I guess I don't know what kind of premarital counseling (and church) you're going through, but here's how my pastor put it. Yes, premarital counseling is where you're going to learn a lot about each other, your feelings on sex, finances, children, employment, etc. But it's also where you should be able to figure out if - yes, we should definitely get married, and we're headed in the right direction; yes, we should get married, but we have somethings we need to work out first (whatever that may be); or no, we should not get married, because there are issues between us that may eventually lead to divorce. Our pastor has made it very clear that we're not just going to touch on things like finances and children and such. He is also there as our pastor, AND as a counselor to help us weed through any problems that we have or may arise. So we're doing premarital counseling, yes, but regardless of the 'premarital' title, bottom line, it's still counseling. And really, something I think that all couples should go through at some point, regardless if they're having major issues or not.
Trust me. It works. My FSIL (I don't know if you remember me talking about her on the old boards), but she was 'engaged' to a guy that was....not for her. He was 10 years older than her (not saying that it's always a bad thing), but he was very set in his ways, and also very verbally abusive. And she didn't see it. Not at all, even though the rest of us could. They broke up at least 5 times in the year that they dated, but they kept getting back together and she kept saying, "Oh, I love him so much, and we're going to get married, he really wants to marry me..." And they started premarital counseling and, oh boy, did those issues come up!!!! (I really feel bad for the pastor that did theirs - and I think they only met with him 2 or 3 times) Needless to say, they are no longer together, because they realized (especially my FSIL) that they had issues that would make for a completely miserable marriage and lifetime - if it made it that long.
It's obvious that the OP and her FH were/are planning to get married. And this issue is after the fact. So I don't see why counseling is a bad idea. I mean, on the one hand, it could just be a wrong place, wrong time, he didn't know what to way, etc. kind of situation, and if it is, I hope they can work through it all. And if it truly is what the OP thinks it is, well, what better time to sort through it than BEFORE you get married, and what better place to do it than with an uninvoled, objective 3rd party such as a pastor or a counselor.
