The Do's and Don'ts of Telling Your Ex You're Engaged

Telling Your Ex About Your Engagement Tips

Photo: Getty Images

If your ex is a good friend, you can tell him that you're engaged just like you would anyone else. But what about those somebodies that you used to know?

Maybe you give a mental shrug at the thought of your ex finding out you're getting married. Maybe it ignites some dread or guilt in you. Maybe you fantasize about him kicking himself for letting you go. Whatever the case may be, we have some suggestions on how to approach certain situations because "Bahaha! Your loss, loser!" isn't very graceful...

If you're NOT on good terms with your ex...

DON'T: Say anything. You're both moving on and there's really no reason to communicate. If he for some reason reaches out, either politely acknowledge the message or don't entertain it. Now's really not the best time to reignite that friendship, nor to deal with any drama.

DO: Address any lingering loose ends, like if you're still in touch with his mom.

See More: How to Tell Your Boss You're Getting Married

If you're on good/decent terms with your ex...

DO: Make a point to tell him, but only if you were the last girl he seriously dated.

DON'T: Feel the need to tell him your news if he's had a couple girlfriends since you two split. He might be "The Ex" to you, but you may not be "The Ex" to him.

DO: Reach out only if you've been in touch at some point in the past year. You may not be on bad terms, but you don't want to be so self-important to think you need to tell someone who you're not really in touch with anymore.

DON'T: Ask mutual friends if he "knows" yet. You are not starring in a reality TV show, okay?

DO: Tell him in a respectful but concise way, and before it's all over social media. Try something like: "Hey! Hope you've been well. I just wanted to give you the heads up that (insert your groom's name here) and I got engaged! Just didn't want to blindside you. Wishing you all the best."

DON'T: Send him a lengthy note that dives into your relationship with him, with your groom, or anything else that is, quite frankly, a bit melodramatic and overthought.

DO: Give him the chance to absorb and congratulate you on his own time.

DON'T: Accost him or be passive aggressive if he doesn't respond to your news. He's probably wishing you well from afar and you can now put your attention to more important matters. Like venue hunting, dress shopping, cake tasting...

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift

Get personalized planning advice, exclusive offers and must-read wedding news.

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from