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Emily Post never imagined social media when she established her rules of etiquette. That means most of the time, brides and grooms have to use their own common sense when it comes to figuring out the rights and wrongs of social media and weddings.
Unfortunately, the number of social media posts I see that violate every tenet of basic wedding etiquette tells me that it's time for a refresher course (or a primer for some of you) on what is, and what is not, the appropriate way to handle social media during your engagement and wedding weekend. In my professional opinion, these are the five things no bride or groom should publicize on social media:
1. Every Single Detail
Remember that not everybody on your "friends" and "followers" lists will be invited to your wedding, and that includes genuine friends that you're not close to anymore. When you post constantly about your wedding, and they realize they're not invited, every post with too much detail is like rubbing their noses in the fact that they aren't important enough to be invited to the biggest day of your life. This doesn't mean you can't share pictures from bridal showers or other wedding events, but you need to take care that you're not flooding social media with pictures that would be better shared in a closed group.
2. Drama, Drama, Drama
Keep your wedding drama to yourself. Never post negative things about your wedding party, your wedding vendors, your family, or anything else wedding-related on social media. You might decide to delete it after you've gotten it out of your system, but that's too late to take back the screenshots people have inevitably taken — and shared — of your social media wedding etiquette faux pas. At the worst, you may lose friends or vendors.
Don't post pictures of individual wedding or engagement gifts. It's not a competition. No matter how great the gift is, you don't have to publicly thank all of your guests and give them a round of applause on Instagram. That's why writing a heartfelt thank you note (on paper, not in messenger or email) is so important. Because you don't want to make other guests feel badly about having given you something less expensive than somebody else.
4. How Much It Costs
It's impolite to discuss money with friends, and that includes complaining about how expensive your wedding is on Facebook. None of your guests will feel comfortable reading that you're going to have to work a second job just to pay for them to have dinner at your reception.
5. Calling It Quits
Breaking up is hard to do, and nobody else wants to experience your traumatic reaction if your engagement ends, or you have to cancel your wedding. If, God forbid, you decide not to get married, don't post about it. Don't even rush to change your relationship status. The people who matter will know about it through traditional channels of communication and you don't need to hate on your fiancé via social media, even if things ended terribly. And you certainly don't notify your guests of a canceled wedding on Facebook.
Sandy Malone is the owner of Sandy Malone Weddings & Events and author of How to Plan Your Own Destination Wedding: Do-It-Yourself Tips from an Experienced Professional. Sandy is the star of TLC's reality show Wedding Island, about her destination wedding planning company, Weddings in Vieques.