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We all have friends that our significant others don't particularly care for — and we know they suck it up and spend time around them for us because we love those people and our partners love us. Sometimes it's not even your bestie the fiancé hates, but rather, her significant other that your partner is constantly stuck entertaining when you hang out. We do the exact same thing for them when the situation is reversed.
Obviously, you don't have to both adore every person on your wedding guest list, but when it comes to actually choosing the wedding party — those people who will stand on the altar with you while you exchange vows — you have to take your fiancé's feelings into consideration.
I've heard plenty of stories of guys getting banned from being groomsmen by the bride, and the groom sucking it up even though he wasn't particularly happy about it because his friend does, in fact, have a track record of behaving badly at important events. He can't argue with you when the last wedding you attended together was ruined by this particular person's stupidity. But it's not that often that the groom puts his foot down about the bridesmaids.
My husband always says that it's important to listen to every opinion the groom expresses during wedding planning because so many men don't get in the way of what the bride is planning. When they feel strongly about something — especially a member of the wedding party — giving him his say and actually paying attention to it is mandatory.
So should you include somebody in your wedding party that your fiancé absolutely, positively hates? Simple answer: No. If the friend will be terribly hurt, you should find another role for her in the day. Have her do a reading or bring up the gifts if you're having a full communion-style service. But do not shove her (and her significant other) down your soon-to-be spouse's throat by giving her a VIP position in your wedding.
Your friend is probably not an idiot, and she probably knows that she's not your fiancé's favorite person. If she truly loves you, and you are honest with her and tell her you feel badly about it too, chances are your friendship will survive this. If she's already married and has been through having to choose a wedding party, she will be even more understanding. Even if you were her bridesmaid. That said, if she's single, and the friendship survives, plan on throwing her a bridal shower someday because odds are you won't be in the actual wedding.
Sandy Malone is the owner of Sandy Malone Weddings & Events, a full-service traditional and destination wedding planning company and Do-It-Yourself wedding planning consulting service for DIY brides and grooms based in the Washington, DC area. Sandy is the star of TLC's reality show "Wedding Island," about her destination wedding planning company, Weddings in Vieques. Sandy's book "How to Plan Your Own Destination Wedding: Do-It-Yourself Tips from an Experienced Professional," will be released on March 1st, but is available online for pre-orders now where books are sold.