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We get it, getting married is stressful, and oftentimes you may not even feel like yourself throughout the wedding planning process. Emotions are running high with so much to get done and so little time. But please, whatever you do ladies, don't turn into that bride. Yep, you know the one. The passive aggressive terror that everyone keeps tiptoeing around trying not to set off! Take a deep breath, calm yourself and don't let any of these all too common phrases pop out of your mouth.
1. "Do you really want me to have a wedding without a band?"
You're being sarcastic because you already know that whoever is footing the bill said you can't afford the band, points out relationship expert and author April Masini. Stop spinning your question into a passive aggressive, sarcastic query. You're not just blaming the person you're asking; you're acting like a bridezilla, she warns. "This isn't about what people want. It's about what's affordable. Whether you dance at your wedding to a big band, a disc jockey or your Apple playlist on speakers, you're still dancing. Focus on what's important, not the difference between what you want and what you can have."
2. "Well, Arielle's husband lost 20 pounds for his wedding."
How rude! Just because you're sweating for the wedding doesn't mean you have the right to passive aggressively put down your fiancé. Instead, try asking him if he wants to join you on your weight loss journey and drop some lbs. for the wedding too, suggests Psychotherapist Dr. Claudia Luiz. "Let him know it would make you happy." And make sure to mention all the fun ways (like bike rides, hiking, etc.) that you can get in shape and sneak in some bonding time together. Also, play up the fact that it would be good to have someone, AKA him, to help push you to meet your own goals.
3. "My family never had any problems like yours. We always know how to talk."
Getting involved with the drama probably isn't the best idea, and neither is being snooty about the way his side of the family communicates. Keep your opinions to yourself, and simply tell him that you can't deal with all this conflict right now and are going to just let him work it out with his folks, siblings, cousins or whoever it may be, recommends Luiz.
4. "Oh no biggie. I mean it's only my bachelorette party."
Guilt tripping your girl friend for not being able to attend your shower, bachelorette party or your wedding (let's hope she has a good reason for this one!) is so not cool. But before you let your emotions get the best of you, try to understand where your friend is coming from and why she can't make it, be it for financial reasons, a complicated pregnancy or a prior commitment that takes precedence. Chances are, she already feels bad enough for having to miss out, so don't make it any worse.
5. "I don't think moms typically get this involved, do they?"
Whether it's your mom, future mother-in-law or even your wedding planner weighing in, remember that this person is probably just trying to help and offering advice based on experience. So as opposed to making a snide remark, Luiz advises brides to express how independent they are. "Say, 'I appreciate your involvement, but it would actually be easier if I can think some of these things through myself. Would you mind only calling me once a day (or week, whatever works for you) when I'm working? I can't respond more than that usually.'"