Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 9:23 AM

Lately I've come across a few different threads, and been shocked when I saw the level of snobby attitudes, insensitivity, and just down right rude responses.  I'm just wondering if anyone else has noticed the same thing, and how they feel about it?  Personally I'm getting a bit tired of it.  Although none of the nastiness has been towards me, I feel that something needs to be said because regardless of who it is directed at, it's rude, it's uncalled for, and it's sad.  We all come here for the same reasons, and that is to get help with wedding problems, occasionally start a thread that makes people laugh, and get help sometimes with just everyday issues.  We are all suppose to be there for eachother, and it's not looking like that's the case in all circumstances.  Every time someone is rude to someone else, that person, and anyone who witnesses it, is more and more discouraged, and less likely to come back, and when people don't come back, not only do some of us lose friends, but we lose their great ideas, and we lose the possibility to help them solve their problems.  In life we don't have to like everyone we meet, but sometimes we as adults just have to suck it up, put a smile on our faces and just be nice, as much as we may not want to be.  It's the price we pay sometimes for maturity.  So I was just curious if anyone else has noticed this.... Or if anyone else has anything to add to this... 

Just a note, this post wasn't made to start an argument, but simply to discuss an issue that I've noticed, and feel should be discussed.

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 9:36 AM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

I remember someone saying something to the effect of: "do you think all those snotty people from other boards will ruin our safe brides board when the switch over occurs?"

Unfortunately I think that's what happened. Most people aren't going to want to share as much anymore. And when people do, we'll all suspect it's a Sophie/Aly type...

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 10:57 AM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

i've noticed it, too. one person says something, and someone else decides to be hostile.  it's so obnoxious, i agree. i can't stand some of the snarky women on these boards, but if i don't like what they say, i simply don't respond. many good women have left these boards because they were chased off, and many for other reasons. but i'm glad someone else brought it up.

Emily and Jon

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spring07bride Posts : 363 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 11:47 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I have to agree w/you girls.  I look forward to coming on here and getting some help AND helping others with wedding issues.  Plus, it's a great place to share our excitedness to each other (God knows my FH has heard his fair share!) about wedding stuff.  But I too have come across some unnecessary remarks in a few posts...and it is sad.  On the other hand, I think for the most part the girls on here are on here for the same positive reasons we are.  As for the others, it's best to ignore them and hope they go away...if they continue their comments, it may be best to give them a little help going away!

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 11:54 AM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

I'm actually really new to the boards. Even before the change, I had only been a member for about a month. But I had stuck with it because I did like alot of what I had read... until recently. The thread I posted a few days ago was actually the very first thread I have ever posted. I am so thankful to those ladies who came out and stood up for me. They are the ones that keep me coming back. I really appreciated that. I was really shocked when I read the first few responses. Why do people have to be such a$%-es?

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I whole heartedly agree. I have been noticing more and more of this and just ignored all the rude posts until (sorry to use you as an example)SpanishBrides post, when i finally felt like saying something. Here is a girl who just wanted to talk about something without ridicule or judgement, and that is exactly what she received.

I have enjoyed this board in many ways. We're all here for the same reason and that is weddings! I come here because I like seeing everyones ideas, and have questions of my own, and well, I dont want to talk incessantly to people in my life about wedding plans, because surely theyre going to get sick of me!!

Even though this hasnt happened to me(yet) I certainly feel for the girls who are trying to get opinions, want someone to vent to,or to talk about an issue and are met with snide remarks.

thank you for bringing this up NatSeptBride. Atleast there a few people out there who also find this ridiculous!

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 1:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I totally agree I haven't been posting lately because it seems like anytime someone says something someone has to come in and judge them.  I feel like their are a few people who set out looking for people to attack.  I'm new to these types of posting but I really don't like the fact that you can't say something without having someone be rude to you.  I remember I replied to someone's posting trying to help them out and let them know I understood how they were feeling and then I was attacked for what I said.  The person was so rude to me and didn't even know my situation but still decided to have judgement and think that I was wrong and they were right.  If I don't have nothing nice to say to someone who has posted then I don't say anything, if I feel that I can help I will.  I think that we should all show a little more respect for others and their situations because we don't always know the whole story.

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm glad to see that there are people who have noticed this.   I'm not sure it's a problem that can be fixed. Just like in life there will always be someone we don't get along with for personal reasons, and sometimes for other reasons such as that person just not liking you.  However in a place like this where we are all here for the same reason, and that's for support etc.. I really truly think it is uncalled for.  We all have bad days, we all get in bad moods, but lets all remember that we don't like it when people take it out on us, so why do to others, what you don't like done to you?  I truly hope that we don't lose anyone else due to snarky remarks on the board.  In all honestly these boards are the only thing aside from fh that has kept me sane through this planning process, and lately the total lack of respect for eachother again not everyone but regardless I find it ridiculous, and it's made me consider whether or not I want to keep coming back.  I however decided that I refuse to be run off by people who don't know enough to keep rude comments to themselves, and I just keep reminding myself of my goal, and that is to marry fh, and make it through this whole wedding planning process.  I look forward to all the new suggestions, ideas, etc from everyone, so stick together girls, and lets try to not let the few people who find it necessary to tell people off on a daily basis get to us. 

