Photo: Gia Canali
Choosing your wedding party means getting to decide which of the people closest to you will be standing by your side on your wedding day. But what if your fiancé has chosen a best man or a groomsman who isn't exactly your favorite? In any other situation, you could make a point to avoid spending time with him, whether that means making plans with a girlfriend when the guys are coming over to watch the football game or asking your fiancé to pick a different couple to join you at that great new restaurant downtown. On your wedding day, however, he'll be a little harder to avoid, so what can a bride do? Our experts weigh in on how to tread lightly when you're not a fan of his best friend.
It's a difficult conversation to have, but you'll want to discuss your feelings about your fiancé's groomsman or best man as far in advance — before he's asked his friend to be part of the wedding party, if possible. "Chances are, nothing may change unless the best man has done something egregious or disrespectful," says Diane Gottsman, owner of The Protocol School of Texas. "If the problem is simply that you find him annoying, you may want to choose your battles and let this one slide." After all, he won't be around while you're getting ready with your bridesmaids, and you can arrange seating at the head table so that he's not right by your side during dinner.
If there is more to it, whether you've had a disagreement with the best man or you think he's not respectful of your relationship with his best friend (your soon-to-be husband), try to sit down and have a conversation with him. "Air your issues and try to come to an agreement, even if it means both of you being civil during the wedding and then parting ways and socializing less after the fact," Gottsman adds. Any bigger issues, such as if your fianc&;eacute;'s friend makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in a bigger way, should be brought up immediately. Your fiancé should be informed about any altercations or interactions that have happened in the past, and should take the necessary steps to relieve his friend of his role in your wedding.
An open, honest conversation will be in the best interest of everyone: your fiancé will understand your concerns, and you'll know that, if nothing else, you've been heard.