How to Deal with Feuding Moms

When Mothers Don't Get Along

Photo: Getty Images

Sometimes the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom don't like each other. And while it's not a requirement that the two moms must be friendly, it certainly makes life easier if they don't intensely dislike each other. Someday they may have to share grandchildren and spend holidays together with you. Do you want to dread every family get together for the next however many years?

So what can you do if your mom and your fiancé's mom didn't hit it off and aren't getting along? The longer you let it fester, the uglier it's going to get. So deal with this as far ahead of the wedding as possible. That way, if things get messier before they get fixed, there's plenty of time for folks to cool off before your big day. Try these tactics to restore peace in your new family:

Plan an outing with you and both of your moms.
Make it a girls' day. Go into it pretending there's no bad blood and see what fun may arise. Choose a wedding planning task that your fiancé doesn't really care to be part of, like your florist meeting, and have them help you. Or opt for a spa day and get your wedding hair and makeup trial done with both of them there to give opinions. If they both like a something you hate, let them win — at least in the moment.

See More: What to Do When Your Mother-in-Law Wants You to Call Her "Mom"

Tackle it head on.
If you know what caused the rift between the moms, just attack the problem. If one was clearly in the wrong and some incident occurred, you and your fiancé need to force the issue and talk to the offending parent. Explain how their actions "hurt" the other mom, and tell them how important it is for you to go into this marriage with everyone looking forward to spending time together in the future. Appeal to her inner bride and ask for help in mending the situation, starting perhaps with an apology if you can negotiate that. Talk to the mom who is hurt and let her know that you expect her to accept the apology and let the matter drop. Again, appeal to her inner bride and explain how much the whole thing upsets you. They may never be besties, but you can definitely cool the hostilities.

Owner of Weddings in Vieques, a destination-wedding planning company off the coast of Puerto Rico, Sandy Malone has helped countless couples plan their big day since 2007.

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