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 3:01 PM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

We can all sit here and say we will/should/are going to ignore the snarkiness, but the reality is that we won't.  We will defend ourselves, our beliefs, and stick up for someone who is getting pushed around.  I think that's good.

As for the trolls, well, they will come and go, like they always do on every board on the net.

I really think in light of all that's happened with the boards in the last month things are not THAT bad. 

My biggest suggestion would be if you have a problem or a question, be as specific as possible.  BridesMom (sorry to call you out on this, but it's something I noticed) was upset and felt that everyone was jumping up in her shit, but she had to keep adding more details to her original question.  I think if she had been as descriptive in her original post as she was in follow ups, it might not have gotten out of hand.

SpanishBride (sorry, but this is another example) specifically asked if people didn't have the same beliefs that they stay out of it, and well, people didn't heed her wishes.  They felt that imposing their beliefs would make her question less valid but really ened up with snarkiness all around.  If you don't believe/agree with something someone says, don't bash them, don't call their beliefs silly games, it's not nice.

No, it will never be all sunshine and lollipops on the boards, but we sure can try, can't we?  Now, get on with the planning!!!

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 3:24 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think that in some cases its an issue of people not knowing how to really express themselves in this format. Even with the smileys you can really misinterpret tone, intent, etc b/c you don't have a face and expression to put the words with.

That said, I've also noticed some rudeness and immaturity but in any open forum that will happen; you're also going to have people who are more outspoken and confrontational, and welcome the chance for a simple comment or question become a battle of wills. Just like in face-to-face life.

I would really hope no one is discouraged enough to be scared off what I think is an otherwise very helpful, fun and supportive forum. I try to stay OUT of most of the posts that become inflamed and stick to giving ideas, congrats, and advice, and sharing experiences. I think (hope) that THAT more than anything will counter any rudeness or negativity.

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 3:58 PM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

Well said! I was thinking the same thing and trying to figure out how to bring it up - without starting something so thank you NatSeptBride.

Like many of you, I have pretty much stopped posting/responding because there isn't w hole lot to respond to with all the arguments going on. We all come here to talk about weddings and bounce ideas off each other - this should be a safe place to do it. No one should fear being judged - and none of us have the right to judge anyone else.

Let's all please start again and move on from all the hostility and get back to discussing our weddings and wedidng-related issues/ideas/problems etc. And if someone asks a question - they are asking because they don't know the answer (otherwise why would they ask) - so lets not please jump all over them for asking. Many of us are planning a wedding for the first time and have many questions.

All this arguing is giving brides a bad name - everywhere!

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 4:27 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

It used to be all lollipops...

If any snarky people are reading this...I think whenever you have to start a post with "no offense" or "not to flame you but.." it's probably a sign you are about to be rude. that's my rule of thumb, i wish we could put a block on any post that starts that way.

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 5:05 PM Go to message in response to: RomanticGirl

 I agree with all of you fine ladies here

Although one side note, I have said "Not flaming anyone here but..."  And seriously was not try to be rude, I just wanted to get my point across and on these boards, sometimes, it doesnt come across all roses like I typed it out.. its all in interpertation :)   

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Guest
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 5:06 PM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

If I could be completely honest, I used to be HOOKED to this site...almost obsessive ;)
I haven't gone on this site in more then 2 weeks because of the nasty brides. I LOVED some of the ideas and help, but now I am scared s*itless that my head will be bitten off by someone who thinks my question is stupid.

If I wanted that, I would go back 10 years and end up back in Highschool...but I thought that the idea of these boards were so neat..what a great way to vent/get help/and meet amazing people that are in the same boat as me... I want to enjoy these boards again...and I think that this post was needed to get us all to realize that we are all mature woman (we should be mature...we are getting MARRIED) and that we all need advice and comfort during this stressful time.

I think the golden rule should apply...
If you can't say anything nice about someone don't say it at all... ( I can even hear my grandma saying it hahahhahaa)

I hope things turn around for the better..so I can get HOOKED again ;)

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lori83 Posts : 1,852 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Has anyone else noticed the level of disrespect on this board lately?
Posted: Apr 21, 2006 5:17 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Bridezillarex - I don't mind you calling me on that as long as you don't have a problem with me responding.

I wanted to keep my post as simple as possible and really did not want to have to go into the details. But then I did get jumped on and it was about not inviting the IL's which was not what I was asking.

Sometimes people do read more into the post and automatically go into the defense mode.

As in that instance I just asked if brides were planning on their inlaws attending and it turned into uh, you are not inviting the inlaws, never heard of such a thing how rude and that was just the 1st response.

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