4 Embarrassing Married Sex Questions, Answered Again

Ways to Get in the Mood for Sex

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We recently answered your most embarrassing sex questions, and you came back with more. So here are expert answers to everything from how to break free of a low libido and what to do when making out doesn't lead to sex.

1. I like oral sex more than regular ol' sex. Is that normal?
Fact: "Women usually get more sensation from stimulation of their clitoris rather than from vaginal penetration," says Madeleine Castellanos, M.D, sex therapist and author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive, "so it makes sense that many women find oral sex to be much more intense and pleasurable than vaginal intercourse. It's not uncommon at all to prefer oral sex over intercourse." If that describes you, "don't be shy about it," Castellanos says. "The more pleasure you have attached to your sexual encounter, the more that sexual desire is reinforced and strengthened."

2. Since we were married my libido has lowered and I'm not sure why. Why don't I want to have sex as often?
Once the novelty of married sex has worn off, you may have to work harder to keep things hot. Says Sari Cooper, New York City-based licensed couples and sex therapist, "You may have to spend more intentional time to create relaxed, fun experiences that are romantic or erotic to both of you. Especially for hard-working couples who have household chores, down-time can be hard to find." Crank your libido back up by planning adventures for the following week that could lead to spontaneous sex, Cooper suggests, or "explore new erotic fantasies, books or movies that get your mojo going again."

See More: The 3 Most Common Sex Problems Newlyweds Face

3. I want to kiss and cuddle, but I don't always want to have sex afterwards. How do I deal with that?
Some women can't get into the mood without physical or emotional stimulation, but kissing and cuddling isn't a no-fail path to sex. "There may be times when you start making out and it leads you to wanting to have sex, and other times that it doesn't," says Castellanos. "The important thing is to communicate to your partner that you never know how your body is going to respond, but that you get great enjoyment from just making out too. Remember to be sensitive to your partner's desires if they get all hot and heavy. "

4. My spouse has stopped making an effort in his appearance, but still expects me to be turned on when he initiates sex. How can I tell him it's a turn off when he hasn't shaved and is wearing sweat pants?
First, focus on what your spouse does that still turns you on, and initiate a conversation by expressing your appreciation for those things. "Then let him know you want to share some turn offs due to your erotic triggers, such as sight and touch," says Cooper. It's OK to say his scratchy beard hurts your skin, she says, while explaining a clean-shaven face feels heavenly. "Ask if he would make an effort to put more attention into his appearance and hygiene when he wants to initiate sex," she says.

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