Bridesmaid Duties When You're Not the Maid of Honor


There's nothing quite as special as being a bridesmaid on your friend's big day! You want to show her just how you feel by being super involved in planning all the pre-wedding festivities. But let's face it, sometimes the maid of honor can take over, leaving you with only bathroom gown duty on the day of the wedding. That doesn't have to be the case. There are plenty of ways for you to get involved in all the planning without stepping on the maid of honor's toes.

Make it a Group Effort From the Beginning
As soon as the first bridal party email goes out, take the initiative to get everyone involved. Reply to the maid of honor and suggest divvying up the tasks — from desserts for the shower to finding the best hotel deals for the bachelorette — based on each bridesmaid's strengths. Make suggestions, but leave it up to the MOH to give out assignments so she still feels in control. And be sure everyone gets a task — you aren't the only one who wants to lend a hand!

Take on the Bridal Party Coordination
Heading out of town for her bachelorette? Let the maid of honor focus on the hotel and dinner arrangements, and you focus on the maids. Coordinating flight times, cabs to and from the airport, and who's traveling together is an important detail the bride shouldn't have to worry about while the MOH has her hands full. But you'll make it look easy as can be.

Let Her Tackle the Big Tasks, You Take on Small Ones
Chances are her maid of honor has been dreaming of this wedding just as long as the bride. Don't take that away from her. Let her execute her vision of the perfect shower, but offer to take on smaller details, like favor bags or picking up the matching bachelorette t-shirts. It's the little things that can stress a MOH out, but are a cinch for you to tackle.

Be a Sounding Board for the Bride
Whether it's tension with her MOH, or the maid of honor has just had enough of the wedding planning, make yourself available to the bride whenever you can. And listen to what she says. You might just find a task hidden in her venting. Is his mom driving her crazy? You're now on mother-in-law duty at the wedding. Is she stressed about the boutonnieres? Offer to pick them up on your way to the bridal suite.

See More: The 49 Mistakes Bridesmaids Always Make

Double Check the Itinerary
Kindly ask to see a detailed itinerary of any plans for the bachelorette. If there are any gaps (i.e the bride loves brunch but you don't see any reservations), sweetly offer to fill them in. Try, "You've done such a great job with this itinerary. I know the bride loves bottomless brunch, did you have one in mind? I'm happy to make the reservation!" Chances are the MOH will be happy to pass the torch to you for this one.

Take a Poll
If it's a big bridal party, it's going to take a lot to coordinate everyone's schedules and dates. Do the MOH a favor and create a Doodle poll of the next few weeks or months. Pass everyone's available weekends to the maid of honor so she has a built-in head start before the planning has even begun. To thank you for the help, she might just turn to you again as the plans start to take shape.

Set Up a Surprise From the Groom
The maid of honor has tunnel vision on the bride, so turn your attention to the groom. Coordinate with him to set up a sweet surprise for the bride. Offer to order a few bottles of champagne, from him, at a dinner on the bachelorette. Or set up a time to meet on the big day so he can hand off a sweet card or wedding gift, without seeing her before the walk down the aisle.

Keep it to Yourself
Most importantly, if you're feeling left out, keep it to yourself. The biggest favor you can do for your bride is keeping her out of any friend drama. Keeping tensions low while she's stressing over the wedding plans is vital.

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