I would be sooo angry too! It is pretty inept of him to plan a wedding the same time/place as his daughter.
That said, you can't claim the whole weekend for yourself. Otherwise all these other lovely brides getting married this weekend would be infuriated with you! There will be other brides getting married in Hawaii that same weekend as you. Now this is a family member, your dad no less, so it is a bit different and you definitely have something to get upset over. However, I want us all to remember that there is no way to claim your wedding day/week alllll for you and we must all share somehow or another. There will always be someone with the same anniversary, that day for a birthday, maybe even a holiday to share with.
I can't believe this is happening to you. My dad has been married and divorced 3 times. He is taking is new girlfriend to my DW in Florida (I hate this woman and she also is the mother of my dads new baby...yes I am 24 and have a baby brother of 3 months) and my biggest fear is that they are going to get married when they go down there. I have sworn on everything I love that I will never speak to him again! So I am feeling your pain...are our dads going through mid life crises' or what??? Why don't they grow up!!!!
I see what you're saying, Deelightful, but I don't think OP was insinuating that NO ONE else could share her anniversary. (Hopefully none of the brides here think that we're the only ones in the world getting married on our day!) But this is hardly the same situation, and I do feel for her that her dad is so blatantly disregarding her feelings and shifting the focus from her first wedding to his sixth wedding. So no, she shouldn't be throwing a hissy fit about other brides sharing her date (BTW Christine2, what are you thinking getting married on July 8th?? ), but I think she's justified in her unhappiness over her dad's decision.
I'm usually pretty low key about things but I think it's totally ridiculous that your dad is doing that to you. He could get married anytime and I don't know why he would choose THAT weekend. I would at least tell him that you are hurt and ask if he could make some changes to his plans. It's not about just "sharing a date" with someone else. It's more about your own father complicating things.
You are not being a bridezilla. Not even a Bride-gecko in my opinion! Teeheehee.
One thing I'd do, if you haven't already, is not only confirm the rumor directly, but ask him as nicely as possible WHAT sort of ceremony he's planning. If it's #6 for him (and not the 1st for her too) they MAY just want to do something quick and quiet but in a great location with SOME of the family who'll be in town for yours. If that's the case, while I think the timing is audacious, then you may have to sit back and let it go. If however, he hints that they want a bigger affair are trying to make it a double-wedding next to yours... I probably couldnt swallow that and would have to stand up and say there has to be a line between your event and his. Yes, the cost-splitting of certain things may be great but it's enough to logistically plan a destination wedding yourself, let alone plan certain things in tandem with a woman whose personality and tastes YOU barely know. Get more info, and go from there.
i can understand your shock and dissapointment. especially since you "heard it through the grapevine" i am sure you are experiencing a lot of emotions. Simply be reading your post (beacause i don't know you personally) but it sounds like you may be upset about A LOT of other things that have nothing to do with this duel wedding idea. it sounds like you are upset about your father's many divorces and re marriages, maybe about the way he treats marriage in general, perhaps the way he has treated you and/or your mother in the past (as you mentioned he has a history of acting selfish etc.). so i think the first thing you need to do is evaluate what you are REALLY mad about.
I mean, our family piggybacks events ALL the time!! my baby cousin was Christened on the eve of her Uncle's wedding. we have duel B day party's constantly, and i'll never forget the 21st birthday party they threw for me right before my grandfather's viewing (talk about bad timing!!! LOOOONNNGGG story). I know i would be happy if my folks or an aunt or uncle or cousin wanted to share the same anniversary/wedding week with me. but then again, sharing that sort of event would only increase my happiness and excitement about my marriage in general. But then again, my family is very close, and we not only love, but genuinely LIKE eachother very much. So it just sounds to me like there are a lot of other issues you need to address with your father and him springing this on you was just a culimanation of possibly poor past behavior on his part.
My advise is determine what you are really mad about. if you attack him about the whole "6th marriage on my day" thing I dont think you are going to get the result you need or want. i think you may turn out looking like the "bad guy" and by reading your responses I don't think that is the case. I think you are just a daughter who may have been hurt by her father's careless attitude in the past. I would advise you to cool down, take a look at the WHOLE situation and than address your feelings with your father in totality. good luck.
Well first of all you don't get a 'wedding weekend' you get a 'wedding day', which other people will also share. I agree with those who think you are over reacting a bit and/or mad about your father's past selfish behavior-which is also showing up again. Leopards don't change their spots. Now, I think you can calmly talk to your dad about how you feel hurt, and like he's trying to upstage you, but at the end of the day YOU CAN'T STOP HIM. I think a heart to heart is needed with your dad, but if he does go through with the wedding on 'your weekend' ask that it not be the same day, and above all BE GRACIOUS about it! All that really matters at the end of the day is you have a lovely wedding where you marry your FH.
I actually think the dad is in the wrong here. I am a big advocate of the school of thought that the bride and groom only get one day, but usually that is in circumstances where a sister or cousin wants to get married a week, a month, three months, etc. before the bride's wedding. For any family member--father, brother, sister--to piggyback on a wedding without the couple's o.k. seems wrong to me. It would be like my cousin jumping up in church after our wedding as we are having the recessional and saying, "O.K., now do me and my fiance." It just seems too close, even if it isn't on the exact same day. I think that the father should wait and do his wedding on another weekend. It seems to me like he is trying to take the spotlight away from his own daughter.
I think you have a right to be upset. I am sure you will confirm this rumor and then you will know for sure what you are dealing with like is it one is on Friday and the other is Sat? Will it impact your dad walking you down the aisle if that was in the plans (logistically and emotionally for you), does it impact a potential RD? I think I would be upset if my dad did not talk to me first. Of course no one owns a weekend but that doesn't mean it won't affect you emotionally.
Um I actually disagree with the comment that anyone who says they wouldn't care is lying. I'm very close with my parents and if my mother had died and my father wanted to get remarried to someone who I got along with I would have no problem with it happening the same weekend as my wedding. I love my parents and just want them to be happy, at the same time my parents are not self-centered, selfish people with a history of doing things to get attention. Every situation is different, but I don't think anyone has the right to say if someone else would or would not be ok with the situation. Family dynamics I think plays a large role in how someone would react to this situation.
The fact that this would be his 6th marriage, and to some girl he has known for 1 month, would be more than enough for me to flip out on him.
I'm not fortunate enough to know my natural father, but I do know I would be incredible hurt and insulted if my mother was doing this to me. Upset because I could see it as being done as an attention grabber, and insulted since this would be #6 AND to a person that has been around for less time than some stuff in my freezer.
I hope you manage to get this all straightened out.
Wow ladies, thanks so much for all the great comments... Here's an update.
I called my dad last night, and told him I needed to talk to him. I think he could tell I was upset about something. I asked him flat out if he had plans to get married in Maui the same weekend as my wedding. He hesitated, but then claimed that he had said that, but he was only joking. I don't know if he was joking or not (i think he was just backing out of it because he could tell how upset I was).
One of you mentioned that "family dynamics" has a lot to do with the situation. I totally agree. My dad has a very strong history of wanting to be the center of attention, being very self centered, and always needing a situation to be about him. That being said, that is why I was so upset at the idea of him getting married on the same weekend as me.
I realize that we only get "one day". I don't expect more than that. But, my father's history of thunder stealing really made this situation a very sensitive one. I would not be upset if a friend/sister/mother, or anyone else in my family chose to marry that same weekend. But my father's track record of not taking marriage seriously and needing to be the center of attention makes this a different situation.
Thanks so much ladies for your great advice. It really helps!!