Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)

Online Users: 1,317 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 155


BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: lori83

I don't like these lines either.  Apparently, this is the old way of saying it...some churches allow BOTH parties to say "love and honour"

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 2:33 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

"Question: if you believe that the purpose of marriage is to procreate, than isn't ANY form of birth control considered to be tampering with that?  INCLUDING NFP?

Like, I don't understand how you can say that condoms are not good because the purpose of marriage is to procreate, but that NFP is okay...BOTH are methods of interferring with pregnancy!" quoted by BirdLover

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This is an excellent point.  Thanks for bringing it up :)

This post oeverall has me questioning a lot of things right now. There are so many opinions on what should and shouldnt be done... right down to if the man should wear a condom or not.  Sometimes I wonder if people over analyze what is stated in the bible too much.  Not flaming anyone, just making the statment that IMO, you can put WAY too much into something that may have been once a social standard and may not apply today (IE no eating hoofed animals, because pigs once carried diseases. However now are considered the "other white meat")  

 I have been following this post for sometime.  There are a lot of opinions on here and I congratulate and thank everyone for being kind and respectful to eachother. 

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lori83 Posts : 1,852 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 3:12 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

BirdLover I too have to say great question. Now I am just waiting to see what the answer is.

As I posted earlier I have been using contraception for the past 15 years. My husband and I decided this based on two things. 1. We have a girl and a boy but 2. the biggest thing was that our son was born with a cancer that is hereditary and thus we had the chance of having another child with this same cancer. That was something that mentally I would not have been able to handle.

So I am wondering what the thoughts of December2005Bride are on this. What would she do if she was in my position? Should we be risking the life of another child by having unprotected sex? Also I am over the age of 40 and that alone brings its own risks.

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 3:25 PM Go to message in response to: lori83

That is a good question. I was just thinking that that assertion made no sense.  If marriage is only for procreation, why would you be having sex for any other reason?  And if it isn't only for procreation, and also for pleasure, then why would it matter what type of BC you used?

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 5:33 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I have to agree with Birdlover... I think that if marriage was created for procreation... you shouldn't even be using nfp. IMO. But I dont believe that marriage was only created for that. If that was the case then EVERY couple who got married would be able to have children. I know several ppl who haven't been able to.  I can have children, but, I have to go on a certain medicine to become fertile. Me and fh use contraceptives because we know that with everytime we have sex there is still that chance that we could get pregnant. And in my opinon marriage is more about companionship (sp?) than procreation.

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 6:17 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Why do I think NFP is good and contraceptives are not?  I definitely don't think it's "wrong" to use contraceptives.  My husband and I have decided that it is wrong for us, but I can't speak for everyone else.  I would say that it's not ideal for marriages, in general.  I feel that, in general, couples should not be so closed to the idea to having children that they feel they must use contraceptives.  I feel that NFP keeps couples thinking about children but provides a way to avoid pregnancy when approriate (like for me to finish college right now).  Having used the Pill, condoms, and now NFP, I really think that NFP is the best.  It makes us feel closer, like we're not holding anything back. 

I said earlier that I believe the purpose of marriage is procreation and illustration (of the union between Christ and His Church).  I think unity between spouses is included in illustration.  Some, if not most, Christian denominations teach this.  Procreation is not the "only" purpose of marriage, but, in general, it is a large part of it.  I know there are couples who cannot have children.  I believe those couples are called to do something else, whether that be adopt or devote their lives to something that would not be conducive to children.  For example, the couple who runs the ministry my husband and I are a part of cannot have children.  They believe it was a blessing in disguise because the work they do would be very challenging if they had children.

I understand that there are medical reasons for some couples to avoid pregnancy.  Other than sterilization, NFP is as effective a way as any to do that.  However, since I do not have experience with that, I don't feel justified in telling someone in that sort of situation to use NFP.  Again, I don't believe it's "wrong" to use contraceptives.  It's not a black and white issue. 

There are a lot of books that do a much better job than me in explaining the reasons to use NFP.  My husband and I did not base our decision to use NFP on something we read in the Bible.  It is just a conviction for us. 

I agree with the poster that said people sometimes overanalyze things.  That was my point when I made the statement that there are many ways a marriage can fall short of the glory of God, and pre-marital sex is just one of them.  I have friends and relatives who dwell on pre-marital sex way more than I think is necessary.  I feel that couples should spend time thinking about sex within the context of family rather than "So how far can we go before marriage and it be okay?" 

