Need a shoulder to lean on....

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Guest
Re: Need a shoulder to lean on....
Posted: May 1, 2006 1:24 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Wow. Thank you Snowybride. Your suggestions made me think if maybe this is what's going on with him too. I'm not saying it's my fault, but I can understand where he might be afraid to come clean. I have been known to chew him out a few times. Maybe that's something I need to work on too. Thanks again Ladies for all your imput. I'll keep you posted.

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Guest
Re: Need a shoulder to lean on....
Posted: May 1, 2006 2:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

SpanishBride, thanks for taking my post to heart. I know it can be hard to wonder all the time if he is lying, but really, if there is nothing else major on your list of "con's" it's worth a try. Good luck to you, I know I'll be sending positive thoughts you and your FH's way :)

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Guest
Re: Need a shoulder to lean on....
Posted: May 1, 2006 2:50 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i have to say i agree with Reporter Bride... He may have a tendency about lieing about little things, but being suspended from Work isn't a little thing. Lieing about going to a game instead of to Teds.. Not that Big of a deal, although i would wonder where does it stop...  Counceling is probobly the best dicesion, basically b/c  i don't like saying to dump the man you were willing to marry that easily. just take time with it. ok?

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Guest
Re: Need a shoulder to lean on....
Posted: May 1, 2006 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My thought after reading this is "if he is lying about this, what else is he lying about"

Trust is like respect, you just dont get it, you have to earn it.  And he doesnt seem to be a good job at earning it. 

You have to think about your future and if you want a mate who constantly lies to you about stuff.  Big or small its still a lie and its not going to go away just because you get married. 

I wish you all the best of luck and I am here if you need to talk. 

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Need a shoulder to lean on....
Posted: May 1, 2006 4:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

It's ultimately your decision all we can do is offer opinions.  Sometimes though, it's easier for other people(even girls on the board) to see a different side of things because we aren't in the situation.. It's easier for us to be like oh he's a liar, just leave..  However we're not in love with the guy.  I think at some point in our lives we've all been in a situation where we knew it wasn't right, yet weren't quite ready to walk away.. I know I have, I didn't listen to a single person.  We can all understand your point of view, and where you're coming from because like I said on some level we've all been in similar circumstances... However if he lies constantly even just about stupid things, I would imagine that the lies are just gonna grow bigger and bigger.. For example.. he lies about getting suspended from work, then what if he lies to cover up the real reason why he's suspended? And then lies again to cover up the lie he made to cover up the other lie.. The lies just gradually get bigger and bigger and bigger.. The question is... How much is to much?  That's for you to decide...... However you said that you're at a point where you don't trust a word he says.. Trust on any level, is a very very very important aspect of a relationship, and if you're lacking it.. You might want to figure out what he can do to earn it back, or even if he tried to earn it back if you could ever trust him... Me personally I don't think I could..... I think you should sit down on your own, and think long and hard about this relationship.. Do you see yourself with this man, 5, 10, 15 years from now, do you see yourself happy with him, or do you see things getting worse?  These are all things you should be seriously considering before you marry him.... Good Luck!

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071707 Posts : 313 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Need a shoulder to lean on....
Posted: May 1, 2006 11:49 PM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

Dr Phil says "For every rat you see, theres a thousand you don't"

How many things has he lied about which you haven't caught him out on? You'll probably never know. If he lies about little things, what makes you think he'll tell the truth about the big things?

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Guest
Re: Need a shoulder to lean on....
Posted: May 2, 2006 12:06 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think she mentioned he left because they wouldn't give them their checks and he felt it was BS. I could be reading the post wrong but I feel that is what she was trying to say.

I say try and get some help with his little issue. You obviously love the man and I see no reason to throw away your relationship because he is lying overwhat you guys consider petty things. Maybe he was just ashamed to tell you about the whole situation from work. Men do have huge egos and want to be the bread winner so maybe he was feeling like he wasn't being enough of a man when it came to that.

As for the other things just let him know he doesn't have to lie to you about anything, that you love him no matter what and that if he does lie that you will listen when he does tell you the truth.

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Need a shoulder to lean on....
Posted: May 2, 2006 11:03 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I just wanted to add my fav dr.phil quote as well.... Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour.

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