Virgin???

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totobride Posts : 641 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 8:27 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

To answer your question, horselover, I lost my virginity at 12, much to my dismay.  So I didn't get to change my mind.  Afterwards, I was self distructive and slept around.  I have no children, and will wait for them for several years yet.

After I got out of the destructive phase, I again planned on stopping and waiting until marraige.....my FH and I got through three years before we did anything, and I changed my mind because I felt that we were already married, minus the legality.  We live together, we showered together, we did everything else together.  I wanted to share everything with him, and not a day do I regret it.  Hope that helps in any way.


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Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 9:14 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

MistyKing, I'm not a virgin but I am also thinking about lingerie for the honeymoon!  I don't have a lot of nice nightgowns/lingerie and it's so expensive!  Luckily I got a few Victoria's Secret gift cards at my shower, so I'll have to make good use of those.  Do our husbands expect us to have different lingerie for every night of the honeymoon??

Oh, I lost my virginity to FH when I was 21.  We had been dating for three years.  He was my first and I was his second.

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Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 9:32 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

In my opinion - spending money on lingerie is a waste! You wear it for about 2.5 seconds before it gets taken off, lol. Buy one nice outfit you like - but dont worry about buying something for every night of the honeymoon! :) I have a couple outfits that FH likes to see, but seriously I get so annoyed because then he just makes me take them off! I'm like, well why'd you make me put in on anyways if you're not even going to enjoy it! Sheesh :)

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Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 11:07 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I asked FH if he wanted me to get lingerie...his answer, what for!  So, it looks like I'll save money!!!

I do plan on buying maybe one nice piece to make myself feel sexier!!! (so lingerie is now for me instead of him!!!)

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 11:57 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

FH and I were eachotehr's first. We've been together for 7 years and have been committed as though we were married but wanted to have a wedding when we were done with school and had some money. So for both of us, we discussed it and felt that it was not a sin for us. We felt that it was pure and good and have no regrets. I do not wish I waited until the wedding, and I think that each woman's decision deserves to be as admired as the women who decide to wait.Laughing

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 12:13 PM Go to message in response to: RomanticGirl

Growing up, I thought I would wait until marriage because I was brought up in a Christian home, was told that was what I should do, and didn't question it.  Now, I realize that the church waged a smear campaign on sex in the past, and that sex is actually (IMO, btw I am no longer Christian) a natural part of life and nothing to feel ashamed about.  I think sex means different things to different people.  To me, it is very sacred, but I don't judge others who find it just a  part of life, without much emotional baggage....but unfortunately, due to STDs and the like, people who feel this way need to be very careful.  I can also understand why some want to share sex only with one person due to emotional/spiritual reasons, or who want to have that whole wedding night deal, although I'd think if it were me that would be a lot of pressure and not exactly spontaneous, but still very romantic in its own right.  Anyway, this is why I changed my mind as I got older.  Good luck to everyone.

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Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 12:23 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I have so many pretty things that my FH can't tell them apart.  When I asked him to choose the ones he liked he was like they all look the same. For me though the big one was the white one for the first night. I tried it on and i felt so sexy. So maybe they are just for me to get me in the mood. But hey what ever works huh? Wink
Daisypath Ticker"

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Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 2:09 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

My FH and I are still virgins.  We live together, sleep together, etc.. everything except sex.  Our wedding is in another month and a half and I feel as if there is a LOT of pressure from my FH to have sex right now.  I have mixed feelings.. I'm terrified about it hurting (I have problems when I go in for my yearly) and that putting a damper on the honeymoon and we are almost thinking of doing it before we are married so then there will be less pain involved. But honestly I  don't know.. I'm a little confused.. can anyone offer any suggestions? thanks, emily

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Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 2:27 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

If you're gonna feel like you're giving in by having sex before the wedding, I'd probably not do it.  "Doing it so there will be less pain" doesn't sound too romantic to me.  If you've waited this long and if you're taking pride in that, then, my thought is that you may as well go the distance and wait until your wedding night.

That said, I never understand you guys who live and sleep together but don't have sex.  I just figured the "no living together" people were the same as the "no sex" people.  I'm really just rambling.  Sorry.

Message was edited by fritz799 on Jun 8, 2006 2:33 PM

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Guest
Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Emily,  only you can answer this.  Do you want to have sex now?  Don't have sex b/c you feel pressured to.  Talk to him about that in a nonbedroom setting.  Tell him what you are feeling.  It may be best if you decide not to have sex to sleep in separate rooms.  It will ease the feelings of pressure.

