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Here we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge.
You're in heaven. You've found the man that makes you feel like a queen. He popped the question in the most wonderful, romantic way, and of course you said yes. Now you're planning the wedding of your dreams. Everything is awesome. Then he brings up one little hyphenated word that sends you into a tailspin: "pre-nup."
Ladies, we're not dumb. We know that asking you to sign a pre-nuptial agreement so soon after asking you to marry us is like throwing a bucket of ice water into your face as you lean in for a kiss. Jarring. Completely at odds with everything that preceded it.
Your immediate reaction may be horror: "How can he ask me this? Doesn't he love me? Doesn't he trust me?" The short answer is yes: We love you and we trust you — we wouldn't have asked you to get married if we didn't. And we wouldn't have asked you to sign a pre-nup if we didn't have a reason. Such as...
Our family is insisting.
People like to hold on to what they think is theirs, even if they had nothing to do with getting it in the first place. So when our relatives keep calling, trying to make sure you never walk away with the family fortune, great Aunt Agatha's porcelain figurines, or the summer house on the Jersey shore, we just want them to shut the hell up (besides, we hate the summer house — it smells like old socks and rubbing alcohol).
We've heard about someone else's bad experience.
Look, we men don't just spend all our time talking about sports, single malt whisky, and stock market deals. Believe it or not, we also talk about relationships, and that includes trading war stories. Everybody has heard about at least one divorce in which the husband was cleaned out by his ex-wife more thoroughly than a high colonic.That's not an image we want in our head on our wedding day.
You don't buy a car and skip the insurance.
No one plans to get into an accident. We just know that sometimes accidents happen. We never plan to get a divorce, but sometimes divorces happen. And no, you're not the car in this metaphor. You're the co-driver. You're being covered by the collision damage as much as we are.
So our advice if your husband-to-be asks you to sign a pre-nup? Don't get offended, and don't take it to mean he doesn't love you.
Also, don't sign it.
Not until you've had it looked at, understand exactly what it says, and have negotiated the hell out of it. If your man is any kind of man at all, he'll respect you all the more for driving a hard bargain.
Think of it this way: Divorces suck. Even at the best, they're horrible for everyone involved (except maybe the lawyers). But right now, we're madly in love with each other. We're never going to give each other better terms than now. Hopefully, we'll never need to look at the pre-nup again, but if we do, at least we'll know it was agreed upon by two people who were the opposite of bitter.