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It happens: A drunken best man hands off the microphone to a guest with few social graces, and within minutes he's reliving your most embarrassing memories over the speakers. Or an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend insists on sending the couple off with well wishes, only to say something spiteful instead.
"Fortunately, I have yet to witness an embarrassing or hurtful wedding toast, but they definitely happen every now and again," admits Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Two Little Birds Planning in Philadelphia. And if a bad, embarrassing, or just plain hurtful toast happens on your wedding day, "it would definitely put a damper on things," she says. "A toast is the loved ones' opportunity to address all of the guests and honor the couple and their love. So it's only natural for a couple to feel disappointed when it feels more like a roast instead of a toast."
If you find yourself on the receiving end of such a roast, "you should do your best to put it behind you and focus on enjoying your special day," advises Fisher. "Try to stay calm and move on. If guests see you forgetting all about the toast and getting back to the dance floor, they'll do the same."
In fact, says Fisher, don't bring it up with guests at all. "The couple isn't responsible for someone else's words or actions, so nothing further needs to be said," she explains. The only person, she says, you may want to mention that unfortunate toast to is the person who delivered it — when you return from your honeymoon. "Don't let a bad toast steal the joy of the day or be a defining moment," Fisher says.
You can even prevent this nightmare scenario from happening by encouraging toasts at the beginning of the night, before guests have had too many adult beverages, Fisher says. "After a few cocktails, people say things that they typically wouldn't say," she reasons. Plus, she advises, "have a conversation with your band leader or DJ before the big day to make sure that they know you don't feel comfortable with impromptu toasts or speeches," which should keep the microphone out of hurtful hands.