Photo: Getty Images
You'd never begrudge your guy his friends, but when one happens to be a beautiful woman, it's only natural to have some hesitations about your fiancé's opposite-sex friendship. "Women are often threatened by their fiancé having a close female friend because they are afraid — afraid of emotional disconnection with their fiancé, afraid of losing him, afraid of losing his attention, afraid of sharing his time," says Julie de Azevedo Hanks, Ph.D., LCSW, owner and director of Wasatch Family Therapy.
But unless you spot warning signs their relationship has crossed the line from friends to more — think sharing things with her he doesn't tell you, getting flirtatious or physical, spending more time with her than you, or hiding his interactions with her from you — experts agree you've got nothing to worry about. "If he wanted to have a relationship with his friend, he would've already," says Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. "He's not in love with her — he's in love with you."
If your stomach still ties into uncomfortable knots when he announces he's hanging out with his female BFF, focus on the facts, Greer advises. "They've known each other long enough that if he was going to have a relationship, he already had the opportunity," she says. "They have a shared history and there's no need to try to have him give that up — if anything, you can be more open and receptive, and you may even find out that you like her. The more you can hold onto the fact that they're not romantic, the better you'll feel."
Don't be afraid to discuss your concerns with your fiancé, Hanks says. "Talk openly with your fiancé and come to an agreement about what your boundaries as a couple are with friends of the opposite sex," she suggests. And you should try to get to know her. After all, you already have one (big) thing in common: You think your guy is great!