Without getting into a government debate over what happened I would agree with nayette. At some point all of will or have already had that momnet whee you ask yourself if what you are doing is really what you want. For some it is just cold feet but for others it is much deeper. And for that issue only I feel we can all have a little smypathy for the "run away bride".
I think we can all agree that she was feeling pressure and doubt; however, I totally agree with jgorczy06, and I think what "the runaway bride" did was completely morally reprehensible. Ok, fine, so you're having cold feet and you run away. Not ok, not fine, you make phony calls to the police about being kidnapped by a minority, cut your hair to disguise yourself, and then call home sobbing when you run out of money and finally realize what you have done.
maya I don't agree with the way she did things but I feel she did have the right to have "cold feet" and leave without telling anyone. Her calling 911 and placing a fake call is not what I was posting about and was wrong , I just wanted to say I felt for her with the whole not sure thing.
I had plenty of doubts before I got married. Most of them were in the six weeks leading up to the wedding. I think a lot of us become unnecessarily worried about our doubts because we think we are SUPPOSED to be 100% starry eyed, confidently in love. But in truth, we are probably just afraid to admit to our doubts and then end up believing the disillusion that a "normal" bride does not have any doubts. Second thoughts are normal, and I'd be worried about a bride who didn't ask herself, "Do I really want to do this?". My cold feet quickly defrosted in the few weeks after my wedding, and now the question of whether or not I want to be married is just not something that ever occurs to me. Being married feels like the most natural thing in the world.
I am divided on whether people in cases like this should have to pay back the money spent on searching for them. Imagine, your 15 year old daughter runs away, you and the community/authorities spend a lot of money looking for her, and don't find her. Years later she wants to come back to her family but is afraid that she will have to pay all the money back because of this case. So she might not come back. Who knows.
In this state if someone "disappears" with out telling someone, or in the case of a runaway, no you don't get stuck with the cost of the search/rescue, even in the case of runaways, provided that once found, you don't lie or make up stories. That falls under filing a false police report which is a felony as well as making a prank 911 call. Once the felony was committed, the county goverment had the right to seek reimbursement for the charges.
If anyone has second thoughts, please find someone to talk too, or if you feel you do need alone time to think, let someone know, that would be the responsible thing to do.
ELI - Great to see you!
Message was edited by mswordwiz on May 2, 2006 8:14 AM - forgot to say HIYAS TO ELI!
Just so we're clear, I don't think anyone is condoning the way Jennifer Wilbanks filed a false police report and made phony 911 calls. Those are obviously not healthy ways to deal with doubts concerning one's future. I am just saying that we are all future (or recent) brides, and we all have felt or will feel just a speck of uncertainty once in awhile. I just feel sorry for Jennifer Wilbanks that she felt so trapped and didn't feel that there was anyone she could talk to about her problems, so she faked her kidnapping and got an entire community concerned for her safety. That behavior is totally unacceptable...BUT I've got to feel sorry for her for having the extreme feelings that made her feel that this was the only way out of the wedding.
Second thoughts are absolutely normal. I've had 'em. I think we can all sympathize with the feelings one can have taking such a serious step in life. However, Jennifer Wilbanks seems to be such a classic example of the kind of person who uses her own drama to perpetuate her own self-image of a "victim" who deserves soooo much compassion and sympathy. It's the characteristic of a manipulative, psychologically harmful individual, and therefore she'll get no sympathy from me. A person who wants to deal with their feelings without twisting other people's realities does not act so selfishly. I hope she doesn't wield this "weapon" against her own innocent (yet unborn) children.
eli!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how goes it lady? :)
i totally agree with you. i'm 6 weeks out and having those kinds of thoughts. after all, it is a huge decision.... kinda like when we bought our house, we were like omg should we really do this?!!??! now we couldn't be happier with it. same thing with marriage!
Message was edited by MichBride on May 2, 2006 2:28 PM
Hey Eli! Was new when you disappeared to get married but glad to hear from you again!
It's strange b/c even when I was just thinking about marriage (before I got engaged) I was always more suspicious of the engaged girls I met who were all "starry-eyed" up until the last moment, sighing about how perfect everything was going to be. Especially the ones who were marrying a highschool boyfriend and had rarely dated prior (NOT that this never works!!! Just have always been raised rather "jaded" on that one). I always assumed that nerves, doubts, and asking yourself "Am I doing the right thing" was MORE normal. But, since getting engaged, and as the wedding draws nearer, I too feel like I've bought into the pressure that the bride-to-be is especially supposed to enjoy every MILLI-second up to her wedding. She's supposed to take some dungeon-esque delight in dragging her fiancee to look at flowers, cakes, invitation ribbon, etc. She should use every moment to plan that wedding and if NOT, she's thinking about it...
Me? With a guest list of 30 I probably have way more time on my hands than the average bride. Then again, I've had 5 mos to throw it together so it averages out. But I still wonder: "Is it REALLY ok that I'm not obsessing about the wedding this week? Yes, I know the dress is bought, flowers/cake figured out, caterer, officiant, site, all done... but really??" Do I ask myself if I really want to do this? Sometimes, usually when all the other stress comes charging at me. Do I think about my parents' marriage ending after 20 yrs, and the fiancee's parents breaking up at a similar point? Oh yeah, you bet I do. As he put it during a discussion about this, I don't want to become another statistic. None of us does.
What gets me through is that when I mentally take away all the things that are stressing me right now, what's left is that I still want to marry him and be married to him. The nervous fear in general is still there at times but for me it comes more from a desire to not want to screw things up the way either of our parents did, rather to not want to marry him. I don't look into my future and see someone other than him The bottom line is that one of my greater joys is making him laugh, one of the safest places I feel is wherever he is, and I can't imagine not having him around for whatever adventures and new things that life throws at me.