What to Do When Your Fiancé Doesn't Want to Write His Own Vows (But You Do)

Ceremony & Vows, Etiquette
Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Photo: Stewart Uy

In lieu of declaring their love with traditional vows pronounced by countless couples before, many modern twosomes are choosing to customize their proclamations instead. Coming up with personalized vows can lend warmth, wit, and even comedy to a couple's "I dos," but what if the groom has misgivings about writing his own oaths? Our etiquette experts weigh in on how to determine if writing your own vows is right for you.

Before resorting to an argument, first determine why your fiancé refuses to write personalized vows. Your fiancé may feel strongly about sticking to traditional vow verbiage, or might find the thought of writing his own vows daunting. If your fiancé prefers a classic covenant, there are many ways to modernize and individualize the customary language. However, your fiancé may simply doubt his ability to compose meaningful and moving vows when left to his own devices. Many bride and grooms encounter writer's block, but the fear of producing a subpar speech should not prevent your fiancé from attempting to come up with personalized vows. If you sense that a phobia of inadequacy lies behind your fiancé's resistance, reassure him that the end product will be meaningful and moving, no matter he chooses to say come the big day.

See More: Should You Renew Your Vows?

If writing your own vows is a matter of great significance to you, communicate your feelings to your groom. If your groom understands how important personalized vows are to your ceremony, he will likely be more amenable to the idea. Try to find a compromise between your inclinations, whether you choose to change the phrasing of traditional vows or draft a set of simple yet sentimental personalized vows.

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