Photo: Getty Images
Let's be clear: a married sex life is different from a single sex life in many ways. The unknown, the unpredictability, the uncertainty — the intense drama of a single life just doesn't exist when you choose a lifelong partner. Hopefully, at the very beginning of your relationship with your fiancé, you experienced all that juicy discovery, but you'll never have that first kiss with your fiancé ever again. And it's perfectly OK to be bummed out about that. That's normal.
It's important to give that feeling of mourning for the very beginning a bit of attention right now. If you don't, you may find yourself making erroneous and unhealthy comparisons: your loving, stable sex life vs. the seemingly thrilling sex lives of your single girlfriends. That comparison will get you nowhere. It's apples and oranges.
A littlelingerie can go a long way for a night or two, but making a mindset shift that helps you see your relationship holistically will help you in the long haul. Your sex life, as a married couple, isn't a separate entity in your relationship. It's not just something that happens a few times a week, in the bedroom. Your sex life can, in fact, be a current that runs through everything you do. It's an attitude you and your fiancé can choose to adopt.
Everything, potentially, is foreplay. When he vacuums your car without being asked, the feeling you get of being taken care of — that's foreplay. When he deals with his prickly mother (so you don't have to), the relief you feel — that's foreplay. When he checks in right after a tricky conversation with your best friend, the experience that he really cares about minutiae of your life — that's foreplay.
Adopt this "everything is foreplay" attitude about your life together, and you'll be amazed at how much more appreciation, affection and, yes, sex, there is in your marriage.
Allison Moir-Smith, MA, is a bridal counselor, creator of How Brides-To-Be REALLY Feel videos, and author of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life.