Photo: Corbin Gurkin Photography
Most brides nowadays plan their weddings by staring at a computer screen. Scanning Pinterest. Emailing vendors. Reading wedding blogs. (Gotcha!) You gain a lot by going it alone like this. Creative control. Fun. Efficiency. No guilt about burdening others. By being the sole gatekeeper of information, communication, relationships with vendors, and deadlines, you're eliminating the risk of massive screw-ups. You've got this wedding thing covered.
But you may also be starting to feel overworked and lonely. Resentment's building — at your fiancé, at your family, at your girlfriends — for not understanding just how much work this is. So you have to decide: Are you willing to take the risk of allowing others into your wedding planning process?
Because if you assign, say, welcome bags to your mom and your aunts, the likelihood is that something won't be quite right on the day you meet to stuff them. Your mom couldn't quite find all the items you wanted — so she picked up others she thought were better (but in fact are so not you). The bags your aunties purchased are slightly too big and don't quite match your color scheme. And so on.
Yep, that's how it goes when you let people help you. You lose complete control. But if you can get over your short-term annoyance that the welcome bags aren't turning out exactly as you envisioned, you can gain so much from sharing this experience, such as...
1. Less work.
Shouldering every detail and stuffing every welcome bag by yourself can be stressful and overwhelming at times. As the saying goes, many hands make light work.
2. Less isolation.
Alleviate that all-alone feeling of wedding planning.
3. More closeness.
Working with your mom and aunts makes you feel more connected to your family and your clan. You'll hear family wedding stories you've never heard. You'll feel welcomed into the tribe of married women in your family.
4. More fun.
It's time-consuming and even grim, stuffing 100+ welcome bags by yourself. Make a day of it with family and friends, have a lot of laughs (and some wine?), and get the job done.
5. More perspective.
OK, so they didn't come out precisely as you planned. But they're "good enough," right? That's a healthy dose of perspective to take back to your solo wedding planning experience.
Allison Moir-Smith is a bridal counselor and author, and solves your family, emotional, and sticky wedding-planning situations at The Bride Whisperer.