He Wants Kids Way Before You Do — What Can You Do?

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You said "yes" to marriage and children. But while you can agree on your wedding date, you can't see eye-to-eye on when you'd welcome a baby into your lives. Left up to your fiancé, you'd get pregnant on your honeymoon — and you'd prefer a five-year-plan when it comes to having kids. What can you do?

"It's important to be on the same page," says Jane Greer, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. "Otherwise, very often one person will feel resentful and angry at being controlled by the other's preferences. They may feel like they're missing out on having a family if they aren't able to start it when they want to." And we know you don't want that.

See More: Can You Afford to Have a Baby?

So start by having a calm conversation with your fiancé about children. "Find out how important it is for him to start your family at that time, and share with him your concerns and reasons behind wanting to wait," Greer says. Then, be prepared with a compromise. "For example, if he wants to have children right away and you want to wait three years, perhaps you both wait a year and a half. You won't feel as pressured to start on his timing, but he won't have to wait the full three years. Find a balance that works for both of you."

If you can't come to a compromise you can both live with, table the talk for now. "Agree to revisit it a year later," suggests Greer. "Feelings change all the time and you might decide you're ready to go for it at that point. You can't really know for certain how you'll feel years in the future. As long as you're both willing and open to discussing it a year later, then the issue isn't grounds to reconsider the marriage."

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