The Expert Way to Handle Someone Who Thinks They'll Be Invited to Your Wedding

getting third degree from people who assume invite

Photo: Courtesy of Julie Song Ink

It's amazing who you suddenly hear from once you're engaged. Your carpool buddy from preschool? Check. Your partner on your high school debate team? Check. The woman who bikes next to your mom at her weekly spin class? Check. And all of these people will have questions. When is the wedding? Where? Should I reschedule my trip to Italy? The assumption that they'll make the guest list can be shocking, but it happens to every bride. Here are our experts' tips on how to respond gracefully when someone assumes they'll be getting an invitation.

Whether or not a person has been added to your guest list, preemptive questions can be frustrating — and stress-inducing. If you're barely engaged, or haven't started planning seriously yet, let your inquisitor know. Try something like, "We haven't started making any plans, right now we're just enjoying being engaged. We'll only get to do this part once!" It's short, to the point, and will let them know that there's no information to be spilled, no matter how much they ask.

See more: 11 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Invite Someone to Your Wedding

Have you started planning, but are hearing from long-lost friends who you won't be inviting? If it's a friend of your parents or in-laws, ask your folks to step in and take over. It's much easier for your mom to say that you're keeping the wedding very small and intimate (family and close friends only!) to her college roommate than it might be for you to explain to someone you've always regarded as "one of the adults."

If it's a friend of yours or your fiancé's who is starting to pry, take the same approach. Let them know that your venue has limited space, that your goal is something personal and cozy, or that your number one priority was to celebrate with your families and a few select friends.

Getting questions about other details, like your dress? "It's a secret! I want to surprise Michael at our wedding," is answer enough. Then steer the conversation away from your wedding to a more neutral topic — and do your best to keep it here. A little wedding radio silence should send the message that the topic isn't up for discussion.

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