Age and marriage.

Online Users: 1,308 guest(s), 1 user(s). Replies: 34
Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 6:05 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I too agree with Julie... its really different with each individual.  I am 32 and will be getting married for the first time in September.  I dated someone when I was 23-27 (four years) and thank goodness I didn't marry him!  I know from a personal stand point I changed so much during my twenties.  I have many friends my age that married young and now are working on their second.  However, two of my best friends that are also 32 will have been married 9 and 11 years.  So it does work for some.  If you are younger as some others have already said..... make sure you discuss all of the heavy issues before you take the plunge.  Maybe even consider some premarital counseling.  Its funny I was with a guy for 4 years in my twenties and wasn't "sure"  but I could have told you after 1 month with my FH that he was the one!  No matter what age just be sure and don't rush anything give yourself time to truely know each other!

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lori83 Posts : 1,852 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 6:14 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I was 18 and my husband was 20. Our 23rd wedding anniversary is on September 17th. For us it was the right choice.

 

My daughter is 21, her fiance is 23 and they are getting married November 3rd. It's kinda funny because I think they are young but when I was their age I was married and had a 1 year old! I know they are ready.

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BlushingBride03 Posts : 220 Registered: 7/15/06
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 7:00 PM Go to message in response to: lori83

aw, congrats!

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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 7:33 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I am 22 and my FH is 28.  I'll be four days shy of my 23rd birthday when i get married.

I am constantly amazed by the comments people give me about my age...about how young I am, am I sure I want to be tied down, etc etc etc.  Speaking for myself, I feel I am very mature.  I graduated college early, am finishing my funeral service studies early, and am working on an accelerated MBA.  I constantly feel older than my peers!  In fact, many of the people I work with are shocked to find out I am "only" 22...they assume I am at least 25 or 26.  I personally think age is a number and has nothing to do with love, happiness, or marriage.  (p.s...note I said "marriage" and not "wedding"!)
 

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BlushingBride03 Posts : 220 Registered: 7/15/06
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 7:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i agree- some people give me such crap! 'your way too young' , ' you should live on your own for a while", "get your career going first" "you have your whole life to be married" "date around for a while"

blah blah blah!

 

shutup already! i have considered all this! i know my fiance is the one for me, and i'm not going to go searching for something i already have. WHy should i wait?

 

and why do some people like to rain on my parade, and make me feel like crap when i should be ecstatic? 

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mrsmccanntobe Posts : 95 Registered: 4/8/06
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 8:11 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

YAY IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY YOUNG BRIDE ON THESE BOARDS

I'm 20 (I'll be 21) and he's 25. We've been dating for over a year,not really that long, but we are completely in love. I think our view of love changes over the years but since love is one of those impossible things to define- it is whatever we say it is (pretty much). I'm so excited to be marrying young. My parents are older & i've always wanted to be a young mom so I can stick around longer & see those youngins growing up (hopefullY!!) 

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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 8:41 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well you asked for advice from older brides. I'm 29, and my FH and I have been together since we were 21. Do I qualify?

 

Anyway, I have to say, that based on my own experiences, I don't think it's a good idea to get married very young. I am not tryiing to offend anyone just give my honest opinion. The reason I say that is because you change so much between the ages of around 18 and 25. It's a time of tremendous growth, and there's no way of knowing if you will grow together or apart. You may think you know who you are, only to be surprised later at how much you've changed. You can be a responsible person and not be ready for marriage. It takes a different kind of fortitude than having a job, paying the bills, finishing school. It takes the emotional responsibility to know yourself and your faults and how they impact all of your relationships. You have to go through hard times to see how you'll handle it as a pair.

 

Part of it is also tha I believe people should be together for some time before getting married. I haved loved my FH for 8 years but I think that if we had married three years into it we would probably be divorced.  We've been through a lot together and at many points we had to stop and really make the decision to work towards being ready to get married or to move on. WE took a lot of crap for waiting. But it's worth it because we know now that we've grown together, and not apart. 

 


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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 9:00 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I will have just turned 27 when I get married and I am very glad I waited. I always thought when I was in my late teens/early twenties I was ready, but looking back now I'm so happy it never happened that early. I have several friends who got married in those years of their life and they are still together, but not after having a VERY rough few years. I don't think there is anything wrong with getting married young, you just have to know who you truly are and what you want from life. For some people, that is to get married and have families young. For others, it's to go to college, start a career, do their own thing for awhile and then settle down. To each their own. I don't think you are too young if you are ready to take on the responsibilities. You might pick up a book like "The Hard Questions" It has several different sections concerning married life that you both answer and discuss. My fiance and I did this and really liked it. I wish you the best of luck!

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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 9:21 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think that whether you get married at 20 or 40 you will have "very rough years" in your marriage.  Maturity and honest dedication and commitment get you through the rough times, not age.
 

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gregsbridetobe Posts : 91 Registered: 4/8/06
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:02 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings at all. But "WOW' 20 yrs old. Gees that is so young. I just got married at 33 almost 34 in 2 wks. What does that make me a senior citizen in marriage. Honestly I am glad I waited to this age. At age 20 I had no clue what was going on in the world or with myself or what it was really like to endure a true relationsip of adulthood. I have heard through others talking and read magazines and statistics show that the younger you marry in this day and age the chances of making it through marriage are not good and last a short time.

