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Think a smokin' hot sex life should be easy-peasy just because you're newlyweds? The truth is the best sex lives, no matter their newness, take work. "Too many times, people want sex to be passionate but effortless, perfectly timed without distractions, and an intense experience that comes automatically," says Madeleine Castellanos, M.D., relationship expert and author of Wanting To Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive. "To have a vibrant sex life, however, requires attention, planning, and sometimes even scheduling."
If you've found yourself wondering where the passion has gone in your relationship, there's no need to wait for a long-term fix. You can break free of a sex rut and reignite a spark tonight with one or more of these three easy expert moves.
Remember when a simple stare over breakfast could lead to a mid-morning makeout session on the kitchen table? "All interactions in a relationship have the potential to be flirtatious — but, unfortunately, most people start to take their time together for granted, which makes [it] feel more mundane than exciting," says Castellanos.
Make out in a novel environment.
Take kissing out of the bedroom and into the kitchen or living room — anywhere that sex isn't expected by your partner, suggests Ursula Ofman, New York City-based sex therapist and licensed clinical psychologist. "Be patient, though," warns Ofman. "Your partner may not be able to shift gears instantly, and you need to be prepared for that. But even if your initiative just leads to a little smooching, it will be noted by your partner and you two can build on that later in the day in a more familiar feeling setting."
Think about sex now.
If you want to break free of your sex rut tonight, think about how good your interaction will feel now — even if you're reading this on your lunch break. "Studies have proven that when a person thinks about a pleasing sexual thought, it boosts their testosterone almost immediately and primes their brain to think about sex more frequently," explains Castellanos. "Even taking three minutes a day — say at lunch time or while commuting — can make a difference in being open to getting it on" by the time you get home.