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If all you've got in your bedside drawer is a remote control for your bedroom TV, Kat Van Kirk, licensed marriage and sex therapist, thinks it's time for a little shopping spree. Why? "Most couples enter into their marriages thinking that they should be able to satisfy all of one another's needs in perpetuity," she says. "However, in 17 years of practice, I've found that almost all of the couples I've worked with have benefitted from having a couple of options in their nightstand drawer, whether to create variety and spontaneity or to use toys to help address arousal, erection and orgasm issues."
Here, in Van Kirk's opinion, are three things you should slip into that drawer, stat.
1. A lubricant you love
Don't be tempted to buy the first brand you see in an embarrassed rush to leave the store, says Van Kirk. Instead, do your research before you hit the right aisle. "Water-based lubes are very well tolerated, as are silicone lubes, which last longer but may not mix well with your silicone toys," says Van Kirk. "There are also warming, cooling and flavored lubes. And always try a lube by putting a small amount on the inside of your wrist before you use it during sex," she advices, to see how you'll react to it.
2. A couple's vibrator
"After all," Van Kirk says, "the couple that plays together, stays together." And while you may be tempted to reuse a toy from your single days, it's worthwhile to invest in a vibrator built for couples, she says. "These vibrators are designed to give him stimulation and give you the right vibration at the same time."
3. A G-Spot toy
Yes, that elusive little mark does exist, Van Kirk says. "Many married couples think the G-spot is too difficult to find," she says. "But all it really takes is the right tool for the job. A G-spot wand or vibrator will make it far easier for your partner to find and stimulate your G-spot."