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You may have tulle and lace dancing in your head as you turn in with your soon-to-be-hubby, but your friends going to bed solo probably have other things on their minds... The truth is, that despite how supporting your single gal pals are of your engagement and all that wedding planning chaos, some of them might be getting their fill of all the seating chart talk and lovey-dovey stuff you can't stop spilling. Even worse? Some of your friends' feelings might be getting hurt every time you flash your new bling, reminding them that they're still single.
No bride wants bum out her besties, so here are a few helpful tips for staying sensitive to your single ladies while knee-deep in wedding planning.
1. Be empathetic.
It's the biggest day of your life, and it is understandable that you expect and want your friends to be thrilled for you all the time. However, while it is an important occasion to them, it is most likely not the biggest day of their life. If they are at a different place with stressors and other situations they are dealing with, it can get tricky because they might not always be immediately excited and enthusiastic about each and every detail of your wedding planning. You might get offended and think this means they don't care or aren't happy for you. However, instead of getting upset with them for not being there for you, remember that they are also trying to balance the demands of their own life which sometimes creates mixed feelings, and sidestep making an issue out of it.
2. Be considerate — especially if one of your friends is just getting out of a relationship.
If one of your friends recently ended a relationship, be aware that it may be hard for her to be expressive about her happiness for you because she might be caught up in her own sadness at the moment, given her own personal circumstances. Rather than being disappointed that she can't share your joy, extend yourself to her to express that you understand it can be really hard for her to be participating in your wedding knowing what she has just been through, and the fact that she is there with you means the world. Be mindful and take your cues from her if she expresses interest and asks you questions about what is going on, rather than just bombarding her with all the details of the occasion.
3. Be aware that your friends are going to have feelings about your maid of honor choice.
Your choice for the maid of honor is a really important one to you and everyone else because it says this is the most important person in your wedding party, besides your soon-to-be-spouse, of course. Even if you are very clear it will be your sister or your best friend, a lot of times your other friends will wonder why they weren't picked and, as a result, may take it very personally that you didn't select them. Old friends can get upset if you choose a new friend, new friends can get upset when you choose an old friend, friends can get upset when you choose a sister, and sisters can get upset when you choose a friend. So when you are deciding who will be your maid of honor and there are a number of possible choices, let them each know how special they are to you, which is why they are part of your wedding party. Reassure them that just because they are not the maid of honor, they hold a cherished place of importance and are, in fact, a big part of your momentous day.
Dr. Jane Greer is a New York-based relationship expert, radio host, and the author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. Connect with Dr. Jane Greer on Facebook and follow @DrJaneGreer on Twitter for her latest insights on love, relationships, sex, and intimacy.