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I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??

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BB84 Posts : 389 Registered: 3/31/06
I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 12:33 PM

Usually, my FH does pretty well, but sometimes  he can be SO irresponsible.  For example, we have an account at a video rental store under my name and credit card.  Well, sometimes when we rent he takes one movie home with him...and then a few weeks later the place is calling me telling me that I am going to be charged for it because it is overdue!  Then I have to pull teeth to get it taken back.  Today I noticed that they charged my freakin' card for some movie we rented weeks ago!  I think this is SOOO disrespectful, and I get really pissed because I feel like if I don't do it, or nag constantly it won't get done!  He thinks I am being ridiculous....ie, its just a movie, chill out, but it makes me livid.  What do you guys think, honestly?  Thanks.

kentucky , june_2008
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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 12:37 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

I don't think you're being unreasonable - everyone has their own buttons that they just don't want pushed - and not returning videos that results in a charge to YOUR credit card is just one of your buttons!  One of my buttons is the fact that FH can't seem to recognize a dirty dishwasher from a clean one.... man it realllllllllllly sets me off when i see glasses piled in the sink next to an empty dishwasher!!! Anyways, I digress... I say you pull the account and make him get his own. Then he'll have to be the one with the late charges, not you. Then he can see how lovely it feels :)

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I like MichBride's idea.  Make him get an account and have him be the one to pay the late fees.  If that doesn't work, Join Netflicks.  You may pay more for the monthly membership, but at least you can keep the movie for as long as you want.

Michele & Kyle

5/16/2006

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 12:48 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

Not overreacting at all! Its costing YOU money, not him, for him being irresponsible.  I'd just tell him to get his own account and then that might motivate him to take them back.
I heart Matt! 5/12/2007

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 12:49 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

No, you're not over reacting.  One of the top 3 things married couples fight about is money.  It's not just returning a movie--those late fees could eventually affect your credit score.  Companies are turning over unpaid debts to creditors and that hurts your credit score and can affect things like interest rates on loans and morgages for the future.  As a married couple, you two will share finances and bills together and it doesn't bode well that your FH has a lax attitude toward late fees.  He might as well take a $20 bill out of his pocket and light it on fire.  Either insist that he take movies back on time or remove him from your card.  Or, he'll have to pay a double late fee--one to the store and one to you. 

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

I don't think you are being unresonable.  That would annoy me to no end as well.  I would simply tell him, if you get one more late charge on your credit card, not only will he pay for the late fee, but you will remove your credit card from the account you have at the rental store and if he wants to rent movies, then he can sign up using his own credit card.  That's really childish and a waste of money to get late fees because he can't take a movie back on time. 

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 1:04 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i am gonna go out on a limb here and say YES!!! WAY OVER REACTING!!!!

 

just because he doesnt return movies on time doesnt make him the anti-christ. if that is the worst of his evils grab on tight and NEVER let go.

 

having said that, i TOTALLY know where you are coming from. my FH is late, A LOT. and it drives me batty. unfortunately i can't teach an old dog new tricks, so i decided to only occaisonally say things and just try not to let it get to me too much. after all, i am EXTREMELY punctual on the side of being early most times. i could stand to chill out a bit. and our missing dinner reservations makes him no less loving. so basically, i am suggesting, let it go... ask him to pay the late fee, or pay for the next movie rentals when you go to the store. don't let it bother you and certainly DON't start a fight over something as rediculous as $20. and try to view it as just that. he is not TRYING to disresepct you. he doesnt view it that way, so dont try to make the issue into that. that issue is $20, plain and simple. save your battles for something more important and good luck.

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BB84 Posts : 389 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 1:05 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thanks everyone.  Sadly, I am definitely going to have to get him off my account.  Sometimes he just makes me feel like I nuts for getting mad about things, and I start to wonder if I am.  I called him like two hours ago and left a bitchy voicemail when I saw that my card had been charged, and he hasn't called back.  I guess he doesn't want to endure my wrath.  I'm just super annoyed.

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 1:05 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Haha... a double late fee... I love that idea!! :)

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 3:53 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

If I were you, I would be annoyed about TWO things.

1)  Frequently not returning the movie.

2)  The dismissive attitude.

It is not a deal breaker, but I would make sure he was unable to checkout movies on my account.  I would also be tempted to take the appropriate amount of cash out of his wallet in front of him. 

 

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SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: May 31, 2006 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well, its costing you money and potentially damaging your credit rating, so you have reason to be annoyed. I agree that the best thing to do now is take him off of your account.

 

After you're married, just accept that you'll be the one to return movies, don't expect him to do it. In the grand scheme of life, this is a little thing. No one likes to be nagged and there will be things you don't like/want to do that you can get him to take of.

My FI and have been living together for 4 years so I feel confident in saying that you'll be much happier if you let minor stuff go.

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: Jun 1, 2006 9:03 AM Go to message in response to: SeasideBride06

I agree with Seaside ~ that we should let the minor things go BUT what is minor to me might be major to you.

***

So i'll say No you're not overreacting bec this is something that is important to you (your credit rating/having people phoning and moaning 'bout fines) and your df doesn't seem to get that.

***

I second the idea of canceling the account and making him join on his cc ~ or have them change the telephone number on your account to his number. That way HE gets the annoying phone calls.

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: Jun 1, 2006 9:20 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I wish there was a way to make quotes but:

I agree with Seaside ~ that we should let the minor things go BUT what is minor to me might be major to you.

Sometimes the minor things reveal more major things to us. You feel disrespected, and frankly, it is disrespectful. So no, you aren't overreacting. Having him get his own account is an idea, but I would also sit down with him calmly and talk about how it made you feel. Don't talk to him though in a condescending or angry way, just let him know that his behavior made you feel used and like he just had no regard for your finances.

The other thing that concerns me is that eventhough he might get his own account, you will be a married couple and his debt becomes your debt. So this is definitely a discussion I'd be having.

Good luck!


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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: Jun 1, 2006 10:03 AM Go to message in response to: RomanticGirl

And when you talk to him remember to describe how you feel in "I statements, as in "I feel like you don't care about me when I get the ugly calls from the movie place.  I feel stupid when they call me about a movie that I did not know was still out, when I had trusted you to return it."  He'll be able to listen to that a lot better than, "You ba$tard!, how could you do this to me again!  You don't care about me." 

Eventually, every man needs to figure out the little things are important to us. 

 

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Re: I need an objective opinion....am I over-reacting??
Posted: Jun 1, 2006 11:52 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

even though everyone disagreed with my post hehe just wanted to provide a little fyi, late videos at blockbuster WILL NOT AFFECT YOUR CREDIT!!!!

 

i work in credit. i have NEVER seen a collection from blockbuster video. it would cost them too much money to even bother. now Victorias Secret i see a lot. people actually get declined for loans a lot because of VS bill lateness. but a video late charge... really, its just $20.

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