Hey Eli! Was new when you disappeared to get married but glad to hear from you again!
It's strange b/c even when I was just thinking about marriage (before I got engaged) I was always more suspicious of the engaged girls I met who were all "starry-eyed" up until the last moment, sighing about how perfect everything was going to be. Especially the ones who were marrying a highschool boyfriend and had rarely dated prior (NOT that this never works!!! Just have always been raised rather "jaded" on that one). I always assumed that nerves, doubts, and asking yourself "Am I doing the right thing" was MORE normal. But, since getting engaged, and as the wedding draws nearer, I too feel like I've bought into the pressure that the bride-to-be is especially supposed to enjoy every MILLI-second up to her wedding. She's supposed to take some dungeon-esque delight in dragging her fiancee to look at flowers, cakes, invitation ribbon, etc. She should use every moment to plan that wedding and if NOT, she's thinking about it...
Me? With a guest list of 30 I probably have way more time on my hands than the average bride. Then again, I've had 5 mos to throw it together so it averages out. 
But I still wonder: "Is it REALLY ok that I'm not obsessing about the wedding this week? Yes, I know the dress is bought, flowers/cake figured out, caterer, officiant, site, all done... but really??" Do I ask myself if I really want to do this? Sometimes, usually when all the other stress comes charging at me. Do I think about my parents' marriage ending after 20 yrs, and the fiancee's parents breaking up at a similar point? Oh yeah, you bet I do. As he put it during a discussion about this, I don't want to become another statistic. None of us does.
What gets me through is that when I mentally take away all the things that are stressing me right now, what's left is that I still want to marry him and be married to him. The nervous fear in general is still there at times but for me it comes more from a desire to not want to screw things up the way either of our parents did, rather to not want to marry him. I don't look into my future and see someone other than him The bottom line is that one of my greater joys is making him laugh, one of the safest places I feel is wherever he is, and I can't imagine not having him around for whatever adventures and new things that life throws at me. 