Though if you feel your ready now go ahead. Best of Luck!!

 

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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:27 PM Go to message in response to: gregsbridetobe

I'm another 20 yr. old bride to be, in about 18 days. I have to agree with Julie that every situation is different. FH and I were best friends for 3 1/2 years before we started dating. He is 5 years older than me, but we both have experienced a lot in life.

 We've been together for almost 2 years, and we got engaged last year on my 19th birthday, but decided to wait a little over a year to get married and live together. Of course like any other couple we have our tiffs, but we make up in a matter of minutes (sometimes hours.) 

I know I'm ready for marriage and I know he is too, I can't wait to be his wife, and spend the rest of my life with him.


August 12th, 2006 I will be come Mrs. Robert Kaplan

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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 1:21 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm 22...FH is 26...I was 17 when we got together, he was 21.  Just yesterday(July 25th)we've been together for 5 years...His parents just celebrated their 30th anniversary, and they were about the same ages as us....That and what century is this now?

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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 2:22 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

This is an interesting topic.  It's kinda funny - back in high school, and for my first year of college, I was absolutely smitten with my then boyfriend of 4 years.  I do recall considering myself to be quite mature at my ripe old age of 19-20.  I was, for my age.  Thankfully, I broke the relationship off, simply because college was an eye opener for me.  I wanted to concentrate on school, grad school, and enjoy my 20s.  Right around when I turned 21, I started dating my current FH (having dated quite a few guys inbetween, and having a grand old time), and here we are, 6 and a half years later.

I'm 27 now, and looking back, I feel that life has done a lot of molding to my current self over the last years.  Priorities have changes, my tastes have changed, and I feel I am much more deliberate and forward thinking now, as opposed to what I was at 20.  At 20 I wanted kids, a house, a dog, a wonderful career, and a husband just like me.   At 27 I still want the house, dog, maybe the kids, my career - and my FH to be complementary to me, yet his own self.  I'm glad I took the time to date all sorts of guys, cause I learned what traits I could live with, what I could fall in love with, and what I couldn't tolerate.  My boyfriend from high school was wonderful, back then - right now, I think I would have killed him if I was still with him.  He was just like me - and I ended up falling in love with a guy who can balance me out.  I don't think many young people look for a partner who brings balance to the relationship - they often are attracted to the ones who have similar personalities as themselves, and a lot of those end up as crash and burn relationships.

Again, just my experiences after honestly reflecting on my late teen years.  I do feel that no matter what age you are, it's probably for the best to honestly evaluate how you see your relationship faring in the long run if you are headed for marriage.  I just think that older people have a lot of their own personal experiences and memories on which they can draw on, whereas young people don't have that benefit, and tend to use gut feelings instead.  I can't say that my priorities and tastes won't change in the future, but I do know that if/when they do, my FH will be a constant in my life.
Jamie and Bill
Daisypath Ticker

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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 3:49 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm so glad to be a "young married"! I never dreamed this would be a part of my life, until I met DH! I am the independent type and getting married young, let alone getting married at all, was never part of the plan of my life. Then again, at 18 my plan was to become a script writer. Now, one minor identity crisis later, I am a nurse and a young wife. I love it and I never compromised who I am. I grew a lot with my hubby and he's always accepted who I am, even when I change. I think maturity has to do with things beyond age and experience. I don't necessarily have a ton of "experience" but I do have the ability to critically think about situations from many viewpoints, as well as the flexibility to roll with the punches. Nobody who knows me has said anything about me being too young to be married (I'm 22, if you need to know), although a few strangers have. I know that I married the right person and the right time, and that's what matters more than age, maturity, or anything else!

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Guest
Re: Age and marriage.
Posted: Jul 26, 2006 5:22 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I’ve been doing some thinking about this topic after posting this thread and reading everyone’s responses.

 

First of all, I’ve been thinking about my parents who are divorced. They were married in their late 20s and 30s. They are such polar opposites now that I can’t even imagine that they were ever compatible. I know a lot of other couples who have grown apart later in life as well. It seems like most people have been divorced now. This got me thinking that people are always changing and no one can ever predict the future. All you can is what’s in your heart and hope to grow in a way that compliments each other while supporting each other to be individuals.

 

Jamie, I know what you are saying about balance. Achieving balance has been an important thing for me most of my life. And I have to say that at 15 when my boyfriend and I got together we were very similar. We were into the same music, writing, books, etc. Now, however, five and a half years later we are both very different from how we were then and very different from each other. I’m more aggressive while he is more passive. I’m more logical while he is an artist. We have different spiritual beliefs and we’re different political parties. However, we understand and respect each other’s difference and they fuel very interesting and insightful conversations. And fundamentally we’re on the same level. We compliment each other in every way. And as much as we have changed over the years we have always done so. He supports me in every way although we are going in different directions and I feel that I can balance being an individual and part of a team.

 

Also, I went to college and was with him the entire time although he did not go to school with me. I never had a desire to be with anyone else and I still don’t. I know some people need time to date and enjoy life, but I just don’t feel that way. I am still figuring out who I am as I start my life in the real world, however, I feel like we can take this journey together. By the time we get married we will have been together almost seven years.

 

I’m glad for this discussion and everyone’s responses because it has only reinforced that I am ready to make this commitment to my FH. 

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