand. Trust me, a man thinks hard before he's leaving his fun as a bachalor. He trust you completely that you love him, that's why he's sharing all this with you. All you need to do is open up.

.

If it still bothering you---ask yourself why. Is it that you're jealous that those girl are going to take your place? Or just the fact that he had threesome, you don't care about other girl? Talk to him. If it is that you're scare other girl will take your place, tell him that. But you might hurt his feeling, at least when I do that to my FH, he says it hurts him that I still don't believe that he loves me.

.

You know yourself and your FH best. Noone else does.


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Guest
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 9:56 AM Go to message in response to: BlushingBride03

Those other girls and "experiences" are apart of his past.  YOU are his future and that's what's most important.  Right?  I know it can make you feel sick to think about it, but just remember how much he loves you.  He'll do anything for you and those other girls don't matter to him like you do.  He wants you to be his wife!

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Guest
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 12:00 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

When I read your thread I told myself "OMG...that is me".  I know EXACTLY how you feel.  My FH and I have both been with one other person before each other.  I thought that would bother me but it didnt...that much.  What REALLY bothered me was some of the stuff that he did (although it was only once).  I am the type to get jealous, I wish I wasnt, but I cant change the way I am.  Anyway, upon hearing some of the things he had done, I became sick.  I wanted to throw up and die, he felt terrible for it.  He told me "Even though I didnt know you at the time, I still wish I would have never done it, it was awkward and I really really wish I would have never done it".  It still bothered me, I tried different 'tactics' to get over it (like thinking about something else, telling myself he loves me very much, blah blah blah).  (Oh, and this is something that I always told myself I would NEVER do)  Well the more and more I thought about it, the more and more I became a little curious.  Long story short, we ended up doing it together and we love it!  More importantly, HE loves it.  And that makes me so very happy.  He didnt like it with his ex, but he loves it with me.  So now it doesnt feel so bad when I think about it.

 

With that being said, I'm saying that you have to do what he did to make yourself feel better.  Just remember that he is with you now and he loves you very very much.  And to be honest, if he is anything like my FH, he doesnt even think about those times anymore.  He is only looking forward to a life with you and so many good times.  Sorry this was so long, but I hope it makes you feel better.

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Guest
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 12:38 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I agree with the other girls... If he didnt love you he would of never asked you to marry him. Dont be sad honey. Your the one who has him, no one else does. So be happy again...

The Future Mrs. Zepeda


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Guest
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 12:49 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think the past is the past and there is no use thinking of "what if" he/she had never done that.  He didn't know you or love you then, and just think that maybe his experiences have in some way shaped the man is now (and maybe he is a better lover for it!).  My FH and I both had sexual partners before each other, and I think I'd probably see red if we "ran into" one of these past ladies, but luckily we've moved far far away so there is no chance of that!  But there is no just use dwelling on it b/c it has no bearing on your current relationship with your FH.  Hope you feel better!

K

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zuzanamaria Posts : 187 Registered: 5/30/06
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 1:01 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am on the other end, my FH has only been with me and I have the past.  Sometimes I wonder if he regrets not being with other people, and merrying his first.  For me what ever I did in the past is the past, and he knows that, doesn't mean he doesn't ask about it, but you can't change it whats done is done.

Susan

 

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BlushingBride03 Posts : 220 Registered: 7/15/06
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 1:08 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i think that's what makes it so much worse for me- I've met or at least seen FOUR of his exes, and the one who had feelings for him is one of his sisters best friends, so we see her much more often than i'd like!! 

 

when theyre in person it makes it so much more real- when you dont know who they are you can imagine them as ugly as you like.. hahah 

 

of course i know he loves me, and i keep trying to tell myself that although all those other girls all have or did something that i dont, i have the most important thing- the ring.

 

its still upsetting though. 

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BlushingBride03 Posts : 220 Registered: 7/15/06
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 1:09 PM Go to message in response to: AlyxisPaige

and omg alyxis- i wouldve hit the roof if fh's ex called saying she loved him and not to marry me.... youd be seeing me on the news for sure!

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Guest
Re: Jealousy
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 7:37 PM Go to message in response to: BlushingBride03

If you're not normally the jealous type but this is all happening now it may be the wedding that's causing you too think about it. I know it's made me think about some things. Not cold feet but you know just thinking. My FH is my first and he's been with other girls. We don't see his exes so much anymore but we used to. I used to get jealous but I don't anymore so it could  just be something that fades with time. I get self concious sometimes about if I know what I'm doing but then I try to remember that he's not making me feel that way I am.  

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