The Challenge of Long-Distance Engagements

Long Distance Relationship

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When your fiancé lives in a different city, time zone, or continent, FaceTime is your BFF. You're not as lonely as previous generations who had to rely on the US Postal Service and landlines to keep the romance alive. In comparison, you've got it pretty good, and you know it.

It's still not easy. One big challenge is that your relationship is now all talk, talk, talk. On FaceTime, you can chat, talk, reveal, fight, process, share your days and feelings. Talking becomes your primary mode of connection. Yet all that jaw-boning in front of a screen with the person you love can get a little old, for both of you. What your relationship wants and needs is time to cook dinner together, putter separately around the apartment, snuggle in front of NetFlix, plus sex: the normal, everyday stuff of love and life. All that talk, talk, talk on FaceTime can't fill those human needs.

See more: Skype Tonight! Why Acting Like a Long-Distance Couple Can Help Your Relationship

Brides and grooms can feel guilty when they get fed up with chatting on FaceTime. They then worrying this fed-up-ness indicates there's a problem with their relationship, or desire for that person, or their love. Before you go jumping to those negative conclusions, it's helpful to discuss the hardships you're facing together and to create strategies to ease the long-distance loneliness and frustration.

Instead of sitting in front of the screen feeling guilty that you don't want to be there, share with each other what you'd want to be doing together, if you were in the same place. Acknowledge the normal feeling that FaceTiming or Skyping is tedious. It doesn't mean the relationship is tedious — it means you're frustrated by the limitedness and constraints of video calls as your only source of communication. Develop ways to be "alone together" by keeping the video on as you quietly read and he plays video games. And when you're finally together, cut yourselves some slack as you adjust to offline, 24/7 life together.

Allison Moir-Smith, MA, is a bridal counselor, creator of How Brides-To-Be REALLY Feel videos, and author of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life.

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