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Raquel Kelley, E! Fashion Police producer and the creative force behind the wedding blog, I Guess I Do, reveals how to deal when your engagement doesn't exactly live up to your expectations.
When it comes to engagements and marriage proposals, sometimes all of the hype and build-up — will he propose to me with writing in the sky, or maybe he'll plan a gigantic surprise engagement party at the baseball stadium! — can be bigger than the actual reveal. So what happens when the proposal doesn't go as well as you had hoped? Here are some tips on how to handle it:
1. Have Realistic Expectations
From the get-go, us brides, especially those of us who are Type-A (myself being a culprit), need to realize that we aren't the ones doing the asking. Your soon-to-be spouse is. So while you may have grandiose dreams of getting proposed to on a mountaintop at sunset or in New York City at Christmastime, the end decision ultimately lies with your partner.
You may throw out as many hints or ideas as you may like, but in the end they will decide what feels right to them and when it feels best to do so. If you let go of your pre-conceived notions of what you want your engagement to look like, you will most likely be more present when it does actually happen.
And while the loss of control in this situation may drive some of us crazy, allow yourself to let go and actually appreciate the sense of surprise!
2. Remember He Has Feelings Too
Okay, now let's just say you were really underwhelmed with how things unfolded. When the moment dies down, that fake smile is trying very hard to conceal your upset and angry emotions, but you must really try to keep it in check. Remember — he has feelings too.
Your fiancé has most likely been a basket case trying to plot and plan this very moment. They've been fidgety and sweaty palmed all day, just waiting for the precise time to spring the question with the hopes that you say 'Yes.' If others ask about it, try and stress the positives. Maybe it was a simple, but intimate moment just between the two of you at home. Sure, you may have opted for rose petals over the takeout pizza, but it happened how it was supposed to.
When re-living the moment with others, try to stay away from the negatives — "Well, he didn't get down on one knee like I had hoped." — The last thing your fiancé should have to start their journey to married life is with a bruised and battered ego.
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3. Laugh About It in the End
When it comes to most proposals, weddings, kids, and other major life events, things rarely ever go as planned. But that's the beauty of it. If everything did, what stories would we have to tell?
For my birthday a couple years back, I asked my husband for a new scent of perfume. I was expecting something fancy, maybe something Chanel or Marc Jacobs. (Uh, remember those high expectations I mentioned? Like I said, culprit.) Before opening the present, I joked that he had bought me JLO Glow. And guess what? IT WAS. We both died laughing and still joke about it to this day. Every year I ask if he's planning on getting me Britney Spears' Curious or Paris Hilton perfume. He has since wised up and stopped giving gifts and started planning getaways instead. A choice that has become better for the both of us!
So maybe the proposal wasn't how you envisioned it, but it could definitely be one of those stories for the record books. "Well kids, your Dad got down on one knee at Applebee's, but forgot the ring." What may have mortified you in the beginning is certainly guaranteed to make lasting laughable memories for years to come.