Can You Ever Invite an Ex to Your Wedding?

Inviting Ex to Wedding

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He's no longer your No. 1 guy, but if you're still in contact with an ex-boyfriend — whether you run in the same work or social circles, or have children together — you might be toying with the idea of inviting him to your wedding. "By the time many of us marry these days, we've had significant romantic relationships with others," explains Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and author of Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband). "A number of people have stayed friends with an ex-lover, and this person has served an important role in their lives, so they want to include them in this milestone."

But whether you should include him is not always clear. So before you address an invite to an ex, consider a few important points. "A good relationship with an ex is full of respect and appreciation rather than resentment or residual romantic feelings. If you find that one of you haven't closed the door to the relationship, it's not appropriate to involve your ex in your wedding, because having him or her there may distract you from being present on this special occasion," says Syrtash.

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Assuming you have a purely platonic relationship with your former flame, you still must also consider whether "your current partner is comfortable having your ex partner at your wedding," Syrtash says. "If your partner finds it uncomfortable, try to understand where he or she is coming from. It's your partner's day, too, and both of you need to be on the same page about the wedding guests."

If your fiancé is A-OK with having your ex's name on the guest list, but if he hasn't met the guy in person, "it may be worth making a joint plan for them to meet before involving your ex in your wedding," suggests Syrtash.

Then, make sure you spend your time and give your attention to your new husband on your wedding day. "Your ex should be treated like any other guest at your wedding," Syrtash says. "No extra special treatment needed. If you're concerned about making your ex overly comfortable on your wedding day, you may not be in a position where you're in a healthy, platonic friendship."

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