When I originally made my budget, I divied it up evenly: my fh and I would contribute $10K, my parents would put in $10K, and fh's parents would put in $10K. I asked my parents right away if they were okay with this set up and they said yes. My fh put off asking his parents for about two weeks and today, we got an engagement gift of $1,000 from his parents. I feel like this was their way of saying, this is all we're going to give you. They're great people, and I'm lucky to have such terrific future in-laws, but they're also very traditional in their thinking that the bride's parents should foot 100% of the bill. Plus, they have two daughters of their own, just like my parents, and I'm sure they're going to pay for both of their daughters' weddings when they get married.
So my question is, since they've given us this gift, should we rework our budget and not ask them to contribute more, or is it fair to still ask them for a contribution of $9,000? They have a big family and they're expecting to invite about 100 people of our 175-person party, but if they don't contribute more, we have to cut their portion of the guest list. I'd really rather it didn't come down to that, because I know they want everyone there, but we can only afford to have about 125 people at the wedding if they're not putting more than $1,000 in.
I really appreciate your opinions on what we should do. Thanks so much for your suggestions.
Posted: Jun 3, 2006 10:43 PMGo to messagein response to: mereditor
I would sit down with them and FH (make sure he is the one doing a lot of the talking, since it is HIS parents, and he was the one who put it off!) and explain what you originally had planned with the budget. I would not even mention the engagement check (that was a congratulations gift, not a 'contibution'). Make sure they know all the details and guest info you are planning...maybe even bring the wedding planner book, if you have one yet.
I agree, talk to them ASAP. And make your FH do the talking so they don't get mad at you or think your parents are cheap or something. Explain that you had made up a budget but FH put off ask them. You could kind of give them a choice, pay up or cut your guest list, and if it does come down to cutting the list make them pick who doesn't get to come.
Thanks, ladies. After all that freaking out, my fh's mom sat him down later on that day and OFFERED him $10K (on top of the grand they gave us as an engagement gift) without us having to ask. We're still shocked that it was the exact amount we were going to ask them for. She explained that that's all they can give, but that's how much they'd like to contribute. And that is more than fine with me. Phew. I'm sure there will be other issues, but at least that one had a happy ending. I really appreciate the advice, though.