My future mother-in-law doesnt support the engagement.

Online Users: 1,238 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 19
Guest
Re: My future mother-in-law doesnt support the engagement.
Posted: Jun 29, 2006 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

No. she has never said why. But, since the first time I met her 5 yrs ago she has been rude to me and very condecending. I have a 6 yrs old daughter from a prev. relationship, my fh has been helping me raise her since she was a baby. My fmil has four boys all grown and she will always make comments about how I only have one child and try being a single mother of 4 boys, etc. any time I have spoken with her about something that made me happy she has a better story, if something upset me she has a worse story, etc. Everything always has to be about her and what she is doing. She will never and has never had a conversation with me in 5 years that revolved aboout anything other than her. I have al;ways been nice, never said anything bad. I don't know why she is being so mean to me and trying to turn people aganst me. But it is really becoming a problem. I don't think that anyone will ever be good enough for him in her eyes. But, also my fh's brother just got out of prision a week ago and his girlfriend was not invited to my wedding. Partly becouse I have never liked her since high school and part because my fh thinks she is not normal. I mean she trcked his brother down in prison and started dating him. They were not together when he went into prison 3 yrs ago. So now basically my fmil has another thing to complain about and she has said many times that I should put my differences aside but, I don't think I should have to since it is my wedding and now 2 of his brothers won't come to the wedding and my fh told his mother not to come because he is tired of the way she treats me.

Reply
Guest
Re: My future mother-in-law doesnt support the engagement.
Posted: Jun 29, 2006 1:45 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hmmm...O.K., well as to her general rudeness to you and her being condescending, there's not much you can do except ignore it, be polite, and try to avoid having to spend too much time with her.  Some mothers will never see any woman as good enough for their sons, and, unfortunately, there isn't much yuo can do about it.

As for the brother's girlfriend that is a more delicate issue.  How long have they been dating?  Do they live together now that he is out of prison?  Generally, as a matter of etiquette, long term significant others and live-in significant others should be invited.  If they've just been dating for a few weeks and don't live together, I think she doesn't need to be invited, however, you may want to do so to keep the peace.  (In other words, is this really a hill you want to die on and cause so much tension in the family over).  If they have been dating for months or years and/or if they live together, I think she should probably be invited, regardless of whether or not you like her.  Unfortunately, some wedding guests come as a package with a significant other we don't particularly like, but we just have to suck it up and invite them.  FH and I have a situation like that with one of our friends' girlfriends.  We wish we didn't have to invite her, but she is living with him and they have been dating a couple of years, so it would come off as a major insult if we didn't invite her.

Reply
Guest
Re: My future mother-in-law doesnt support the engagement.
Posted: Jun 29, 2006 1:51 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i agree with scarlett, except about the girlfriend. you are under no obligation to invite a woman who means nothing to you and your Fh to keep the peace.

you have been polite and kind, and you shouldn't have to put up with this BS from his family. kudos to your fiance for sticking with you.

Emily and Jon

Reply
Guest
Re: My future mother-in-law doesnt support the engagement.
Posted: Jun 29, 2006 2:23 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

No his girlfriend started writing him letters when he was in jail about 3 months ago, they were aquaintences quite a few years back, he just was released from prison on june 19th and he is staying at his mothers house. And the rsvps were supposed to be back by June 20th, he never even sent his, but I put in an order for his food at the hall anyway, his invatation which was sent while he was in prison was sent to his mothers house at her request and she took it upon herself to give the invatation to his girlfriend. So I do not think that I should have to include her. But it is basically too late for that now anyway since they all are not coming. I am just dreading having to be somewhat related to them for the rest of my life. But, apparently they have always been this was according to my FH and what I have seen in the past 5 years. It just hurts. I wish I could have a mil that would be supportive, getting married you are supposed to gain more family, not enemies you know. And I have tried sooooo hard to be nice to this woman, but like my FH says if you don't kiss her a$$ all the time then she would rather not have anything to ddo with you. This is all so stressful. Thanks for the help.

Reply
Guest
Re: My future mother-in-law doesnt support the engagement.
Posted: Jul 13, 2006 5:21 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I don't want to seem harsh, but your FMIL is right. You will be "faux" Jewish. You are not converting for God (which is the only reason you ever should), you are converting for a man. You will be raising your children in a religion you do not believe in, and she is probably afraid that it will leak out and become obvious to your children while you raise them. If you believed in, but did not practice Judaism, then she might find tha easier to swallow, but like you said, you are doing it for your FH, and she knows that is wrong. Would it really be so hard to raise them as Jewish, like thier father, and still practice your own religion? People do it every day. The difficulties that come with that are minimal when compared to basically lying in a house of God simply because you are in love and accomodating. And if he loves you enough to marry you, he should, and will, understand. Until then, Follow your own advice...Ignore the negativity, and have fun planning your wedding!!
N/A

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine