How Involved Can I Be in My Own Proposal?

Engagement Rings, Etiquette, Proposals

Photo: Getty Images

Every person's dream proposal is different. Some want a total surprise, from the general timeline to the ring itself, some want a big event (think flashmob or surprise engagement party), some want something totally private, and others want to be involved in every detail. And while that last category is probably the least traditional, it's becoming more and more common. So exactly how involved can you be in your own proposal? Our experts weigh in.

If an out-of-left-field surprise proposal isn't quite what you'd hoped for, fear not! There are plenty of ways you can be involved, from subtle hints to deciding to pop the question yourself.

The first thing to do is talk to you soon-to-be fiancé about what he or she is hoping for. Do they really want to plan a special surprise when you least expect it? Now's the time to talk about the details you really care about — whether that means shopping for the ring together or setting guidelines about the type of proposal you don't want.

If they're open to ideas and suggestions, talk about the type of day you'd like to share. Leave room for a few surprises, but you could do anything from create a general idea to picking out exactly which restaurant the two of you would like to go to for your engagement dinner. Is there something you'd love to be wearing, or have you always dreamed of having a photographer capture the whole thing? Now's the time to make sure that dress is dry-cleaned, or to hint about the pro you'd love to have hiding in the bushes when the question is popped.

And of course, there's always the option of both proposing! Pick a day, then split it in half — one of you has the morning to plan and pop the question, and the other will do so in the afternoon, all capped off with either a private dinner or a party with your friends. Buy rings for one another, line up a few sweet surprises, and cherish the fact that you're really deciding to marry each other.

See more: 21 Things to Do Before You Propose

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