As for it hurting, foreplay is the answer.  Explore each other, touch, play, kiss, etc.  And lube.  Try something water based like astroglide (you can get it at Walmart).  And trust me,  you'll want it for the wedding night/ honeymoon if you wait.

Michele and Kyle

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Guest
Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 3:00 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I agree with Michele.  With a slow gentle lover and lots of lube and foreplay there is no reason it should hurt.  

Get a book on human sexuality and do some reading.  It doesn't need to hurt.  Everyone is uncomfortable at the OBGYN, the tools they use don't help and you are probably tensing.  

 

Relax and enjoy yourself on your wedding night.   

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Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 4:03 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

FH & I had been together for 3 years and the time was just right.  We have been completely commited to each other for a very, very long time but marriage wasn't right for a while.  It's hard to put your heart into planning a wedding when your mom is sick & dying from cancer.  It has taken me a few years to get over it too.  He did not pressure me and it was completely my decision.

As far as lingere is concerned...... FH says.  It's beautiful but it is even more beautiful on the floor.   LOL

Emily,
There is a big difference between going to the ob and having sex.  You are tense and nervous and those muscles clamp down during the exam.  I have problems relaxing too and sometimes it does hurt.  Your very first time, you will more then likely feel some discomfort but I wouldn't call it pain.  The most important part is to relax and enjoy the moment.

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AlohaAroha Posts : 686 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 5:40 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

What does age have to do with it?  Well, I wasn't thinking what Fritz though I was thinking because it wouldn't have sparked a 10 page debate.  As for age, well the older you are the more chances you have had!

As for the reasons for staying a virgin, I believe (according to my faith) that you should be chaste before marriage (which involves more than strict virginity).  I also believe (and this is also according to my faith) that there is a logical, completely obvious, reason for any of Gods laws.

In my DH's and my case chastity made sense because the closer we got physically and emotionally the harder it was to be apart, and we had a really long distance relationship.  Emotionally we could be close over the phone, but we missed simple hugs and being able to reach out and hold each others hands so much it was almost unbearable.  Now that I am married I think that if we had been more physically intimate we wouldn't have been able to stand the separation.  Infinite wisdom aye?

I hope I didn't lecture or impose my faith on anyone else, because I completely believe that everyone should be able to make their own decision, and if it makes you happy than its all good by me...

Emily: I was really worried about pain and it wasn't painful.

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 7:09 PM Go to message in response to: AlohaAroha

Aloha, eventhough you're married now, you might have times for long distance. But don't worry too much, b/c FH and I have done lots of long distance and didn't really find the sex thing to be the big issues, it was still about missing each other's hugs more than anything else. I studied abroad 8 months with nothing but our emotional connection over the phone. He had to leave for three months for training.... I had to leave for 8 more months for a job... The fact that we were in a sexual relationship really didn't come into play. I mean, of course we missed that, but our relationship is first and foremost and always will be based on our emotional connection. Laughing

 

Emily, if you've been waiting for religious reasons, I think everyone has to think about whether they truly believe they are sinning. If you believe that, I absolutely think you should wait until marriage. I was raised catholic but also was clearly taught by my parents that they don't think waiting for the wedding night is the issue, but rather waiting for "the one." A sin is supposed to be something that puts a distance b/w you and God. So for us, we knew that by completing the "mind/body/soul" balance of our relationship through sex, we were doing something sacred and felt comfortable that we were not sinning. I just think this is something you have to know in your heart, and if you don't feel that way, don't do it. I spoke to my mother about it before we lost our virginity to each other (I hate that phrase btw), and she said "do you really think God will be mad at you if you have sex with the man you know you'll marry?" and the question made me laugh. I consider myself very spiritual and pray regularly and just felt deep in my heart that it was the right thing for us. Good luck!


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Guest
Re: Virgin???
Posted: Jun 8, 2006 7:35 PM Go to message in response to: RomanticGirl

OMG, I hate that phrase too.  It gives the impression you weren't a willing partner or were too young to get what you were doing.  Or even that the experience was bad.  Bleccch.  I mean, if you're a virgin on your wedding night, even, are you losing your virginity or giving it to your husband?  I hope it's the latter.

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