Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 12:33 AM
I feel like such a bad, weak person. FH and I decided, based mostly on relgious grounds, to stop having sex until our wedding night, which is six months away. We lasted a little over a week! Seriously, I feel bad about it. Being a fairly religious person, I do believe sex before marriage is wrong. On the other hand, FH and I were together over two years before we even had sex, and we were both virgins when we finally did take that step. Although I still know it's wrong, those circumstances seem to make it a little less awful that we're having premarital sex, in my mind at least. Yes, I know the church would look at it differently. sigh
I'm just curious; have any of you tried stopping sex for a period of time before your wedding, and are you sticking with it, or, even better yet, who's patiently waiting until their wedding night to take that step? If you are waiting, how are you keeping yourself on track with that?
My FH and I are waiting. And it certainly isn't easy!!!! There are a lot of reasons why we're waiting, for instance - we don't need a baby (His sister's pregnant with her second by a different guy than the first, so my FILs have enough to deal with) but mostly its because of our Christian views on premarital sex. But to be honest, we haven't been exactly pure either. It's incredibly hard. Basically, we try and not put ourselves in a situation where we're alone too long. We try and spend more time with my parents and his parents - adult supervision - it's well-needed.
Well, yeah, I agree that we shouldn't have started in the first place. We can't take back the fact that we already started, but we were thinking we could at least stop now. I'll tell you what though, stopping is harder than waiting to start in the first place! Honestly, we could, I'm sure, keep from having sex for the next six months if we though it was really, really wrong. It's just hard to look at it that way considering that we're so close to being married and we've never been, and never will be, with anyone other than each other.
I totally understand you wanting to stop until the wedding. My FH and I were both virgins and we've messed up a few times in the last few months. We didn't do the whole shebang, but we did enough to feel guilty and know it was wrong, and to know that God did not bless or condone that act. I feel your pain. I know it's hard to stop now, and I also know that it's hard to feel guilty about it. It just feels so right since you are going to marry him. You already have the commitment in your heart, therefore, it should be O.K., but the bible says that we are to follow the law of the land and the law is that you are not married until you stand in front of the priest and say "I do." If you're having a hard time looking for a reason to stop, think about this, if the Lord came back in the middle of having sex with your FH before you're married, where do you think you would go? I don't mean that to sound as though I'm condemning you or preaching at you, that's just what I have had to say to myself to have the right heart and ask for forgiveness. I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.
<...if the Lord came back in the middle of having sex with your FH before you're married, where do you think you would go?...>
Well, this isn't a religion-affiliated board, so I don't want to get too deep into this, but I really don't think that FH and I would go to hell only for having premarital sex. I mean, sure, it is a sin, but I wouldn't put it on the level of murder, rape, theft, or most of those other things that I think of as really terrible. So, what will/would God to to make us pay for that sin? I'm not sure, but I picture it being something less than eternity cutt off from Him. My view is of a loving, caring Father-God who wants you to do what is right, but isn't lying in wait for you to mess up just so that he can punish you. Of course, everyone has their own view who/what God is. It's really good of you to be able to wait though, and if that's what makes you wait, more power to you!
I admit that this is probably a post that's better suited to a religious-type board, but this is the only board I frequent.
By the way, ffbride and CarsonsJellybean, I applaud you for waiting!
You are not bad or weak. Sex between a loving couple, married or not is a beautiful thing. Please don't feel bad.
I tell FH that we should stop having sex before the wedding. He laughes cause he knows it's not going to happen.
Can I assume you and FH live together? B/c no sex is harder that way. I'm not a very reglious person, but I believe if you ask God for forgiveness, it will be granted. You are not going to he!! for prematerial sex.
My FH and I have never had sex and wanted to wait until our wedding night. We moved in together a few months ago but the tension created hasnt been good for our relationship so we may have to give in before hand.
I have been in your exact situation (almost exactly). FH and I were together 5 years before we had sex, we were both virgins, and already engaged. We both share a very strong faith. We soon after decided to stop because of our faith. It's been nearly 3 years since then. No sex at all in three years! While it has been difficult, in many ways, our relationship with each other and our relationship with our God is so much stronger. His grace and forgiveness is unbelievable! Please do not be discouraged. It can be done! and I applaud you for taking this step in your faith and realizing it is not what God intended for you. I would love for you to email me if you want to talk about this anymore firstname.lastname@example.org... Did I notice you were from NEohio? Or maybe that was someone else, but in anycase I am from NEohio as well... I wish you well in your journey...
I keep telling FH we should wait and he just laughs! The only reason I want to is to make our wedding night more special...but I also want it to last!! I wouldn't feel guilty...you are getting married so its not like you are just "shacking up"!
OVer Christmas, my FH and I were separated, and went without sex for three weeks (separated as in, he was across the country). Anyway, when we finally had sex again, it was AWESOME! WE're thinking of not having sex a month or so before the wedding for this reason...however...6 months is a long time, maybe two long!
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 6:27 PMGo to messagein response to: BirdLover
LOL Yeah, six months is long! Actually, it's not like FH and I have sex all the time. We usually only do once every couple of weeks because we don't live together and don't see each other very often. When we called off the waiting period after only a week, that was actually unusual because we don't usually even see each other every week! Seriously, trying to not have sex just made us think about it more, which made us want it more. Ironic, huh?
I don't know whether or not I even want to try to wait again. Although I know it's a sin, I just don't think it's all that bad. I do believe that sins are ordered in a hierarchial rank, and, considering that we're getting married soon and basically already "saved" ourselves for each other, I think that it's pretty low on the scale. Also, trying to wait really stressed FH and me out because it got to the point that we didn't even want to make out because we knew it wasn't going to go anywhere and we were just going to end up frustrated. My issue with the premarital sex comes in the fact that, although I think it's not too horrible of a sin, I do still know it's wrong on some level.
It's interesting to hear your various opinions. Thank you!