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When you're home, your husband is the epitome of a well-mannered, responsible, cleanly spouse: He eats each meal off a plate, hands over the remote and graciously concedes to a Sex and the City marathon, and returns the toilet seat to its downright position after every bathroom run to prevent you from falling in.
But when you leave on your girlfriend getaway, work trip, or even for a day at the spa, a different man may emerge. Don't believe us? We polled several men to get the low-down on just what they do when their wives are away.
1. They walk around naked.
There's nothing wrong with getting dressed, they say, but there's something appealing about not slipping on pants the second they step out of bed. "When my wife's away," says one married man, "our apartment becomes a no pants — and sometimes a no clothes — zone."
2. They watch TV nonstop.
Forget going to bed at a decent hour. These guys are busy DVRing every Terminator movie ever made while binge watching the animated shows at which their wives only roll their eyes. One man reported watching seven hours straight of The Simpsons the last time his wife was out of town!
3. They're dirty.
"I'll let the cleaning pile up until the last possible minute, then go Tasmanian Devil on the clothes, dishes, and trash I've accumulated all over the house for however long she's been gone," admits one married man. "As long as it looks spotless when she comes home, she never has to know what filth I actually lived in!"
4. They do funny things with the pets.
When your home, they can't be bothered to acknowledge your two cats. When you're away, they're talking to them in the most ridiculous baby voice and hand-feeding them food from their plates. "I use our dog as my dancing partner, if the mood strikes and the music requires busting out a move," says one man.
5. They forget their table manners.
Sure, they know how to set a table, but you won't see them eating off of anything but their laps when you're away. One man reported being too lazy to transfer his food from the cooking pan and onto a plate. "I'll just eat it straight from the pot," he says.