I believe that personal issues within your marriage are between you, your spouse, and God - not the rest of the world who will tell you a million different things.  The Bible does't have all the answers to all our problems, only God does.  If he gave us the solutions manual to life, how would we ever learn anything and why would we ever go to Him for help?   

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 8:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well, here's my thoughts on NFP.  I have been waiting over four and a half years to make love to my FH and I'll be darned if I ever have to wait again on account of the fact that I'm fertile.  I wanna jump his bones anytime I feel like it and I want him to do the same to me.     Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!


Message was edited by CarsonsJellybean on Apr 12, 2006 8:09 PM

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 8:24 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Does anyone know if we can print our guest list or export it into excel?

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lori83 Posts : 1,852 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 8:48 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Now that's what I call changing the subject. Aren't these new boards great? They do it for us.

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 9:30 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

amen to that sister! I havent been waiting... but i want to be able to do it when and where i want.

i dont have anything against nfp, but i dont think it is any better than condoms or birth control. and im catholic. I am a woman who works 50-60 hrs a week and i really dont have time to take my temp or any of the other things. I also work midnight shift and half the time dont have any idea what day it is!

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 13, 2006 4:13 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I guess to me, ANY form of contraception (besides sterilization) allows a couple to be "open" to the idea of children. I can stop taking my pills and be fertile that month. A woman can take out her diaphragm or have an IUD removed and be fertile immediately. Even Depo (which I think is awful for other reasons) only affects fertility for 3-4 months after a shot. In fact, for many women, using the pill or other hormonal methods of BC can INCREASE their eventual ability to become pregnant, as the medication can alleviate some cases of endometriosis and prevent ovarian cancer.  So if NFP works for a couple, and falls within their convictions, that is great. Like I said, it did work for a friend. But I do think that it is promoted by many in the church, and feels somehow more "open" to the idea of children, because it quite simply does not work as well as other methods. Yes, I know ANY method can fail (that's why I'm here), but if in a real-world situation simple methods like pills/condoms etc. all have reduced efficacy rates due to human error/behavior, a complicated method like NFP is going to fail FAR MORE OFTEN. 

Anyway, we all have our own priorities and prefrences. I'm just glad that BC is still available, despite certain groups in this country who would prefer it be much harder to get.

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 13, 2006 12:30 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Funny, I think when you live together it's easier to not have sex. LOL. J/k.

Yeah, I'm Catholic, and consider myself very spiritual (as opposed to religious which i think is more based on rules than connecting to spirituality). If it makes you feel better, I personally don't believe that God has a problem with it.  I think that the rule about premarital sex stems from a thought that to keep society healthy, society should believe that one partner is right. And I think this thought does lead to a healthier society, especially in ancient times before birth control. (An interesting tidbit is that during the time when Mary, mother of Jesus, was betrothed, Jewish law allowed sex between a couple who was engaged. The issue became that Joseph knew he hadn't had sex with her. The issue wasn't so much that she was pregnant before marriage, but that she wasn't pregnant from her betrothed.) When you start to understand where these "rules" come from, you start to see that powerful religious people claimed these to be God's rule because they believed it would lead to a healthier society. And I think what hurts God can be judged by what hurts you. And if I don't feel it's diminishing me, or demeaning me, then I don't believe it is hurting me. Hope I didn't offend anyone, I just wanted to share my own thought process on how I resolved the question in my mind.

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 13, 2006 12:47 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

http://www.libchrist.com/bible/premaritalsex.html

interesting article about premarital sex and biblical times. could be wrong, who knows.

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 13, 2006 4:04 PM Go to message in response to: RomanticGirl

I guess I just don't get where you are coming from December.  Contraceptives are a way to avoid pregnancy, and SO IS NFP.  I don't know the difference....both are forms of BC.  As someone pointed out, using contraceptives does not mean you are closed to the idea of children, you can get off of them anytime and be fertile....it just means you are closed to the idea of becoming pregnant at the time you are using them, just like you are closed to the idea of becoming pregnant at the time you are having sex when you know you are not fertile! 

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 13, 2006 7:17 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

You guys are probably getting tired of me , but I just wanted to say that I have enjoyed reading everyone's opinions.  Romanticgirl, that link was interesting, but I'm sure there are plenty of people who would argue with it.  Maybe I was being closed-minded when I said contraceptives are not good for marriages.  I think from now on, I'll just talk about what is good or bad for my marriage.

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